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Help :-(

(141 Posts)
Jennymailen Tue 09-Apr-13 23:10:07

Hi everyone... I really can't see a light at the end of this tunnel... My partner of 12 years came home from work one day and out of the blue told me he didn't love me anymore and he couldn't "do this" anymore... He walked away from 2 children, a mortgage, nice car and a loyal honest woman.. :-( he's acting like he doesn't know me... I'm am 100 per cent sure there isn't anyone else at the moment.. People keep telling me there must be but I seem to know his every move and the bonus of the kids face timing him on his phone.. Lol... Does this really happen?? Do people just fall out of love one day and throw everything away?? I'm a believer in talking and trying to sort things out. I'm totally devestated, being sick, not eating hardly anything.... Will this get better??? :-(

TisILeclerc Tue 09-Apr-13 23:12:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ruprekt Tue 09-Apr-13 23:13:11

When did this happen? You poor thing. There have been so many similar stories over the last few days and the support from Mumsnet is amazing.

I am afraid there MUST be another woman. confusedconfused

A sane man does not walk away from all that you described to go to nothing.

Where is he now?

So sorry sad

There is usually more to it though sad

Jennymailen Tue 09-Apr-13 23:20:42

He's living at his mums at the moment. His flat is ready for next weekend.. No honestly I know there isn't anyone else.. I'm certain of that (I'm not in denial lol) this happened 3 weeks ago.. It's all moved so quick and I thought he was just having a man paddy. We have never spent more than 2 days apart.. Everyone's saying the issue might be because we were so young getting together.. He was 17 and I was 20.. We had our first child at 18 and 21, a mortgage when he was 22... Could it have all got too much for him?? I don't know?? :-(

Charbon Tue 09-Apr-13 23:25:35

You can never, ever be 100% sure of someone else's behaviour and if you haven't spent the past few months without a moment apart, then I'm afraid that an OW is the most likely reason for his sudden change of heart and desire to leave. Lots of people having affairs have spare phones just for this purpose and they take time out from work so as not to arouse suspicion.

Yes, people decide to end relationships all the time, but there is usually some warning that they are unhappy and when there are children involved, usually lots of attempts to save the relationship before throwing in the towel.

Sadly I have yet to hear of one man who without warning announced his departure and there hasn't been an affair in the background.

The soundest advice that honestly always works is to accept what he's saying and withdraw, having contact with him only in relation to the children. Make sure he stops coming to the house and sorts out seeing them on his own premises or somewhere neutral.

The very worst thing to do is to beg and plead, offering to change to please him.

If he's already found a flat, it suggests he's been planning this for some time.

Magicmayhem Tue 09-Apr-13 23:30:22

I'm sorry that your going through this.
Did you share a computer? Could you check the internet history to see what he was looking at before he left?

Jennymailen Tue 09-Apr-13 23:30:24

He's gone back to his home village where they are all so clicky and always help each other out. He knows almost everyone there and I know his friend has given up a flat so I'm assuming its there... I think he just wants to live his life doing what he wants when he wants really... He really has assured me there is no one else.. I seem to know where he is always and the joys of the kids face timing him a lot gives me his location at the moment lol

Jennymailen Tue 09-Apr-13 23:32:35

Yes we shared everything.. He literally went to work at 6am... Got dropped off in a work can at 6pm... Had his tea, bath and chilled out with his family.. He never went out and when he did we were usually together.. He didn't have chance to meet anyone else behind my back

Jennymailen Tue 09-Apr-13 23:33:06

van lol

Charbon Tue 09-Apr-13 23:35:36

So you don't actually know where he's living, you're trusting what he's telling you and you're discounting the possibility of a second phone?

What's been the build-up to this?

Has he been as keen on sex or had your sex life changed at all? What's his mood been like? What have his working hours been like in recent times?

Have you noticed he's been unusually willing to do extra tasks such as popping to the shops on his own or walking the dog?

What has his mood and demeanour been like when in your company?

Magicmayhem Tue 09-Apr-13 23:36:15

Did you have any worries before he left, I mean did you have any idea he was unhappy? you didn't share a computer then?

Magicmayhem Tue 09-Apr-13 23:37:10

x posts C... you put it so much better...

Charbon Tue 09-Apr-13 23:37:51

He did have the chance to meet up with someone else. During the 12 hours he was out of the house and supposedly working.

purplewithred Tue 09-Apr-13 23:39:56

They probably don't suddenly fall out of love, they fall out of love slowly over the years but try to keep things going for the sake of the family/children/partner, but then one day they just can't do it any more. I am so sorry.

Jennymailen Tue 09-Apr-13 23:41:04

He is living with his mum at the moment yes... I suppose thinking about it he did seem a bit stressy and seems to be happier now... Maybe it was me.. He's acting like its me.. Maybe I suffocated him too much?? I can honestly put my life on it that there wasn't anyone else.. Like I said I do know where he is most of the time and the kids face time him a lot at the moment and he always rings them.. He's had the kids a whole weekend as well at his mums.. Would a man with a new woman see and talk to the kids so much or be with her?? hmm

BriansBrain Tue 09-Apr-13 23:42:21

Dreadful, are you able to manage financially in the home and has he seen the DC in the last few weeks?

Jennymailen Tue 09-Apr-13 23:43:42

That's what he said purplewithred ... He said he's only stayed for the kids and he hasn't loved me for ages.... I didn't bloody have any idea tho :-(

MrsPeeWee Tue 09-Apr-13 23:46:03

I agree with other posters. I have a very sneaky suspicion there's another women.

Lovely, you are in denial. It's written all over your post.

I am so sorry, but I think you need some perspective. Every one else can see something isn't what it seems. sad Sorry.

thanks Hand holding here.

Jennymailen Tue 09-Apr-13 23:46:13

I don't know what I'm going to do yet.. Luckily I only have a small mortgage and I'm afraid I'm going to have to get help from the system for a while until I get on my feet again.. I havnt worked for 5 years because he was in a well paid job.. The building trade so I'm certain he wouldn't meet another woman at work.. Plus my mate works with him

Charbon Tue 09-Apr-13 23:47:31

Yes of course he would if he's a good father.

His attitude towards you is another clue there is an OW.

When people fall out of love and end their relationships, unless there has been abuse there is not usually this level of disrespect and contempt for the partner left behind. However in my observation nothing causes a previously loving partner to treat his partner with callous disregard as much as a new love interest.

Charbon Tue 09-Apr-13 23:51:30

Lots of x posting going on.

When you say 'the building trade' do you mean a site or working in clients' houses?

Have you considered that he might have met someone online?

What does your friend who works with him say? Is this a woman?

What about your sex life?

Jennymailen Tue 09-Apr-13 23:51:32

Well I really don't think there is.. He isn't very good at emotions and talking really... Plus I don't think another woman would put up with him lol... He knows I would find out and I have already said its better to tell me now so I can deal with it... He actually swore on his children and his family that there isn't anyone else... I know I sound in denial but obviously I know him in life.. (well I did) lol

Jennymailen Tue 09-Apr-13 23:53:43

A site.. He works with a male friend and family.. My friend was shocked when I saw him the day after he left.. He didn't believe me and he assured me he has never seen anything suspicious and he wouldn't lie to me

Jennymailen Tue 09-Apr-13 23:53:59

Sex life was normal

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