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unsure about how to be 'the good wife'forever...........

(26 Posts)
minipoppet Tue 09-Apr-13 08:28:12

where to start? we have been married for 11 years have 4 children,dh works for himself and always has done.I mostly run the house,his business and wash the sport gear each weekend so on and so forth.I put on a very good front locally as we live in a small village in devon so as beautiful as it can be everyone knows your business so can't really talk openly to anyone here about our 'issues' due to the nature of the way we live,it can be very isolating at times.

The issue being that although I have kept all of this together for so long it is waring me thin,I need something else-I decided to give up my chances of a career whilst the children were small as I felt I couldn't put my all into all of it so chose the children (for now whilst they are so dependant).
All this seems to have done is enabled dh to do more as I am always there,always doing always happy outside the house at least which is great for his 'image'....dont get me wrong I occasionally 'explode' at him about how frustrating it can be having a 5th child.

he helps minimally in the house (does jobs around the house that he likes doing and leaves the rest)-having said that I would rather he spent time with the children when he gets home and does leave the house to me really because if he takes that away then I really have nothing to call my own.

sometimes I feel as if we are singing form the same song sheet but usually only when I have had a huge moan at him...he picks up his game for at least a few months then back to normal..I feel a bit of a doormat and my main reason for not liking his behaviour is that I don't expect my children to behave like this when they become independent adults...oh but how to make the change when I have let it go on so long and he is 'kind,lovely,works so hard and never raises his voice'-this is what everyone says about him-I could scream.........

he can make time for hobbies, his friends etc and very rarely plans anything for 'us' he talks a good talk-he always says things to keep me passive like-'you are so lovely', you are beautiful'-sound s great I know but then I usually turn around to see he has left a load of hair in the bath,moaned at the children and then gone out the door until late in the evening.....Is this marriage???I do sometimes feel like the old fashioned way of running a house works but is this how women that do this are meant to feel----how do you keep this up long term??or do the children just fly the nest & I become suddenly free again..... my family live abroad so I don't have any help so to speak or support some weekends I see nobody..I can plan to I know but hard with 4 little ones and most of my friends are usually busy then

Sorry its long confused

cantbetheonlyone Tue 09-Apr-13 13:30:41

Feminist group? he'll love that...

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