Feel I am going mad

[3stars]

I have posted on here a few times, it's helpful to get others views and also stops me turning it round and round in my head:( I have been unhappy for a few years now and these last few months I have had enough and can't do it anymore. We fell out on mothers day weekend and I have been unable to 'get over' (his words!)what happened this time, on top of all the other things that have happened over the years I have had enough and cant bring myself to be bothered or care anymore:( I have been grumpy, miserable and I barely speak to him unless I have to(sounds bad I know) because I can't, I have always been the one to try and talk about things, tell him how I feel in the hope things may change but they don't and I realise now they won't:( what I find hard is his attitude, he thinks all is ok, behaves as he always has done, ignores the fact I am unhappy and when he does comment it's to blame me for being unhappy-not him, it's my problem, the other evening I was in a mood because there was football on-according to him anyway:( I have sought legal advise and am seriously considering divorce, but then I look at him and his behaviour and think I am deluded-how can I be this unhappy and him unphased? Is it really me? Have I got this completely wrong? Any views much appreciated, thank you for reading:)

[moonabove]

The crucial thing isn't his behaviour, it is that YOU are unhappy, YOU feel that his behaviour is wrong, YOU have come to accept that things won't change. If you feel these things then you feel them, no matter how unphased he might be.

You have already reached the point of taking legal advice so at times you are very certain of your feelings. Tbh, if you didn't have some doubts it would be very unusual - the end of any relationship is traumatic and full of regret for what you used to be and might have been but doesn't change the fact that it is finished.

Have you tried a trial separation? That might help to make things a bit calmer and clearer in your mind.

[Janni]

That sounds really awful for you, 3stars. Does he know you are contemplating divorce?

[3stars]

You are right,I can't help how I feel-I have put them aside many times but can't seem to do that now:( a trial seperation would be an idea but he will say I have to stay elsewhere which I can't do because we have three children whose schools,playschools, friends etc are near our home. He won't consider leaving temporarily-not even for their sake

[moonabove]

Have you told him you are considering divorce and have taken legal advice? Might be a wake-up call to him to consider a trial separation. Unlikely to change his behaviour if it's so deeply entrenched of course. Maybe call his bluff and say that you will go somewhere else and he can look after the children while you are away.

[3stars]

He does not know,my next step is to just tell him.wont leave the children with him- its not fair on them,god knows what would happen:0. I know I sound awful but I just can't take it anymore, I am tired of carrying our marriage-it all started to fall apart when I stopped caring:(

[3stars]

Thank you for your advice-it's always helpful on here:)

[moonabove]

I don't think you sound awful at all - I don't know all the background but you sound as if you've just been ground down over the years and got to a point of no return. He has to take his share of the blame in that - tho whether he will or not is another matter.

Probably best to find a time to talk to him soon and just start the process. Good luck x