Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

:-(

(183 Posts)
Nevertruetomyself Mon 25-Mar-13 11:39:30

I know that I am going to get flamed here. The only reason I am posting is because I know that something needs to change and I dont know where to start.

I am a regular poster and have changed my name for obvious reasons.

I am divorced. I have 2 teenage children and I have been having an affair with a married man for 2 years.

I am in love with him, he says he is in love with me but I am not stupid, I know that he will never leave his family.

He has many reasons for having an affair which I wont go into, but his wife is a nice person and she does not deserve this. He is never unkind about her, when he talks of her he tells me what a good mother she is and a kind person.

I dont know how to stop. I know that the easy answer is to just 'stop' but I cant, I have tried many, many times but I cant.

Sorry to be blunt, but I need to be honest here. The main reason that I cant stop is because the sex is out of this world. I have never experienced anything like it with anyone else and cant imagine that I will ever again. He makes me feel amazing, I have a very high sex drive and so does he.

It has to end I know it does, but how?

(I know I am a bad person, etc. etc., but telling me that will not help me out of this situation)

comingintomyown Tue 26-Mar-13 17:42:57

As he will never leave his family I assume then the relationship is only based on sex for him?

Doesnt that upset you that he has no desire for a "proper" relationship but saves all that for his wife and you are merely a shag on the side , two whole years later ?

Nevertruetomyself Tue 26-Mar-13 18:02:10

No I think its great which is why I want to end it :-)

comingintomyown Tue 26-Mar-13 18:16:16

Not sure why I am bothering to reply to that snippy remark .

If you want to end it end it and maybe see it it for what it is rather than some great love story where neither of you can bear to stay apart

cupcake78 Tue 26-Mar-13 18:31:30

Oh op he's good! He's got you just where he wants you.

So he loves his wife and children but just somehow isn't fulfilled by them. He's never horrible about her. He's good in bed and makes you feel amazing!

Seriously open your eyes! You've been well and truly had. He's lied to his wife and children for 2 years and you don't think he's lying to you? Of course he is. He's telling you what you want to hear so you stick around for his convenience.

He's manipulative and he's using you for his own sick little game. He's taking the piss out of you and sadly you've been played like a fiddle!

Sorry op but for the past 2 years hes told you a load of rubbish to get you just where he wants you. Wasting your life waiting about for when he decides he fancies a shag!

Nobody is worth so little.

Wake up and smell the lies, deceit and manipulation!

You'll never stop until you see what's really going on. It's such a shame your life is stopped from being in a fulfilling honest relationship. If this man really loved you he would want you to be happy and have a future instead he's keeping you for his own purposes.

Nevertruetomyself Tue 26-Mar-13 18:44:41

Comingtomyhometown

I was being saracastic, not snippy.

And if you had read the thread you would not only see that I wanted to end it, so have ended it and on top of that have never once decalred it to be some 'great love story'

:-)

Nevertruetomyself Tue 26-Mar-13 18:56:05

Thanks again to all who have been supportive, but I am definitely going to leave the thread now.

Its not helpful at all when I am struggling with this to be continually told that I 'wont stop' and that I have 'been had' and my words twisted continually (and sometimes even words added where they never were! (great love story?)

Its a shame really as some of the nicer posts I found very comforting, whilst I cry 'like a teenager, over someone elses husband'

Thanks again.

olgaga Tue 26-Mar-13 21:16:17

Its near-impossible to make life-changing decisions to protect the emotions of a stranger

Except a lot of people on this thread have been trying to communicate to the OP that this is about her own self-respect and potential, and how she deserves better than this. As does the duped wife, and the children involved.

How many women are just in this for the sex? Does anyone seriously think a woman hangs around for two years in a part-time relationship just for the sex? No, she was hoping he'd leave his wife.

Nevertheless, I applaud OP and hope she maintains her resolve when he rings up for a quick shag because he simply can't bear life without her. Because he will, unless he has his someone else lined up.

Iwasafairybutlostmywings Mon 01-Apr-13 19:35:28

I read this post yest but didn't get round to replying
like someone else said this has pissed me off
i think if the counselling did not work then you need to try CBT to manage your behaviour and then maybe go back to the counselling after that.
You know you are in the wrong and I have noticed on this thread that you are not prepared to listen to anyone. go and see your GP about it they can refer you or give you a leaflet to refer yourself. Maybe you can phone them next time you think about contacting the man...?????

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now