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Coping with the anger/ resentment towards parents, without becoming bitter!

(6 Posts)
Bedtime1 Sat 30-Mar-13 04:35:54

There has been a lot of drama this week in my family since Tuesday and I am fuming, angry. I just want to let it go but can't. Feel like exploding.

My parents both appear narcisstic/ dysfunctional. On so many levels they aren't good parents. Mum and dad are split up. It was dad saying a lot of critical things . Now it's mum. Things never change.

I'm fuming that mum has ruined my relationship with my sister who still lives at home with her. She twists, manipulates, lies. In arguments Tells me my sister doesnt like me, never wants to see me again. ( brings her into it) Threatens me basically that if I fall out with my mum then she will insure my relationship with my sister is finished. Hence the lying to her. Making herself out to be a victim. She just needs attention constantly, she can't stand it going to anyone else and is jealous of everything.

I'm sick of her. Then I'm just supposed to get back to normal after her cruelty and be her friend. How can I be? Drama and crap has been going on years not just with the sister thing but this hurts a lot.

What I'm really trying to ask is can I get passed this? How do I get over this anger I feel towards her and the bitterness? I just want this out of my headspace if you know what I mean. What she has done with me and my sister feels evil really. How do I calm down and settle this in my mind, so i don't feel so bad towards my mum? How can I look at it differently?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 30-Mar-13 08:12:08

Be your own person. Be properly independent of your family. Follow your own standards, make your own rules, live your own life and be fully engaged with whatever it is you like to do and the people you choose to be with. Make that your normal.

Attention-seekers are best dealt with by starving them of attention. 'Detaching' is quite a negative term so think of it more as 'attaching' to something more constructive & fulfilling instead. If you switch the focus of your attention your parents and sister will just become some distant soap opera, yelling into the wind, and far less relevant.

Shellywelly1973 Sat 30-Mar-13 08:45:58

Such a good point!
I've 'detached' from my mum & sister. It felt like a negative thing to do but it has been positive. I thought they would make a big fuss but they have just been very quiet & you know what? I don't care, the peace & quiet is lovely.

Its given me the 'brain space' to work out other things in my life. I've got another thread on relationships, basically dp's next!!

Bedtime1 Sat 30-Mar-13 13:26:14

Thanks I am going to try and divert my attention elsewhere. I just feel caught up in it now. My heads just a bit puddled! I'm coming down wth cold/ sinus trouble and not been sleeping well. Makes everything feel worse. I need to really fight don't to divert my mind?

It all make sense, it's those steps needed to try and divert my mind.

Shelley- I identify with giving you the brain space, that's why I don't see them much they unnerve me and my inner peace. I'll have a look at your thread if I can find it.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 30-Mar-13 15:44:27

Diversion helps. Families are great in small doses but even the best behaved ones can be suffocating if you get too involved. I think it's Nature's way of saying 'leave home'... and, if you've left home already, 'move further away' smile

Bedtime1 Wed 03-Apr-13 02:49:55

Thanks cogito. I still keep trying to remember what you have said.

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