I've NC for this thread. I apologise for spilling my guts a bit here but I'm in pain and need to get this out. 
I had to break up with someone I care very deeply about earlier this week. I don't want to go into the details of the break up, suffice to say there is nobody else involved on either side, no DV/EA, etc.
I had to break up with him on the phone due to distance, which was horrid in itself. During the call he was all over the place, understandably, even though I think he was expecting it. He said he loves me and that he will always be there for me, "you know where I am if you ever need me as a friend", but then later in the call he asked me not to contact him, in order to make it easier for him to heal. I had tried to end it several months ago but he made contact after a couple of weeks and we ended up back together.
Ok I'm rambling, sorry.
My problem now is that I am desperate to talk to him because I'm missing him so much. But he's asked me directly to not contact him and I have to respect that. I know that I want to talk him to just alleviate the pain now but it won't be helpful in the long run. So my urge to have some contact, even if it's only a text or email, is very selfish. I do know that I'm just really struggling to not do it. I'm checking my phone/email/twitter every 5 minutes looking for something from him even though he told me he will NOT contact me again.
I need a bit of hand holding, I need a bit of how to heal advice and I need to be told not to contact him because it's not fair on him.
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Please stop me from contacting him.
MostFamousMonkey · 29/03/2013 10:06
Thanks everyone, I knew I could rely on MN 
.
My bathroom is looking better than it has for months, and it's only half done so far.
I think I'm in the Denial part of the stages of grief/loss. I am looking at my phone every 10 minutes (slight improvement because it was every 5 mins an hour ago!) and trying to keep away from the laptop to check email. I've switched email alerts off on my phone for the weekend, but the laptop is still calling me. He TOLD me he wouldn't contact me this time. For the time being at least, I feel stronger about continuing the NC he asked for, although it really hurt me at the time he said it.
I think we both know that the truth is that it's really over this time. And it's final. We live in different parts of the country and I'm never likely to bump into him in Waitrose or at the pub. When previous relationships have ended there's always been that feeling that I hadn't seen them for the last time. But this time I know I'll never see him or talk to him again, that it's absolutely over and done, and that makes it so much harder.
Ok back to the bathroom because I feel myself slipping into a wallow of great magnitude.
Why did you end it?
If it really is the right thing then remember that every time you have contact (before you're over him) you're taking another 'hit' & will only want another one sooner. Cold turkey is usually better than prolonging the pain in these situations, although it hurts more to start with.
Hope you're ok besides this 
Mostfamous I'm another who's offering a hand-hold.
I'm also middle-aged and IME that matters not a jot when you've made such a difficult decision. I did the same as you a couple of months ago and I've kept NC although it's been hard sometimes.
You sound resolute and ironically I think that makes this stage so much harder. You're dealing with the fall-out alone and know that there's no going back. In my darkest moments the very person I wanted to talk to was him but I knew there was nothing left to say. But it did pass and my thoughts and feelings are now much more on a par, I'm not ruled by sadness and wanting and I know it was the right thing to do, like you do.
I promise this will get better. Keep posting for help here.
Mags I'm glad you've had some benefit from the thread.
We would sometimes see each other all weekend, other times it could be 3 or 4 weeks before we saw each other again. It was like famine or feast for actually spending time together but we used to speak on the phone or Skype at least once a day and we'd email and text during the day and evening too. As you say, with contact like that it's very much like losing a lifeline.
I've managed to stick with no contact, ie not to call, text, email or send smoke signals.I feel like I need to talk to him so much, to see how he is, and I've got so much I still want to say to him. I've drafted some hand written letters and that has helped.
There's a part of me that's saying "if he was bothered by this, he'd have been in touch". That's a very unhelpful thought !
If he hadn't specifically asked for no contact, and I hadn't started this thread, I'd have definitely contacted him by now. 
How are you doing today?
Today has been quite difficult as the boys have been with their dad. Saying that though I have only blubbed once! We would normally have hung out - gone to the cinema, had a pint etc. I sooo miss the casual chatting and cuddles.
But it was starting to eat me up how we werent moving on with the relationship - I didnt want him to move in incase it didnt work, and I was feeling more and more responsible for everything. If the posts on here hadnt said how unfair it would be to contact then I would have too, so youre not alone. What makes me upset is thinking that I was the one to end it but actually its what he wanted and therefore is trying to avoid me so I dont ask him back. Poor bloke cant win - I wonder if blokes do this type of self-indulgent, over obsessive thinking??
Can you go into the reasons why you made the decision? I just think men process and handle their emotions in a different way. Doesnt mean he doesnt care or think about getting in touch. Just that like a previous poster said, it just starts the painful process again. I have no doubt you will get the chance to speak in the future.
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