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TOTGA (or, choco gets a life!)

(219 Posts)
chocoreturns Wed 27-Mar-13 19:49:26

well, it would be rude not to, wouldn't it?

This will be the least interesting thread opener in the history of mumsnet to anyone who hasn't seen my earlier threads, for which I apologise. I've managed to fall off the end of another one though, so here I am. For the tiny minority of you who actually care and know what TOTGA is, I promise that if and when there is anything to report, it will be posted here first.

In the meantime, anyone want to start a general stitch and bitch to while away the time?

AgathaF Wed 27-Mar-13 20:03:30

Lovely, a sparkly new thread. Hopefully it will see you have lots of fun (of all kinds) with some nice guys.

jinxdragon Wed 27-Mar-13 20:10:10

Hi choco, haven't commented on your threads before but have lurked (hope you don't mind!) as some of the things you have been through with your ex are similar to my experiences. I'm now living happily with another man (a wonderful one) and we have our own baby. I just wanted to say you are absolutely incredible, I wish I'd had the courage to deal with my ex and his family the way you have done. If I had, I might not be in the situation I am now, asking how high when they tell me to jump basically.
Anyway, you're brilliant and I want to wish you all the best xxx

BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Wed 27-Mar-13 20:18:17

Another former lurker popping out to say hi.

I hope TOTGA doesn't GA this time grin

Lueji Wed 27-Mar-13 20:21:57

Ooooohhhh. Exciting!

Fingers crossed for you. grin

chocoreturns Wed 27-Mar-13 20:24:35

<waves at jinx> nice to meet you! Sorry to hear you have been through the mill too, but hurrah at a happy ending smile

beingawife me too!!

I'm managed to scarf a whole easter egg while watching a horse give birth on the telly... and now I rather wish I hadn't. Eww.

chocoreturns Fri 29-Mar-13 09:20:43

ok, so... TOTGA has been in touch quite a lot. Offering to be a knight in shining armour to save me from bad dates. The last message (thismorning at 7.30am) was 'You are adorable, and a completely amazing person. I know we don't see each other often but I hope you know how much I value your friendship and wisdom, xxx'. Killer. NO idea if there's anything more than a close friendship in the offing there at all. He's impossible to read unless he's stood in front of me. Same old same old. Going to have to just get together and go with my gut instinct in the flesh...

And there's the fact that the mere thought of it working out with TOTGA means that I'm basically off the dating trip for now. When it comes down to it, it's a waste of time. I mean, I met up with the other guy last night. He made a 3 course meal, gave me a hotel chocolat easter egg... had champagne on ice. We had brilliant conversation and a definite connection. BUT he wasn't TOTGA and that basically sums up where I'm at.

I need to a) stop obsessing and b) stop dating, and just get on with life until suchtime as an opportunity to jump TOTGA's bones have a bit of a chat comes up.

BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Fri 29-Mar-13 10:24:35

It's easter, the time of chocolate and new beginnings GO FOR IT!!

BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Fri 29-Mar-13 10:26:53

And you are obviously the first thing on hhis mind when he wakes up, 7.30 am texts, that's lurve grin

Midwife99 Fri 29-Mar-13 11:14:31

Marking my place like a dirty tomcat as always!! grin

chezziejo Fri 29-Mar-13 11:48:41

Ooh marking place. Loving the sound oa a stitch and bitch session. TOTGA sounds like he could be The one grin I so so hope it works out well for you. The only interesting news is that my little DD who is 4 months old has slept through three nights running. Such an exciting life I lead. How's your sleep Choco? Hope the business is going well too xx I often think of you and wonder if your ok and LaLa too but she seems to have fallen off the earth. Soft bugger that I am worrying about people.

BerylStreep Fri 29-Mar-13 12:40:23

Sounds promising. Perhaps you should text back 'yada yada, when are you going to jump me?'

grin

bamboozled Fri 29-Mar-13 17:37:42

Ooh, marking my place too..
You definitely need to jump TOTGA's bones, to get it over with if nothing more - would be rude not too!

chocoreturns Fri 29-Mar-13 19:15:35

I replied along the lines of I feel the same way, if you need anything holler... and got 'you are thoroughly gorgeous...x' in reply.

This could go on for eons haha, or it could get boring very quickly. It's rather amusingly teenage. I am banking on seeing him Sunday so that I can get as close as damnit to jumping him :D Although I still have the fear that he's going to turn around and say WHOA we're just friends what the hell is WRONG with you?? Still. Won't know until I get all Nike on his ass and just do it.

chocoreturns Fri 29-Mar-13 19:18:47

on an entirely other note, my DS1 (2.7yo) does not want to talk to his daddy on the phone now, ever. I have been trying to encourage him, but he is adamant. If I ask him do you want to call Daddy, he just says 'nope'. I said don't you miss Daddy? today, without really thinking about it (just trying to get him to agree to the call, as STBXH has tried to call him a couple of times) and he just gave me a funny look and said, 'err, no?'. Sad sad but as my mum pointed out, this is the consequence of the choice his dad made. And he's not going to appreciate that for a while longer yet.

Did I mention I finally filed for divorce on Tuesday?

bamboozled Fri 29-Mar-13 20:27:30

Woohoo - it's all go in your camp!! Well done you!

Most unlike me but when I was where you are at - some lovely friends gave me a book of '101 poems to save your life' -
Herewith
'The End of Love' by Sophie Hannah
The end of love should be a big event.
It should involve the hiring of a hall.
Why the hell not? It happens to us all.
Why should it pass without acknowledgement?

Suits should be dry cleaned, invitations sent.
Whatever form it takes - a tiff, a brawl -
The end of love should be a big event.
It should involve the hiring of a hall.

Better than the unquestioning descent
Into the trap of the silence, than the crawl
From visible to hidden, door to wall.

Get the announcement made, the money spent.
The end of love should be a big event.
It should involve the hiring of a hall.

I thought it was the right attitude - time to start planning a party?! X

skyebluesapphire Sat 30-Mar-13 00:18:11

well done on filing for divorce.

I thing regarding TOTGA you do need to do something sooner rather than later. you could spend ages thinking that there is more to it than there actually is. or he could be definitely interested and if he is then why waste time grin. Having been in that situation several years ago.... I had a good friend. He flirted every time we met, really led me on. In the end I asked him if he was interested and he said no because I was too old for him (he is about 6 years younger...) so while all the flirting was fun, I ended up feeling like a fool sad so I say go for it if you think there is something there and then you won't get message around for too long.

Regarding phone calls - if XH rings when DD has got something better to do, she doesn't want to speak to him. Last night at my parents, I said, Daddy is on the phone, she looked at it and then whispered to me, I don't want to speak, I want to go and play dominoes with Uncle X. When he does ring, I have to pause the TV and make sure that she isn't eating or drinking, as if something else has her attention, then he doesn't get her full attention!. The other night I had to wrestle a carton of Ribena away from her as it was more important than talking to XH grin.

Your DS is just a toddler and at that age where its out of sight, out of mind. I think that DD is the same, because she only sees XH every 14 days, she doesnt seem to think about him in between any more. My mum said that it is going to happen, the less she sees him the less she will think about him. Sadly this is also true of your STBXH and DS.

Good luck with the divorce. I hope that STBXH doesnt mess you around with stuff

chocoreturns Sat 30-Mar-13 21:06:57

thanks guys, bamboozled I love the poem, thank you! And hi skye smile I know what you mean about knowing either way, I definitely need to ask as soon as possible (and practical). I'm glad your DD is the same as DS1, I've been feeling pretty bad about it and like I should encourage him more... but it's not exactly practical to do that with a 2yo is it?

I'm really glad I've filed now. I will definitely hire a hall when it comes through, taking inspiration from that poem!!

Speaking of hired halls... TOTGA is best man at a wedding today and just text me to ask how my day has been, and tell me his speech went ok. Shall I be a little bit pleased he's thinking of me at a wedding? haha.

BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Sat 30-Mar-13 21:29:43

Can you not reply with some cheesy comment about him really being the 'best man' grin

Midwife99 Sun 31-Mar-13 09:31:40

Yes good one!!

chezziejo Sun 31-Mar-13 10:44:37

Morning Choco. Did you manage to get a meet up with TOTGA? If so hope it goes well xx

BerylStreep Sun 31-Mar-13 11:48:06

He sounds like he is really into you. He wanted you to know that his speech went well - he cares about your opinion.

Excellent that you have filed for divorce - that's really taking a step forward. How long does it take for a divorce? What grounds did you cite?

We have a lovely sunny Easter Sunday here (although the wind would cut you in two). Off for a walk to clear some cobwebs. Hope everyone else has a lovely Easter.

AThingInYourLife Sun 31-Mar-13 12:36:54

2.7 year olds are bloody awkward and IME just find the phone a bit mystifying.

Your encouragement is (if your kids are as bloody minded as mine, anyway grin) just going to strengthen his resolve not to comply.

The best thing you can do for everyone is just take the pressure off the phone thing for a bit.

Also, I don't think it's really fair to ask a toddler if they "miss" someone. It's too complicated a concept, but the question seems to be giving them pretty big hints about how they are supposed to feel.

It's not your job to make a 2 year old do something he doesn't want to.

PS I'm not sure TO really GA.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sun 31-Mar-13 12:56:05

Happy Easter choco. Just caught up here. Best wishes for your divorce.

Going to have to just get together and go with my gut instinct in the flesh well a bit of corset loosening as the sap rises is a lovely way to celebrate Spring I always say. Are you seeing TOTGA today...?

chocoreturns Mon 01-Apr-13 11:22:16

hello all smile so...I didn't see TOTGA last night. BUT I did go out with the girls for a much needed night out, and while I was out, we got texting. The upshot is that I am now more than sure it's not one sided, and he's taking me out for dinner on weds eve! I am incredibly nervous about it, but I guess that goes with the territory.

Divorce should take 4-6 months. I cited adultery, pure and simple (and didn't name her in the end. Just can't be bothered to argue about it). Can't wait for it to be done now, because then I get to throw a bloody big party!

I hear what you're saying about the phone calls, but it's a hard one. I don't routinely ask him if he misses daddy - it just popped out that one time and I realised straight away it was an unhelpful thing to say... ah well, can't worry about it too much smile

May I have a little <squeeeeee!!> about weds?? I think you may be right AThing that he never really GA... the only question is how the bloody hell am I going to handle it now? <silly goofy smile> I suspect it's going to be fun working that out.

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