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Demanding Dp

(28 Posts)
ChubbyBean Wed 03-Apr-13 12:07:41

I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable, but I just need to get a little perspective.

Last night like many times before Dp demands I go and give him a cuddle. I was tired. I know that I withdraw from him physically, mainly because a kiss and cuddle are never just that. He usually pesters me incessantly for sex. I feel like I'm constantly giving in to his demands just keep the peace. To stop him from sulking etc. He often thrusts himself onto me whilst hugging me. He'll grope or attempt to have sex with me even when i say no. I have to push him away. Or get up and walk away. I find pressure to have sex a major major turn off. Yet I worry about the lack of intimacy (i have low libido). I feel put upon and constantly tired. He can be quite selfish and lacks empathy which angers me after a long day with dd.

Our sex life has taken a massive hit since having dd. We co-sleep. I suffered badly from PND largely brought on (i think) due to lack of support. I have lost a lot of confidence and almost don't know who i am anymore. I'm just mummy. I wanted to return to work a while back but he categorically said he wanted me to stay at home. He was worried that I'd expect him to help much more than he currently does. I often feel like a single parent, I have to ask him to do things around the house or with dd. We've talked about it but not much changes.

I feel like he controls everything I do. The only thing that I have that is my own is my body. And even that he behaves as though he's entitled to it. I feel like he doesn't respect me by forcing himself onto me. I feel like we're stuck in this vicious cycle of him demanding sex and me being turned off and rejecting it. I just needed to vent.

ChubbyBean Wed 03-Apr-13 13:32:05

I've just gone back on fluoxetine after coming off citalopram 6 months ago. I could get back in touch with friends via Facebook. But I fear that were in different chapters. Given I'm a sahm with a toddler and most of them have careers and are foot loose etc. I'm also due to move house in a couple of weeks so the timing isn't great in terms of staying away for a bit.

As much as Dp is an arse I do struggle to be assertive. Therefore when he expects me to do things for dd etc. I generally just get on with it. I seriously have never seen his behaviour as abusive. Maybe somewhat controlling...Maybe that's where I've gone wrong. I don't actually know what a good relationship looks like.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 03-Apr-13 16:26:32

"I have no financial independence, if I left where would I go. I have barely a penny to my name."

Then you need a plan to reassert your independence. Finding a job, having your own bank account, generating some extra income that you can squirrel away into savings, widening your social circle (book babysitters if 'Daddy' can't be arsed) ... all of those kinds of things help boost your confidence as well as form the basis of an escape route...

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 03-Apr-13 16:28:38

" I generally just get on with it. I seriously have never seen his behaviour as abusive. Maybe somewhat controlling..."

There's an easy way to test. Start by being less biddable and simply saying 'no' more often. 'You do it'. 'I'm going out tonight. You'll be OK with the baby won't you?' 'I'm going for an interview/I've found a job/the CM will start Monday'.... etc. See what the reaction is.

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