Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Help :-(

(141 Posts)
Jennymailen Tue 09-Apr-13 23:10:07

Hi everyone... I really can't see a light at the end of this tunnel... My partner of 12 years came home from work one day and out of the blue told me he didn't love me anymore and he couldn't "do this" anymore... He walked away from 2 children, a mortgage, nice car and a loyal honest woman.. :-( he's acting like he doesn't know me... I'm am 100 per cent sure there isn't anyone else at the moment.. People keep telling me there must be but I seem to know his every move and the bonus of the kids face timing him on his phone.. Lol... Does this really happen?? Do people just fall out of love one day and throw everything away?? I'm a believer in talking and trying to sort things out. I'm totally devestated, being sick, not eating hardly anything.... Will this get better??? :-(

Jennymailen Thu 11-Apr-13 19:45:06

Awful :-( I need a stiff drink confused

moonabove Thu 11-Apr-13 19:46:43

Have one on me wine

TisILeclerc Thu 11-Apr-13 20:15:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shellbu Thu 11-Apr-13 20:26:56

maybe there isnt another woman , but another man maybe , you say he has feelings of hate towards women , just makes me wonder if hes been hiding gay feelings for a long time , plus he doesnt want you knowing where he is going to live , seems strange .

Jennymailen Thu 11-Apr-13 23:03:22

There def isn't another woman.. I ended up going out for tea with him and the kids.. It broke my heart.. I will never ever do that again :-( he wanted to show the kids we can still be friends.. I just wanted to cry.. But it did make me realise he seemed happier and I think I am as well.. His little uncouth behaviour tonight made me realise how immature and what a mistake he's making.. He told me he will pay the mortgage still as well.. That's all I wanted :-)

Sparklyboots Fri 12-Apr-13 00:38:33

Well done Jenny for getting through that, it must have been tough. Hold onto that sense that you are both a bit happier already! I would be inclined to get his mortgage promise in writing though - have you got legal representation?

Just wondering if it is really helpful for OP to hear constant questions about another woman/ man, what does it really matter if the material facts of the relationship are that it is over, he is moving somewhere and planning to co-parent, and OP is beginning to accept this new reality? It seems to me like actual practical advise is what's needed here - how can OP get a watertight agreement on the mortgage? How should she support her DC in situations like the one at school, and what might she do to make the split clear but bearable for them?

moonabove Fri 12-Apr-13 11:12:19

Agree sparklyboots. OP has already said numerous times she doesn't think there's anyone else involved so best left at that.

Definitely need to get all arrangements legally sorted out - he has shown he is capable of being very unpredictable and that there's a lot of unpleasant stuff going on in his head.

He might well realise his mistake after a while, he might well be sincere at the time he makes his promises of support but there's no certainty and he can't be relied on.

Jennymailen Fri 12-Apr-13 11:30:19

No I know.. That's what everyone's saying. If he can't afford to pay bills etc in his flat the first thing he will do is refuse to pay the mortgage.. Maybe I could try and push a legal agreement where he signs to pay it?? Not too sure anyone would agree to that tho would they? The lack of guilt he doesnt have really winds me up tho... He was all happy talking about his flat etc to the kids yesterday.. I pretended I was interested but I just really wanted to punch him in his smug face angry I hope when he's settled in it and has his fun down the pub for a few weeks and is sat in there one day he thinks shit, I left everything!!!! I know he will have too much of a good social life tho really... The village is forever having street parties where he knows everyone.. I don't think he will get lonely and that's what pisses me off really.. He won't get time to think sad

Jennymailen Fri 12-Apr-13 20:18:18

Feeling really low and fingers are twitching so thought I'd get on here quick :-(

Sparklyboots Fri 12-Apr-13 20:30:05

Stay away from the text! Is there someone else you could contact? Sorry it's tough right now.

Jennymailen Fri 12-Apr-13 20:43:15

Yeah I've text about 30 people the text I was going to send him so I'm getting a lot of abuse back at the moment off my friends.. It's making me feel better

Jennymailen Tue 23-Apr-13 13:50:59

Just thought if update u lovely people... The karma train is slowly arriving.. The ex is living in a static caravan at his cousins house in a field... Wow!!! He really hates his life that much hey!?? I'm moving on and I'm actually quite happy I think :-)

That's really good to hear you are feeling happy. Have been wondering about you.

ladyjadie Tue 23-Apr-13 16:57:55

I am so glad you are realising you are happy! When you can be happy on your own, that is the best feeling in the world, esp as you say your life revolved around trying to make him love you for so long. Maybe he is happier in a caravan. But so what?! It is time to think about Jenny. Happy Jenny=Happy kids. Keep posting here, you have lots of us rooting for you smile

Jennymailen Tue 23-Apr-13 17:12:54

Thankyou grin I think the weekends keep me going. Lots of lovely friends around me (mainly getting me drunk) but oh well.. I have even been managing going out and no drunken texts to him which I thought I'd never get over doing.. May sound wrong but the attention I'm getting from men still feels weird as it is only early days I feel.. But that keeps me going as well. I thought no man would want a single mum of 2 kids.... But it seems they do grin but NO way am I ready for a relationship.. No harm in being wined and dined tho

ladyjadie Tue 23-Apr-13 18:22:52

No harm in a bit of attention! It's brilliant you've stayed away from the drunk texting!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now