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H not getting on with dd

(188 Posts)
npg1 Mon 01-Apr-13 14:22:18

Hi. Need some advice, its making me miserable.

I have married my new partner. I have 2 children aged 10 and 6. Dd1 loves her step dad, dd2 is going through a funny phase at the moment. She gets upset and in moods easily which really winds H up. He thinks I baby her too much. He says she winds him up all the time, that she is nasty and he doesbt like her. I am finding her difficult at the moment, making me very stressed out too. Both dds have gone through alot of change recently. Their dad has a new baby in family now.

H has just said to me he would rather be at work! He lounges around not wanting to go out and wonders why the kids r climbing the walls.

Any advice please x

usualsuspect Mon 01-Apr-13 17:07:32

I think you know what you have to do really.

Put your child first.

Rainbowinthesky Mon 01-Apr-13 17:07:42

Let him go then although I doubt he has any intention of going. You made a mistake but you don't need to keep on paying for it. Have some time on your own being single and don't rush into being so serious so quickly again.

Hissy Mon 01-Apr-13 17:09:08

He's not just a cocklodger. He's an abusive cocklodger.

(((hugs)))

It takes on average 2 years for an abuser's mask to slip. He's just started.

Your instincts are screaming at you, and you, understandably have sought help in the form of AD medication.

My love, this man wants your littlest one out of his hair. Are you supposed to put her up for adoption or something?

Please, for your babies, for yourself, tell him he doesn't have to put up with anything, and actually, neither do you.

He needs to leave. ASAP. If it's as "unbearable" as he intimates, he'll jump at the chance to get out now, won't he.

Be strong, throw the bastard out.

lunar1 Mon 01-Apr-13 17:09:22

Let him go, and don't let him come crawling back

Hissy Mon 01-Apr-13 17:10:05

Meant to say, no amount of medication will fix this. The issues isn't you. It's him.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Mon 01-Apr-13 17:11:59

Please let him leave, make him understand that if he's asking you to choose... You ll always choose your children.

Hissy Mon 01-Apr-13 17:12:24

Let him go
let him go
let him go, let him go, let him go.

You won't regret it.

StuntGirl Mon 01-Apr-13 17:13:31

I agree the signs were there and you missed/ignored them.

Time for a serious discussion with him spelling out exactly what you expect to change and what will happen if he doesn't. A grown adult behaving like this over a child is unacceptable.

Your children deserve more than this.

NeedlesCuties Mon 01-Apr-13 17:14:20

What a pig.

sad

Your DDs need you to do what is right for them.

If he can't stand the heat, then let him walk.

StuntGirl Mon 01-Apr-13 17:15:07

Oh, x-post. Let him leave. You'll be happier without him, promise.

juneau Mon 01-Apr-13 17:16:57

I have wasted all my savings that I had 10k on the wedding and am left with nothing if he goes

You're kidding - you'd stay in this useless union just because you blew your savings on getting married shock???

You need to have a very serious think about your priorities (which should be your DC first, your love life second), forgetting about what the wedding cost FFS, as if that has anything to do with anything at all, and then decide if living with this useless man is actually doing any of you any good. Because he sounds like a lazy sponger who wants you to earn lots of money and wishes you didn't already have kids.

npg1 Mon 01-Apr-13 17:19:59

Hes just said dd2 is a spoilt brat

Viviennemary Mon 01-Apr-13 17:23:43

Your DD is only a small child. I'm presuming the one who doesn't get on with your new DH is the six year old. She has been through an extremely difficult time and now her own Dad has a new baby. This must be really hard. I think you and your H should be a lot more sympathetic to her. Not saying excuse really naughty behaviour. It doesn't sound as if your DH has launched himself very enthusiastically into family life. It sounds as if he's more to blame than your DD.

Rainbowinthesky Mon 01-Apr-13 17:26:12

What the hell are you doing posting here about the insults your husband is making about your six year old? I wouldn't all my dc father talk about my dc in this way but you seem to and post blithely about it on an internet forum!

whokilleddannylatimer Mon 01-Apr-13 17:27:13

What is he expecting you to do though? Chuck her out, lock her away?

What an Arse, he does need to go, and he needs to go now. Don't subject your child to this excuse of a man. It doesn't matter if he doesn't really like her, as an adult you put on your brave face and you do the right thing, even if you want to scream and yell at the kids behavior. Poor girl, she lost her Mum to this man and now has lost her Dad to a new baby, even if the adults don't see things that way I bet she does.
Kick him out, put on pajamas and have a cuddle on the couch with the girls.

Hissy Mon 01-Apr-13 17:31:57

Is he still there... Thought he was leaving?

Go get some bin bags and help the fucker pack.

Machli Mon 01-Apr-13 17:32:44

He's said he's leaving? Good! Tell him to go right now. It's perfect. I know you probably think its easy for us to say but I dumped someone for far less. Please please tell him to go.

whokilleddannylatimer Mon 01-Apr-13 17:34:33

I agree With Viv, presume in the last three or so years your six year old has gone through marriage breakdown, divorce, new partner, new marriage, new step dad, new baby.

Its a lot to deal with, not excusing her bad behaviour but I would be expecting my husband to be more understanding of that.

If I was the ex husband and was told by my children their new stepdad thought they were nasty, a spoilt brat and didnt like them I would be VERY worried tbh.

OhLori Mon 01-Apr-13 17:41:51

Wishing you luck OP. honesty re. future is best, but you must be feeling pretty crap sad, and I expect your feelings hurt investing in this <knows the feeling>. Anyway good luck for the future for you and your children.

bestsonever Mon 01-Apr-13 17:42:01

He's a manchild who could do with some home truths, before you ask him to leave.

macdoodle Mon 01-Apr-13 17:42:53

sad I think my DD2 can be a spoilt brat. My lovely DP will stand up for her every single time (she may have him twisted tightly round her little finger, but actually its quite sweet grin). Get rid!

TurnipCake Mon 01-Apr-13 17:43:07

There is a nasty brat in your household, hopefully you're helping him to stuff his belongings into bin liners

npg1 Mon 01-Apr-13 17:43:59

He is upstairs getting showered. Im downstairs with kids. I told him to go out and then get his stuff kater cos dont want kids seeing

Doha Mon 01-Apr-13 18:29:13

Make sure he goes and don't let him back.

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