Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.

My husband that he is too embarassed to go out outside the house with our daughter

(115 Posts)
gloucestergirl Mon 25-Mar-13 19:41:30

Basically that. I'd love lovely family days out, but our DD cries sometimes. She is only 1 and gets hungry and generally acts likes a baby. Husband gets embarassed by her crying and hates going out in public with her. He won't do baby things like going to the library or the local baby musuem as it is too boring. I am so disappointed in him as a father and feel so sad.

izzyizin Mon 25-Mar-13 20:48:45

No doubt about it, neo. He's automatically a wanker because he's a man <yawn>

Enough already with the apologia.

He needs to take his dd to the baby musuem and run around with all the other little tots who'll be having a whale of a time. Who knows, he might even get to enjoy it become a hands on father hmm

^ In e/af 's defense she does give some very good advice & has done on one of my threads before I namechanged ages ago.

This is a very sensitive subject and some people are much more forgiving than others.

It doesn't help that OP's yet to say how good he is the rest of the time, so everyone's jumping to different conclusions.

EggyFucker Mon 25-Mar-13 20:49:59

I don't think it's helpful to let blokes who act in such an immature manner off the hook, no

Nor to support and encourage other women in doing so

So shoot me smile

Nagoo Mon 25-Mar-13 20:50:02

That's really really sad sad

I would feel really sad and disappointed and cross work on getting him to be more confident with her. Can he take her for a short walk in the buggy (send him on an errand) when she's quite cheerful? Can you leave him alone with her in the house so he gets used to soothing her?

He might just be a person that can't connect with babies. Very very soon she'll get a lot more of a 'person' and he might bond with her a lot more.

If you replace embarassed with 'anxious' then it's a bit easier to be sympathetic.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 25-Mar-13 20:51:33

izzy I am NOT an apologist but we know feck all about this man other than he is "embarrassed" and as I said...my own SISTER had this too. She's not a shit parent.

discrete Mon 25-Mar-13 20:53:19

Wow. I thought you were going to say that she was in her teens, dressed like a slapper and people gave him dirty looks when he went out with her thinking that he had hooked up with a kid, in which case I could understand him, but she's 1?! Gobsmacked.

CognitiveOverload Mon 25-Mar-13 20:55:06

Sure it needs to be addressed. But nothing is a black and white as it appears.

pollyblue Mon 25-Mar-13 20:57:32

I was sometimes embarrassed by my dds crying/screaming in public when they were babies. I'm a bit awkward socially and was bought up very strictly to mind my Ps and Qs, not draw attention to myself etc. And being with a screaming baby does tend to make people look at you grin BUT as their main carer i just had to get on with it, and the more i was in that situation, the better i got at coping with it.

FWIW, one of my main fears was that other people would be sneery or make unkind comments if the dcs were making a racket - that never happened - if anything i found people were sympathetic and friendly, if they noticed at all. OP, tell your DH that most people are busy getting on with their own lives, and most probably won't pay him and your DD any mind at all.

pollyblue Mon 25-Mar-13 20:59:41

Eggy would you say i was immature and lazy too?

I wasn't, just a slightly apprehensive new parent.

neontetra Mon 25-Mar-13 21:00:49

For the first couple of months my dh was like this. He is not a wanker, he would be the first to admit he found adjusting to fatherhood a bit hard, and felt a bit self conscious. But he is a brilliant father, totally bonded to dd, and they have a brilliant relationship now. A year does sound a long time to adjust though - could he be depressed? Is he finding it hard to bond generally?

I think the laziness-issue is because he hasn't tried to get over it yet and is refusing to take her anywhere

izzyizin Mon 25-Mar-13 21:07:59

You're an institution, Eggy - a veritable national treasure on this board, and there'd be no shortage of volunteers queuing up to take a bullet for you grin

BOEUF Mon 25-Mar-13 21:10:50

It hasn't just been 'embarrassed' though, has it? We've also been told he's bored going places, and it sounds like he's got into a strop when this has been pointed out.

notquitenormal Mon 25-Mar-13 21:12:10

I was like this when DS was little; probably up until he was about 8 months old. I was very self concious in public and terrified of him making any kind of noise or doing something which meant I'd have to get all the baby-gubbins out in the middle of a shop or something.

I don't really know why, except perhaps that I'm naturally a quiet and restrained person and I was very, very fragile at the time.

I got over it by the simple technique of getting on with things to because I had to and it was tough titty how I felt about it. I would suggest the same for your DH.

bishboschone Mon 25-Mar-13 21:14:13

Omg .. Good job he doesn't have my ds. I carried him lengthways through boots the other day screaming . I got so many looks but just carried on walking . My mum needed to buy essentials for my disabled dad so he had to just get on with it. He does it a lot so I just have to get on with it. I'm not staying indoors just because he cries alot. Tell your dh to man up!!

AnOeufUniversallyEggnowledged Mon 25-Mar-13 21:14:36

What sorts of places are you going to where he's embarrassed? Have you tried more 'family friendly' places? Cafes with lots of families? Countryside centre? Park farm? Soft play? If he won't go to any of those then what does he intend to do for the next 15 years or so?!

pollyblue Mon 25-Mar-13 21:17:52

bish I did that with a dd in sainsburys last week - carried her out, screaming her lungs up, under my arm like a plank of wood. Doesn't bother me at all now. But i can remember when it did. The only way to get over it is to get on with it, yep.

BOEUF Mon 25-Mar-13 21:19:50

Susan Wright/Elaine Jones are both names of Pauline Quirke? Or am I wrong?

BOEUF Mon 25-Mar-13 21:20:20

Whoops, wrong thread, sorry.

CognitiveOverload Mon 25-Mar-13 21:21:06

It gets very tiresome seeing these staunch feminist posts that don't explicitly make clear their perspective and assumptions.

EggyFucker Mon 25-Mar-13 21:24:42

He isn't a "slightly apprehensive new parent"...the child is a year old

he has said he is "embarassed" and "bored" by his own child, thus limiting the child's socialisation unless OP does it all by herself (which is of course fine if she was a single parent..)

Op feels she cannot bring this up with him in a straightforward manner as she has already tried and "it seems it isn't going to work"

How long would you ultra-understanding ladies put up with a man who opts out of parenthood ? How long would you be "sad and disappointed" but not able to do anything about it, because he point blank refuses to opt in ?

another year ?

2, 3...

Izzy, strap on the body armour, it could be a bumpy ride. I would smile at that, but I feel too sad for OP. This should be a lovely family time, they grow up so quickly. And this selfish man is spoiling it.

exoticfruits Mon 25-Mar-13 21:25:57

I think he needs to get more used to being with her. Go off out yourself, shopping or something and just leave him to cope for a few hours. Does he ever get time alone?

EggyFucker Mon 25-Mar-13 21:26:23

CO, I think I make myself perfectly clear. Which is apparently my downfall in some quarters. What a strange and contradictory post you just made.

raisah Mon 25-Mar-13 21:28:42

Tell him that you are embarrassed by his incompetence as à father & that you dont see the point of his existence!

izzyizin Mon 25-Mar-13 21:29:50

Kevlars donned, sir! Eggy.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now