Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I need a rant. So pissed off

(72 Posts)
parisfernandez Thu 28-Mar-13 10:19:22

Hi i need to vent, so I'm using this. Friends are useless and family live miles away.

My useless cocklodger bf has been out of work for the past 3 months. Every day he sits on the play station, eating all the food I've put in the cupboards and fridge and he doesn't lift a finger. He leaves all his dirty plates lying around (im in the living room just now and i can see 4) and as soon as he feels like it hes off to the pub. With my money.

I'm 6 months pregnant, work 45 hours a week and we have a 4 year old. He refuses to look after the little one whilst I work forcing me to use family members when I can and a very expensive nursery most of the time. To be honest, I don't really trust him to look after her anyway because he is too selfish. I'm on supermarket wages so im not left with a lot. I pay all the rent, council tax and bills and he contributes nothing at all. Never has done. This morning he has an appointment with the job centre. I got up really early to start the housework before work (12pm start) and he kicked off saying I was making too much noise. I decided to have a bath (showers broken he won't fix it) and again he kicked off because I was using the hot water and he needed it (I pay for it). I gave up and had a wash (I'll shower at work later) and left him to it. He got out the bath and kicked off because he couldn't find a pair of jeans that he had given to me 3 weeks ago (it was 3 days ago) to wash. I can't find them and they must be in a pile of washing somewhere. This resulted in me being told how awful I am and how lazy I am. Every other woman manages to have all the washing, ironing and drying done and I can't keep on top or it. I tried explaining that I'm 6 months pregnant, tired and exhausted from working 6 days a week and trying to look after a 4 year old too. He just doesn't understand. He doesn't do any housework at all and never helps with the washing. He doesn't even know how to use the washing machine and when I offer to show him he says no that's woman's work.

I got some money today (im entitled to a small amount of tax credit) and hes now just went off on one saying he's due his friend £400 and he needs all the money out the bank. I've said no and now he's threatening to kill himself unless I give it to him.

Over the past few weeks I've given him nearly £2000 and never even got help in return. He just expects it.

I've managed to get a lease that's just in my name so I've got the rights to the house.

I'm working all the hours I can to please him. I've had enough.

How do you kick someone out if they refuse to leave?

So bloody angry

Sorry it's so long

I'm 25, he's 37.

Squitten Thu 28-Mar-13 10:21:05

If it's your house on all the paperwork, etc, you phone the police and have him removed.

Simple as.

Squitten Thu 28-Mar-13 10:21:59

And I sincerely hope you do. He sounds utterly vile

NatashaBee Thu 28-Mar-13 10:22:40

What Squitten said.

Hassled Thu 28-Mar-13 10:23:49

What Squitten said. Bloody hell - he sounds awful. Call the non-emergency police number and see what they say.

Cakethrow Thu 28-Mar-13 10:24:50

You have the lease in just your name? Get some legal advice, I'm sure you must be able to have him removed.

Good luck, I know how tough being pregnant with DC and a useless arse of a 'D'P is. Things will get so much better when he's gone.

And don't give him a penny or do a single other thing for him. He should be worshipping at your feet.
As said above, he sounds vile.

Hopasholic Thu 28-Mar-13 10:28:37

You will be financially and emotionally better off without him.
Does he bring anything to this relationship?
The suicide treats are ridiculous! He can't withhold/ threaten you with anything else as he doesn't actually do or contribute anything so he has to go straight for the suicide option.
Get rid and start living your life.

NinaHeart Thu 28-Mar-13 10:29:46

He does sound like a total waste opf space - and he's going for emotional blackmail.
Please OP, send him packing right now. Your life will be a whole lot better for not having this drain on all your resources leeching off you.

SanctuaryMoon Thu 28-Mar-13 10:35:53

I'm sorry you are in this position, definitely get rid of him. Have you told him you want him gone?

LessMissAbs Thu 28-Mar-13 10:38:43

Cocklodger of the Year award to him I think!

Get rid of him asap, tell him hes getting thrown out, and if he refuses to go, phone the police and they will throw him out for you. Be assertive.

If you are single, you are giving yourself the chance to meet a nice man.

You're 12 years younger than him too!

dopeysheep Thu 28-Mar-13 10:39:11

I don't know how to make someone leave but yes probably police.
Has he got keys?
Good luck.getting rid of this shitbag. Maybe sell his playstation etc try and get back some of your hard earned cash.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 28-Mar-13 10:40:20

Is he likely to get violent or aggressive? I think you'd have to approach it slightly differently if you are afraid he'll threaten to hurt you rather than himself.

dopeysheep Thu 28-Mar-13 10:40:52

If he threatens suicide tell him he's already a deadweight anyway. And then call the police.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Thu 28-Mar-13 10:50:06

The house is just in your name. It's very simple. As others have said. You get the police to remove him.

He is not on the tenancy - there's info here

pinkje Thu 28-Mar-13 10:50:11

Sounds like he has depression but I guess he won't go to the doctors will he?

You need a well thought out plan - can you confide in any of his or your family members - he is your children's father so you can't exactly get rid of him can you.

Hope you get some support, you'll be in a harder place emotionally when the baby arrives.

Good luck.

dopeysheep Thu 28-Mar-13 10:53:56

She can get him out of her house. It sounds like a case of being a selfish prick rather than depression. He can get off his arse to go to the pub but not help with his own kids? Wanker.

dopeysheep Thu 28-Mar-13 10:56:32

And he can't clean up but he can make a mess. And shout at her for not being his slave.
If anyone should be depressed it's the OP but luckily she sounds angry, which is more useful.

Mumsyblouse Thu 28-Mar-13 10:58:48

Depression? I don't think he's depressed he's a nasty piece of work if he's shouting at you over his washing when you are 6 months pregnant, working and won't even do childcare.

You absolutely have to get rid, this is ridiculous. You can have him removed, but it might be easier to wait til he's out, pack his bags, put them outside and call the police if he kicks off when he returns.

parisfernandez Thu 28-Mar-13 10:58:55

Thanks everyone. Hes away to his appointment now so I've got half an hour to myself before work. He just makes me feel useless and im not. I'm doing my best but i just need support and help with stuff round the house because I'm exhausted all the time.

Hes not violent at all, in fact he sometimes pushes me so much that I hit out but I've got it under control.

My best isn't good enough for him he cheats, lies and takes all my money as well as my self esteem. My family hate him with a passion and my dad is first in the queue to remove him from the house. Hes 6'4 and a big guy who would have no issues shifting my partner out but I wanted him to go and keep things amicable.

Generally the relationship is not too bad we get on well when he's in a good mood but it's so bad sometimes I don't know why I bother. I've taken all the money out the bank and put it in my savings but that will be there for a couple of days before he starts shouting about needing it again

I give up.

parisfernandez Thu 28-Mar-13 11:03:19

Also, I've struggled with depression for years as a result of bullying throughout my school years. I've always been made to feel inferior and that i should be grateful I've even got friends etc. I'm a bit more confident now but i have no self esteem at all and this is why I've stayed in a shitty relationship so long. Hes made me feel that I should be lucky to have anyone at all and thats not the case. Yeah I'm a bit overweight and im ugly but im a nice person and my problem is I care too much. I'd give someone my last pound to help them out but I get nothing in return. I just need to get the confidence to do this alone.

dopeysheep Thu 28-Mar-13 11:04:30

Please please get rid. Don't give him any more money. He's 37 ffs he shouldn't be living off you!
You are worth so much more than this abusive turd and as soon as he's gone you will feel better. Get your dad to help, he can support you and see your partner for the sponging arse that he is.
Good luck.

Machli Thu 28-Mar-13 11:04:47

He hasn't got depression, he's a selfish cock lodging pig of a Man. I had one very similar. He always worked though, just kept it all for himself.

OP you are way ahead of where I was in that he's not on the tenancy. Get him the f*ck out! Put his stuff in the garden and call the police if when he kicks off. He won't kick off for long, he's whine and scream and stamp his feet for a couple of days and then he will find someone else to pick up the tab. You have got to be made of steel though. Do not give an inch. He's such a lazy twat he will give up sooner rather than later I am sure. The initial tantrum will probably be epic though soake sure you're protected.

What do your family think of him? Could any of them come and help you stand your ground?

MoodyDidIt Thu 28-Mar-13 11:05:43

jeez shock

get this twat out of your life and house

what is WRONG with some men??

your P sounds like one of my friend's P's. get rid.

dopeysheep Thu 28-Mar-13 11:06:11

You aren't ugly either but it suits your partner to make you feel this way because then you won't have the confidence to move on.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now