Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.

H not getting on with dd

(188 Posts)
npg1 Mon 01-Apr-13 14:22:18

Hi. Need some advice, its making me miserable.

I have married my new partner. I have 2 children aged 10 and 6. Dd1 loves her step dad, dd2 is going through a funny phase at the moment. She gets upset and in moods easily which really winds H up. He thinks I baby her too much. He says she winds him up all the time, that she is nasty and he doesbt like her. I am finding her difficult at the moment, making me very stressed out too. Both dds have gone through alot of change recently. Their dad has a new baby in family now.

H has just said to me he would rather be at work! He lounges around not wanting to go out and wonders why the kids r climbing the walls.

Any advice please x

LoveThatWednesdayFeeling Mon 01-Apr-13 18:45:30

Hi OP
what a horrible situation for you, and for your daughter. All I would say to you is be the very best parent that you can be. Ask yourself if were to ride this out, how would he cope with a stroppy, hormonal teen?

Children know more than we sometimes give them credit for.

izzyizin Mon 01-Apr-13 18:49:02

Don't put the bunting up just yet, folks - this cocklodging twunt's not going give up his cosy sinecure unless the OP puts her toe up his self-entitled arse and unceremoniously boots him out of home.

izzyizin Mon 01-Apr-13 18:50:15

He is a 'stroppy hormonal teen' Love - he never got beyond this stage and he never will.

Cherriesarelovely Mon 01-Apr-13 18:57:44

Thank goodness for that OP. I think you are doing absolutely the right thing for you and your Dds. I absolutely, 100% would not put up with a DP speaking about my Dd in that way, I cannot understand people who put their DPs/DHs before their kids. Well done for standing up to him.

Machli Mon 01-Apr-13 19:06:13

Oh I agree Izzy this one isn't going to go quietly, they never do.

He's leaving is he? Good. What the hell did he expect you to do, throw your six year old daughter out?

She has been through a divorce, a new baby for her dad, a new husband for her mum, and now this hideous hostile attitude from a grown man who is supposed to be caring for her together with you in the family unit.

No wonder she doesn't behave very well!

I do hope you are going to let make him go.

And don't let him back. This situation could only get worse for all of you. You need to teach the dds what is acceptable in relationships. You need to enjoy the freedom of having a glass of wine whenever you want, without being observed and judged. He can just fuck. right. off.

beautyfades Mon 01-Apr-13 19:10:04

You an your dc are worth so much more than man like him.... Thinking of you OP.

snowshapes Mon 01-Apr-13 19:12:29

Please, please follow through on this. The good news is that you have only wasted two and a half years of your life and if you put your DD first and show her the love and respect she deserves, this will just be a bad blip she can get over. She needs to know that she comes first, and your other dd as this is not good for her either.

Do not let him come back. The first time I asked exh to leave he did come back, it did not matter. He also ended up obviously bullying my dd. It was less obvious at first because we did not live together. But what your h is saying is obvious and it is not just because stepfamilies are difficult. He is treating you like a skivvy and picking on your dd. Please please let him go. I cannot tell you much happier my house is since I finally split with exh.

LoveThatWednesdayFeeling Mon 01-Apr-13 19:12:55

I agree izzy
keep coming back here for support OP

snowshapes Mon 01-Apr-13 19:15:41

Sorry that should say it did not get better not it did not matter

snowshapes Mon 01-Apr-13 19:19:10

Please please insist that he goes.

izzyizin Mon 01-Apr-13 20:10:19

So, he's had a shit, shower, and shave. Have you got shot of him yet?

ImperialBlether Mon 01-Apr-13 22:12:39

OP, let him go, say absolutely nothing to him and shut the door behind him. At least you don't have to worry about him trying to see them.

Can we assume he's living in your house, too?

ImperialBlether Mon 01-Apr-13 22:16:20

I'm just trying to picture your little girl's happiness when she knows he's gone.

Ahhhcrap Mon 01-Apr-13 22:21:26

Good luck OP, sounds like you've had a lucky escape

Ahhhcrap Mon 01-Apr-13 22:21:43

Good luck OP, sounds like you've had a lucky escape

Helltotheno Mon 01-Apr-13 22:40:43

OP you need to get your priorities straight from here on in: your kids are no. 1, men come and go, and in your case, you could do with letting them go for a long time. I can't understand how you could even listen to him talking about your precious DC like that and not punch him, what's wrong with you?

I think you'll find your child's behaviour will be much better when he's gone, as will your own life. Do what's right for your kids here...

npg1 Mon 01-Apr-13 22:55:15

He didnt go. He sat upstairs and was texting me saying he is trying to find accommodation. then he said lets take took dog out and he was much better with kids so thought perhaps he had had a chance to think. Tonight he has barely spoke to me or cuddled me or said sorry. He said whats he got to say sorry about. I have now come upnto bed to watch tv. Cant stand his moping around and trying to make me feel sorry for him

He said he feels like we drifting apart. Im childminding all day tomorrow, not sure I can bare to be around him

npg1 Mon 01-Apr-13 22:56:44

Its rented but I was here first so im not leaving.

Please dont get me wrong. My kids arnt scared of him.

izzyizin Mon 01-Apr-13 22:59:04

Of course he didn't go. He never intended to go anywhere.

Your dc have been through enough. FGS get this cocklodging tosser out of your home and let him do his sulking 'thinking' elsewhere.

Hissy Mon 01-Apr-13 23:01:09

He has to go. Your home is your business.

Tell him that he's leaving. Be clear on this.

Helltotheno Mon 01-Apr-13 23:02:58

You sound like you're still putting him first. Have you sat down with your DD and found out how she feels about him?

Be decisive here. Stop indulging him, just get rid.

snowshapes Mon 01-Apr-13 23:32:38

He said your dd is nasty and winds him up, that she is spoilt, that he would rather be in work, etc. He is talking about a six year old who has been through major life changes, who is no doubt upset and who is responding accordingly. And he does not see anything wrong with his behaviour.

Seriously? And now he is sulking and playing the victim? This will not get better. It will not be fixed by happy families dog walking. He is bullying a six year old. If he is not yet doing it directly, believe me, it won't be long before that starts.

npg1 Tue 02-Apr-13 09:17:32

I dont know what to do. I went to bed, he came up later and cuddled me several times during the night.

He is like a big child. Has to have everything done for him, thats his mothers fault.

I bet he will end up staying in bed most of the day.

I feel so alone and so unhappy

Rainbowinthesky Tue 02-Apr-13 09:21:56

Errr, no it's not his mother's fault; it's his fault. If it is really as you say it is you need to get rid of him but I very much doubt you really mean it, feel that strongly about it or will do anything. Instead your dd will grow up ostracised in her own home, will be a difficult teenager (he'll be right then) and will leave home as soon as she can and rightly blame you.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now