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Can HR offer any support regarding affair

(35 Posts)
missblossomhill Thu 28-Mar-13 09:44:30

Hi
Hope someone can help me or offer advice
My STBXH had an affair with a woman in his work. It started when I was pregnant and I discovered it when my baby was six weeks old, I confronted him and he left me. They are still together
This was all six months ago and my maternity leave is about to end. But myself my husband and this woman all work in the same company !
I am absolutely dreading returning to work and seeing her or them both together
People have advised me to speak to HR but I'm not sure what they could do either practically or support wise

Does anyone have any ideas on how to handle this

I just don't know what to do

AuntieVenom Thu 28-Mar-13 21:17:42

Well done!!

I hope the meeting goes well and the two moral-less individuals get the comeuppance of their lives.

ATouchOfStuffing Thu 28-Mar-13 21:22:13

Glad you have spoken to them OP. I had a friend at work who cheated with my then fiance. I spoke to HR and they offered to move me to a different department, which was good but tbh I felt I didn't want to see her at all and have people talking. I hope it works out well for you. Worth thinking if you have any preferences of new roles/vacancies in the firm that would be better placed for you away from either of them?

SquidgyMummy Fri 29-Mar-13 13:38:38

Sorry to be harsh about HR departments. I used to work in Investment banking in the late 90's and other colleagues as well as myself have been on the receiving end of their attitude that staff were just there to make money, and if not dispensable.

OP, your STBXH sounds like a nasty piece of work, but if he is more senior to you or makes more money for the company, then watch your back.

The most political solution for this would be to try and get her promoted out of the situation, as unpalatable as this may seem. Happens so much in organisations, as my DP says "sh1t floats to the top".

That way your STBXH and OW cannot complain, OW is out of your hair and you get to protect the job situation you have worked hard for.

I know I sound paranoid, but I have seen people getting screwed over far too much for complaining telling the truth and i just want you to be very careful in your meeting. Is there someone you can take along with you to the meeting? Friend, trusted colleague?

flowery Fri 29-Mar-13 15:13:18

"I used to work in Investment banking in the late 90's and other colleagues as well as myself have been on the receiving end of their attitude that staff were just there to make money, and if not dispensable."

Seriously? You think HR were in charge of which staff were dispensable? Nope. That would be managers/directors. HR would have been asked to deal with getting rid of people not deciding who to get rid of!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Fri 29-Mar-13 15:42:10

flowery... what squidgy says is more common than you might think. HR can be very pragmatic indeed, particularly at the direction of their paymasters, just like anybody else. I've worked in private, public and civil sectors and have seen it. In my experience, public sector is the worst - employees who should be sacked for very clear reasons, are not. In my current role in the private sector, I have had cause to complain about a public sector client who will be 'untouchable' because of his position, HR or no HR. In agreement with my company's legal team, we're putting that one away for a 'rainy day'.

So please don't arbitrarily say "it doesn't happen"; it clearly does.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Fri 29-Mar-13 16:04:51

Good result, OP... that must be a load off your mind. Hope the meeting goes well.

nenevomito Fri 29-Mar-13 16:21:21

I'm glad that your managers were sympathetic and will support you with HR. that's a big positive for you.

flowery Fri 29-Mar-13 18:16:59

"HR can be very pragmatic indeed, particularly at the direction of their paymasters, just like anybody else."

Er yes that's exactly my point. It's not HR who decide someone is a troublemaker and must be got rid of. It's management.

MsWinnieBaygo Sat 30-Mar-13 01:24:35

Not the point of the thread but I agree with flowery - management make the decisions - HR are there to ensure consistency and that the correct procedures and statutory legislation is followed in accordance with the management decisions

Loulybelle Wed 24-Apr-13 19:01:55

Any success OP?

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