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Emptynester

(60 Posts)
happyfeet210 Mon 08-Apr-13 18:02:32

I am new at this and a little scared to say what's on my mind but here goes!
Are there other middle aged mums who struggle when their children leave? I am a retired 51 year old. (I have always worked until last year) My 20 year old daughter (only child) just headed back to Uni. She is in the 3rd term of her 2nd year. I am really proud of the way she has flown our nest and is getting on just fine but every time she leaves I just feel she takes another little piece of me. I still feel redundant and sad. I know looking back is wrong, I just need to take a can of "man-up" and get busy, and this is what I do, but it doesn't get any easier! Got any tips?

springyhappychick Wed 10-Apr-13 18:35:14

My neice came to stay for about a week - trouble with her parents - and, although my kids were all at home, I missed her dreadfully when she went. Had a good cry about it (nobody knew). And that's after a week!!

1944girl Wed 10-Apr-13 18:57:40

I am now 68 and have yet to have an empty nest!.
My DS2 his wife and two children have lived with me and DH for the past ten years.There was a time when he was married to his first wife-he got married the first time at 19-when I could say I had an empty nest but he kept coming back and forward.DS1 left home years ago.
I now have one of his daughters from his first marriage living here as well.That makes seven of us in one house.
Sometimes I could scream at them all, but I know when the time comes for all of them to flee I will break my heart.

happyfeet210 Wed 10-Apr-13 20:00:06

Ah 99problems sorry you are reading this as no mums here want their dc to know too much about how they feel as we don't want to hold our dc's back and no doubt your mum will feel the same so please don't take this on your shoulders when you move from your mum it'll be your time to fly and tbh this feels like counselling! I thought I was a real soft overprotective mum but this thread has 52 messages so proof that we all feel the same thanks. There are no plans for grandchildren, I was a mature mum and dd will prob be the same, she has plans to work abroad after Uni - ah that'll be worse! I'd like to give you all a hug (and a cupcake).

happyfeet210 Wed 10-Apr-13 20:27:40

1944girl you are a saint!! x

boombangalang Wed 10-Apr-13 20:33:11

Oh God - I am dreading it - dreading it... I have spent all my time with my daughter since the day she was born. I am a writer and have worked from home forever so I am home with her all the time and in 2 years time she is leaving for Uni and I hate it even now. I tell her its great and exciting with so many good times ahead for you but inside I am weeping already. I have friends, she has friends, we go out without each other... But the hole she will leave? The empty bedroom, the cat always looking for her, not finding her so jumping on me instead. The not buying food for two, the fact that the only light on in the house will be the one in the room I am in - not in her room or in the hall because she did not turn it off - her music not on, her shoes not under my feet, her dishes not dumped int he sink... Pathetic - I am pathetic.

happyfeet210 Wed 10-Apr-13 20:51:59

oh I know,I know that's how it makes you feel, you don't want to tell friends because its does seem pathetic. When she left I went into her room every night, closed the blind and said good night. Its hard when you are that close I think my dd feels it too which is why she throws herself wholeheartedly into all she does and leaves herself no spare time - we could do with a book on this subject wink.

springyhappychick Thu 11-Apr-13 00:12:06

Just once I put the light and music on in his (last one to go) room because I couldn't bear the emptiness of the house. I knew he wasn't there but it was a comfort to see the light on at his window and under his door.

boom you are not pathetic! If you are then I am. and I'm not wink

I also miss their friends! I wonder how they're getting on but it would be too creepy to follow them up - but for years I had a houseful of kids with trainers by the door the size of boats, which I fell over regularly. and noise and thumping about and laughing; endless kids crammed around the table eating up all my food. I saw one of my son's friends in the local supermarket and I didn't have time to be cool - absolute delight was apparent on my face and I completely gushed blush

AgathaF Thu 11-Apr-13 10:12:29

springy - I miss the house full of kids too. It's annoying sometimes, at the time, to come home to find the fridge emptied, but I do miss it.

I really missed hearing him play the guitar when he left for uni too. The last couple of days before he started uni, whenever I heard him playing it made me cry.

oldwomaninashoe Thu 11-Apr-13 11:29:15

I long to have an empty nest, I have 3 grown sons still at home and I am in my 60's. I long to retire, as I get older the early starts, the commuting are just getting too much.
DH and I could downsize if they left but while they are supposedly "saving " for deposits I see no end to it all. I now have my toddler nephew every weekend and my life is really not my own.

Oh how I long for them all to leave!

1944girl Thu 11-Apr-13 21:12:21

Thanks happyfeet.
I sometimes think I must be a terrible sinner, the names I call of them when they start fighting!

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