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Its happened again. What the hell am I supposed to do about this?

(56 Posts)
Rejected Tue 26-Mar-13 16:40:42

I started a thread 3 months ago -here

Things have been better since, he seemed to care more about my needs until last night.

He's been sleeping on the couch recently because of various excuses (crying baby, bad back) Last night I popped upstairs to put DD to bed, but ended up coming back downstairs with DD as she wasn't sleeping. He was looking shifty and started shouting at me and arguing that I should stay upstairs to get her to sleep. I told him it might take a while and I would like to watch tv whilst I fed her. He grabbed the remote and stood in front of the tv. When he switched it on I could see it was on an adult channel with the volume really low even though he was quick to change the channel. He didn't know I could see.

I cant believe he would do that while I was awake and walking about upstairs. He knows how much it upset me last time. He knows I would happily have sex!

I told him in the morning that I knew and he just walked out without saying anything. Later at work he rang me and pretended I never said anything and when I brought it up he said 'I think your over reacting, what do you want me to say? I know I'm in the wrong.'

I feel like shit about myself, my confidence is at an all time low. Its so disrespectful that he would choose that over having sex with me and I'm so angry that he shouted at me for interrupting his fucking wank session. What do you think I should do or say?

EggyFucker Wed 27-Mar-13 11:55:28

he has a whole life, as well as a sex life, completely separate to you

this isn't a relationship, it's a house share

Lemonylemon Wed 27-Mar-13 11:59:00

OP: I have no friends or support either. I have a Mum, yes, but she's drunk herself into terminal cirrhosis of the liver because everything was "all about her". I'm a widowed, single mum. I have to cope, I just have to. There are things that you can do to help yourself deal with everything. Surestart for centres you can go to with the kids, get babysitting help etc. Childcare.co.uk for childminders/babysitters etc. Your local council for a list of childminders in your area. The Ofsted website for nurseries/after school clubs etc.

You may have had mental health issues before your DD was born, but this situation is not going to help that. You're going to end up so completely and utterly worn out/worn down, that you won't know whether you're coming or going and that's no good for you or your DD. If you search the poster olgaga, she's posted on loads of threads about services/resources that you would be able to access.

You said "There is a small part that wants to stay because sometimes its not this bad, although its never great."

I say, "yeah, but it's still shite, isn't it?" {HUG}

Rejected Wed 27-Mar-13 12:00:55

Yes! I've told him that before! It is exactly like a house share.

Rejected Wed 27-Mar-13 12:05:53

Thanks Lemonylemon I cant imagine how tough you are to go through all that on your own. Im just not at all tough, I'm a weak and lonely person (its why I ended up with dp in the first place)
I will look up those posts.

Lemonylemon Wed 27-Mar-13 12:14:01

OP: Woah, hang on a tick. I am not tough. Really I AM NOT. I have just had to get through it, that's all. I am lonely. I'm not allowed to date again because DS has banned me because his Dad died, then his step-Dad died and he just can't go through all that again. But I also choose to stay single because I have had boundary issues in relationships previous to my last OH. But that's by the by.

You are not weak, you've been through a rough time and you're still going through a rough time. The info I gave you in my last post was to arm you with some ammo and to try to help you out a bit in your efforts to collect your thoughts and cast an eye over your options.

MadAboutHotChoc Wed 27-Mar-13 13:17:19

Here is the link for Olgaga's blog:

surviveseparation.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/separation-and-divorce-advice-and-links.html

You can do it - you will probably find that without him around sucking the life out of you, you start to feel better.

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