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Last train to Loserville Part 2

(1000 Posts)
LoserNoMore Sun 07-Apr-13 21:55:44

After the overwhelming support I've received on my thread I had to start another. Well I didn't have to but I have found all the advice so helpful that even if I only receive one more piece it will help.

I'll try and post the link to the full sorry story. Never linked on my phone before so it may not work.

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1722750-This-doesnt-look-good-does-it?pg=40&order=

Loulybelle Tue 23-Apr-13 18:29:34

Oh we can ensure a crappy, feeble excuse, much like his behaviour so far

Xales Tue 23-Apr-13 18:27:46

Sorry you saw them together sad it can't be a real surprise though. Are you going to let him know that you did?

Wait for the excuses...

'They were off to the Dr to confirm the pregnancy'
'They were off to the abortion clinic'
'He was seeing her one last time to tell her he loved you'

What ever he tells you it won't be the truth as he is incapable of that.

cjel Tue 23-Apr-13 18:04:29

'theirs' - hers

cjel Tue 23-Apr-13 18:01:29

So sorry you saw that. I saw my dh car at theirs on Monday, I left him nearly 2yrs ago and don't want him back am happier without etc, etc but still came home and cried and its so soon for you <<hugs>>

JaxTellerIsAllMine Tue 23-Apr-13 17:45:31

oh, what a shock for you LNM. Prick that he is.

Do you have any plans this week for him to see the girls? If not, maybe organise a day over weekend for him to take them out and an evening during week for tea after school. Actually, fuckit, why should you organise it.

He is running around playing batchelor boy, living a lie.

seriously if you don't have animals don't bother. i have two dogs, one cat and two chickens in a house with only one adult and a six year old boy. i really need to stop compensating for the lack of nuclear family.

i've had them before (ex-bats who were taken in the night by a very determined fox in the depths of winter) but these two i've only had since saturday. today was the first day i let them free range in the garden whilst i was at work. came home to one looking shell shocked but fine in her house and one nowhere to be seen. assumed the worst even though the idea of a fox clambering over gardens full of geriatrics getting their garden gadgetry out for the first day of the year (seriously they seem to live for mowing their lawns and trimming their bushes) seemed highly unlikely. picked up ds and told him the bad news only for said chicken to suddenly appear in next doors garden. went and retrieved her much relieved and another neighbour from 3 doors down in the other direction appeared to tell me the other one had been in her garden that morning and they'd brought her back and put her in her house.

their wings were clipped on saturday but clearly not well enough. they've managed to get over fences and hedges and have a bloody good free range today grin

am on the wine rather early and have ordered takeaway after all the drama. they are really young (10 weeks) so very light and presumably that makes flying escapades a lot easier. my last lot could barely get a foot off the ground but they were ex battery hens who'd been stuck in cages so i guess not prime specimens of athletic ability.

now aren't you glad you asked for my long boring chicken story!? grin

lazarusb Tue 23-Apr-13 17:28:50

He'll come up with an excuse for them being together. It doesn't matter. He's a liar and not worthy of your pain. Every time you feel a little better, he kicks you in the face again. They're not love's young dream btw. What 'they' are is a lie. A mess. A physical example of his betrayal. Seedy, sleazy and sick-making.

I'm sorry you saw them together so unexpectedly.

NotSoNervous Tue 23-Apr-13 17:20:11

AwLNM I'm so sorry you saw that. Does he know you saw them together? Others are right this is the type of man he is, your so much better off without him, I know that might be hard to see now through all the hurt and pain your feeling but eventually you'll get there and be so glad you kicked him out

CabbageLeaves Tue 23-Apr-13 17:15:50

Well if there was any doubt about your future....

The loser has left the train?

How long have you had chickens SaF? And what was the drama. I am a new chicken keeper...

imtheonlyone Tue 23-Apr-13 17:03:23

What you gonna call the new thread? Please tell me there will be a new thread! wink

imtheonlyone Tue 23-Apr-13 17:01:54

* confirmation!

imtheonlyone Tue 23-Apr-13 17:00:59

Oh what a day lnm!! Of course you feel crap having seen that - again, showing himself to be the out and out liar that he appears to be!! Probably like Max on Eastenders - he can't have the steak because he betrayed her trust and she won't have him back so now is settling for the burger! (You are obviously the fillet of all steaks wink)
It's never ceased to amaze me how much men are ruled by their dicks! They can profess to be madly in love with you but still be fucking someone else. Either that or they move on to the next woman very very quickly.
You will get these 'first' experiences. Like seeing them together, or a dd's birthday, Christmas etc. really hard to deal with the first time but then gets better as time goes on. Try to look on it as further conformation that you're doing the right thing (as if you needed more!). What a total idiot he is hmm

this is the husband he is, this is the father he is, this is the man that he is.

he's still your children's father and let's hope he maintains a good relationship with them BUT face the reality that this is a reflection on his standards for fatherhood and how reliable/decent/honest a human being he is. your children will have to face his limitations and no doubt still love him but they have sneaky, morally weak, selfish little man for a dad.

sad What a kick in the teeth for you.

I agree with Loulybelle he'd still lie.

I hope you can start to get on with your new life without this dick? x

i'm sorry - i cross posted with you saying you'd seen them together. so sorry lnm. this is who he is! this is what he is capable of. his morality, decency, ethics, ability to live with himself etc etc etc are a zillion miles away from who you are and your basic core values.

this is who he is.

i feel like i'm weird for never having cheated and never having really had the urge to cheat. if i'm with someone it's because i want to be with them - if i'm looking at other people and seriously considering shagging them then surely that's clear enough signal that i'm not happy with the person i'm with? then it's resolve the situation you're in or call it a day because i clearly don't love them if i want to be with someone else. this to me seems clear. so i can't really respect someone (i can empathise and feel for them and be their friend perhaps but i certainly can't want them as my standing together equal life partner) who doesn't see it that clearly and engages in hanging onto one person and situation by lying and sneaking whilst dabbling in another situation and getting their end away and getting off on it.

just don't get it. and if one of you just doesn't get it and the other can do it then..... clearly you're not cut from the same cloth and you're irrevocably different in your core values.

Loulybelle Tue 23-Apr-13 16:45:35

Ugh, sorry LNM, it was so bleeding obvious, i bet if you tell him you saw him and her, he'd still lie. what a cock.

hey lnm - i get that - the not being able to be with someone who betrayed you like that. i know oh everyone says that mentality but i'm literally the same. i think for some of us it is a very simple black and white issue if you like. i think i could possibly forgive someone sleeping with someone, realising what they'd done and immediately coming to me and saying jesus i fucked up so fucking terribly and i am so bloody sorry etc etc. it is possible i could rant and rage and calm down and forgive them an idiotic mistake - because we're all capable of idiotic states and being momentarily selfish, self absorbed, childish and whatever.

what i know i could never forgive is someone lying and deceiving and doing something behind my back without telling me. i couldn't forgive them the disrespect and deceit and i could never forgive them the cowardice (re: i could never ever respect them as a grown up again).

it's just part of who we are and not even a decision really. what is incredible is that he didn't know about you. you didn't know he was capable of this and he utterly underestimated who you are in your values and self respect and core of who you are.

i cannot imagine the disrespect and utter lack of care involved in sneaking around behind the person who you're meant to be sharing a life with's back and not being overcome by the need to be honest. i literally can't imagine EVER being able to do that. so why on earth would i want to be with someone who could do that?

sorry long tangent of ME! smile

i have had chicken drama and weird work quandries today so possibly overly in need of distraction hence venting all this at you. i hopeyou've had a good day.

LoserNoMore Tue 23-Apr-13 16:35:36

Shit , notsonervous. I seen ex and OW together in his car earlier. I can't even describe how I feel. I want to say I don't care but I do. How can he do that, feeding me a pile of shit one minute then driving around like loves young dream the next. I don't want him back but it's a major slap in the face and I fucking hate being lied to. Why not just tell me he's with her? Maybe I'd have been a bit more prepared.

NotSoNervous Tue 23-Apr-13 16:14:11

How you doing today LNM?

All you need to do for CC is firstly make sure you are linked up to facebook then uninstall app from phone, reinstall it via App Store, click on the box that says FB when it opens, then voila 5 extra lives!

I'm still stuck on 165 though hmm

JaxTellerIsAllMine Tue 23-Apr-13 09:34:47

imshera oh poor mrss. I can only send huge hugs, any possibility of a namechange and Other Place, maybe PM those of 'us' she would like to know was her. In the meantime I am so pleased she has you. Would you mind keeping us up to date of how she is? Hoping it is early stages and she gets better.

LNM you will get past 147 - I did, took me aaaaaaaaaagggggggges

cabbage a good friend of mine is in same position you were - now 14 months on, she is still with H but its not good, she is still mentally in same place as when she was told of affair. sad self esteem rock bottom and it scares me and her other close friends.

lazarusb Tue 23-Apr-13 09:21:33

LNM - I understand what Cabbage is saying - maybe I jumped in with both feet! I said what I did because it is easy to waiver (and normal). To compartmentalise, rationalise, remember the good bits, he can't really have done that to me...the whole thing. I stayed with a cheating bf as teenager until I just didn't love him any more. I wish I'd had the self-respect to walk away the first time but I kept thinking 'well, he always comes back to me' angry I sometimes wish I could see him again and tell him that I was far too good for him & everyone could see it except him!

I went back to ds1's dad several times too, despite abuse. Again...self-respect & self-esteem not my strong point! But dh is the opposite. He changed the way I saw myself. He, as a result of his hard work, knows that one step out of line and it's over! What Fairenuff said is true re:Dove. We can always see our faults but rarely do we see what makes us the strong & amazing people that we are! You are a strong woman dealing with a terrible time and doing really well smile

imshera - so sorry to hear about mrs. It never just rains does it? I hope it's been caught early and she can focus her strength on getting better and kick h and sil to the kerb as and when she is ready. There is always the other place and a name change if she wants to come back to mn.

Fairenuff Tue 23-Apr-13 08:20:39

Not much room left on this thread now, lnm, will you link a new one?

I saw an advert for Dove yesterday and their new tag line is "We can see the beauty in others, why can't we see it in ourselves".

I like that.

Not just natural beauty but kindness and courage which shines through. We can all see it in you lnm and in each other from time to time.

Today, let's search for the hero inside ourselves... grin

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