Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Right so I've just hugely fucked up acted like a cock but how do I fix it?

(31 Posts)
IneedAsockamnesty Fri 29-Mar-13 19:23:38

Exh is the father of one of my older children this child is severally impacted by ASD in the 10 years we have been divorced there have been many issues 100% of them caused by ex's attitude towards our child I have fallen over backwards to basiclly just do what ever it took for dc to have a relationship with ex.

Ex is a bully and belligerent arse he is also dishonest and has even previously attempted to secretly take dc to another country.

Usually I either agree with ex or if its a matter that I believe could cause harm to dc then we go to court on every occasion I have had to take a matter to court it has been so obvious that the issue is a problem that the court have never failed to agree with me

( we are talking stuff like trying to withdraw consent for school to give medication or withdraw him from school so not petty issues)

There are also massive maintenance issues but I ignore those now.

Now just over a year ago dc walked out of his dads on a contact time went to a friends and asked his mum to call me to get him. Turned out dads gf was drunk and being rowdy and violent towards his dad as well as loudly insulting me. He then decided he did not wish to return.

Fast forward to Christmas just gone dad rang saying he had gifts for dc so dc agreed to go get them,these gifts turned out to be cash from aunties and gp ect dc was shown this but was not allowed to touch it nor bring it with him when he left. (Dad has actually stolen money that dc had in his pocket previously) so dc at the end of the visit thanked dad and came home.

A week later dad invited him back and dc went however the gf decided to rant and rave at dc and it got physical the upshot of this is dad got something like a caution for assault and dc has never been back.

This brings us to today.

Dad unexpectedly turned up on my doorstep with a Easter egg each for dc and all my younger children my friend had answered the door and accepted a bag that was handed to him I heard dads voice and dc yelling down the stairs that he didn't wish to see him.

Here's the acting like a cock bit. All dad did was say about 3 sentences and I lost it screamed at him to get off my property and then slammed the door in his face.

In my defence the 3 things he said were that dc is a liar (he actually never tells lies ever not even tiny ones if he try's he starts rocking and striming really badly) that dc is to much like me and I can't stop him seeing dc if he wants to.

I now feel like shit. In the bag was a letter for dc I read it to dc and its the closest thing to a sorry dad has ever said/ written and he has clearly tried to extend a olive branch and I slammed the door in his face.

I know that dc will never see him again unsupervised ect but I feel like I shouldn't have reacted the way I did.

So how to I fix it,I know I can't fix the back story I know I can't fix the problems they have but how do I put right my actions today?

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 30-Mar-13 10:30:47

I hadn't really looked at it that way.

MajaBiene Sat 30-Mar-13 10:33:22

Screaming and slamming the door was on ok way to behave imo. I wouldn't apologise either - your letter sounds really bowing and scraping.

If you have to send a letter at all, just reiterate that it was completely inappropriate for him to turn up unannounced, and he cannot verbally abuse you or your DC again.

If your DC want to say thank you for the eggs, let them do that separately.

MajaBiene Sat 30-Mar-13 10:35:04

I also think it is ok for the children to see that sometimes people can be pushed too far, and they won't always remain calm and passive in the face of provocation.

If you want to apologise to anyway, apologise to the kids if the shouting upset them.

RapunzelAteMyHamster Sat 30-Mar-13 11:35:57

I'm sorry, I was pretty harsh in my post reading it back. BUT. In your case, if you had punched him on the nose, run him over with your car or inserted his chocolate eggs where the sun doesn't shine, then you might need to apologise to him. Otherwise, nada. Maybe you've finally spoken to him in a way he understands?

It's probably worth saying to your kids that in an ideal world you shouldn't have shouted but he does not deserve one word of apology.

Your 15 year old probably thinks you're a hero.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 30-Mar-13 16:01:39

It would be quite good if I could run him over but may frighten the neighbours

FucktidiaBollockberry Mon 01-Apr-13 12:09:39

Arf.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now