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(304 Posts)
Worried73 Sun 24-Mar-13 12:40:16

Hi. I've been with my fiancée for 5 years and we're getting married in August. We have the odd argument but get on well generally and I love him very much and he appears to love me a lot too.

We stopped off at the shop today and I stayed in the car while he went in. I wanted to have a quick look at the Internet on his phone and opened up the browser to find the login page for Adultwork. I couldn't find out how to look at the Internet history before he came out.

When he came out I said 'look at what your Internet opened up to' and he said his apprentice had been mucking about with it on Friday as they had been working near a house and they thought the woman in there may have been a prostitute and he (the apprentice) was looking to see if she was on it.

I dropped him off where he was meant to be and now I don't know what to do.

I've had no reason to think he was up to anything, we have a healthy sex life, lots of love, lots of respect. He always leaves his phone lying about at home with me when he could take it with him so appears to be totally transparent. Feel upset but not sure there's anything in it.

What do I do?

Eboniegreen13 Wed 26-Mar-14 22:59:41

I know this is an old post but can I just say, I work on that site (not escorting) but I do phone chats for the extra cash and he probably has a fetish and pays ppl for sessions or rings them etc, a lot of men don't share with there wife's there fetishes I know this From my experience, I have sissy slaves ring me etc there wives don't know they like to be bosses around and wear women's underwear etc... and they are discreet because when I look at there profile they look like very normal men. so that could be it be prob has a fetish that he can get pleased on the site that you don't know about

Roxyfox Wed 24-Apr-13 04:21:07

A lot of punters have separate work phones, separate email addresses etc. I'd be suspicious of him saying that he wanted to see if she was an escort by searching that site, there are a lot of directories and escort sites, she will most likely have her face covered and alias so it'd be kind of pointless to look through adultwork. Also as far as I know adultwork isn't a common knowledge place unless you're looking for it. Do you know any of his online usernames? maybe he's lazy and uses it for adultwork or punting forums too.

You have two options I guess.

1) Snoop more, you could even go so far as to make a profile on there if it's a small local area and there's few other girls it's likely he may call you at some point especially if you price low, but there's obviously no guarantee he'll try and book anytime soon. Some guys only see escorts a few times a year.

2) Create a reassuring environment for a confession from him, tell him that you want him to be able to tell you anything and that as long as he's honest you're open to discussing and working through an infidelities that may have occurred (you don't have to mean it although personally I would).

Or you could do what I did and just have an open relationship if you can handle that kind of thing. Yes I escort myself, oh and keep an eye out for him calling people at weird times. How much money does he make? Escorts can be anything from 60-150 an hour (or more for London etc.) on adultwork so look out for those kinds of sums, most will be around an hundred.

34DD Sat 13-Apr-13 23:27:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

34DD Sat 13-Apr-13 23:19:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pinklucy Sat 13-Apr-13 21:48:28

Boombangalang you have got it spot on that is how it is. The thing is I also get checked and I pay tax and to be honest I'm no different to a woman going on a sex site for sex or down the nightclub and picking up a man and taking him home the only difference is I insist on a condom and I charge him. There is no emotional connection or affair to be had. And to be honest if the lady who is worried about her partner I totally believe it was just. Curiosity if he was up to something he would of deleted his history on his phone and would have never of left it unattended as most of my clients text me as I display my phone number on the site as do most of the girls

pinkyredrose Sat 13-Apr-13 18:33:55

boom you seem very realistic and you talk alot of sense.

boombangalang Sat 13-Apr-13 18:24:32

Far from it pinklucky I have a friend who is an escort - she is a single parent to 2 kids and this is how she pays her bills, her rent, her children's expenses and makes sure there is food on the table.
We have been friends since primary school, that is how she was able to tell me what she did without the risk of my mouthing off about it and destroying her life, which is a vile thing to do to a person regardless of your thoughts on their job.
Whatever my opinion on her job - I go on the person herself over what job she does.
She is on AW - Its not a nice site no, but she is a nice woman - I am sick and tired of people bashing women who escort.
She is registered as self employed and pays her fecking taxes. She is discrete and she is kind and she is thoughtful. And she is a terrific mother.
The men who use escorts - if they find them via AW or not are not all lowlife scum as is the most common perception of them - a lot are disabled or they lack in confidence or they have had a trauma in life leaving them impotent. There are some on there whose wives have not wanted to have sex for years and they need to scratch that itch so to speak rather than have a full blown affair - they do not want an emotional affair which will kill off their wives, their children and grand children. They love their families.

I researched this a lot when she first told me so that I could understand as I love her, she's my friend and I wanted to be able to understand.
You will be surprised to know that there is a huge support network for Independent Escorts which goes to great lengths to keep the ladies safe - and no I am not talking a pimp or a parlour. Its a network of escorts who mail each other, text each other, check up on each other - list up names and phone numbers of jack arses who are out to harm them.
You are more likely to have an escort living on or near your street than not and you'll not be able to point her out either. The lengths gone to by the escort to protect her safety and that of her children are vast. Most escorts working independently do so happily and its a life style choice they make. They get themselves checked for disease every 3 months - its safer than pulling some woman in a nightclub in that sense....

Whatever your opinions of it - Prostitution has always been here. It always will be here.
You outlaw the pimps.
You lock up the b@stards who import women for it.
The drug pushers who get young girls hooked on drugs then selling themselves to pay for it.
You leave those working out of choice alone.
You regulate it as a business - the tax man is happy enough to take taxes from the ladies after all - and then you have safety for the woman.
The law currently states a woman can work as a prostitute but anymore than 1 woman working in a house means its a brothel which means its illegal - there is safety for the women in numbers which makes the law an ass for it.
Any woman who wants prostitution banned is never going to see it happen.
A man who uses a prostitute is not always a c@nt.
Anybody that knowingly targets a woman working as a prostitute and wrecks her life for it is scum in my book - not that this thread has said that but they are in my book.

Pinklucy Sat 13-Apr-13 14:08:31

I am an escort who does use adultwork but as a single working mother my job just doesn't pay enough. And there are hundreds of us on this site we don't advertise or addresses and a lot of us will not show face pictures in fact most of you ladies probably work with girls from the site.
my colleagues at work would be. Horrified if they knew what I done
Most men only look on the sites out of curiosity especially when with other men and would never pluck up the courage to do so let alone be unfaithful to their partners.
My clients that do which are mostly married struggle to find the money as £100 per hour is hard to lose these days so ladies if in any doubt just keep an eye on the bank balance and cash withdrawals on the credit card as we only deal in cash
I am totally aware no one is going to like my post and I'm going to get awful responses from it but for me I actually enjoy my work and its the difference between my daughter having nice things and me not being in debt.

Blondie111 Sat 13-Apr-13 11:49:38

And Lady Apricot your saying most aren't looking for a prostitute I was sick of getting private messages after my show from men mostly married saying would I meet discreetly even though it was stated I wasn't an escort! Just be aware of what this site is all about Worried m, it's not a very nice site women do get treat like pieces of meat for men's use. I wish I was never told about it as it horrible to realise what a lot of men are really like, took me a long time to trust men again because everything was tainted due to seeing them on there but there are nice men out there and I really do hope your fiancé is one of those good guys smile x

Blondie111 Sat 13-Apr-13 11:39:47


I'm sorry but I'd be careful. I worked through them when i need to fund my uni course and my lifestyle I sold photos vids also chats/SMS and I'm sorry to say but that site is full if married men looking for bit of fun being the biggest reason I left it. If his phone is on contract you can log in and see how much time he's using the Internet or numbers he's calling/texting a lot. AW does talk card payments for credit points which use to pay for pics vids or chats. He could be using it for wank material because he knows its real women not porn stars and you can chat with them about there pics and vids. Next time he leaves his phone see if he has a Internet history if he has and it clear it sounds like a one of but if there no history be wary. Could been a fluke as u said he normally leaves his phone around and people who got something to hide wouldn't leave it lying. Just be aware of his behaviour but don't let it ruin your life x

YonirockandrollbutIlikeit Thu 11-Apr-13 21:14:59

I'm with badinage. It appears that some people search for that particular site and make sure they comment on every thread about it.

badinage Thu 11-Apr-13 20:51:28

OP please take no notice. Wanker misogynists are attracted to these threads like moths to a flame and over the past couple of days since some absolute tosspot started a whineyarse thread about 'men's rights' (including the right to pay for sex, which for now they've still got duh hmm), they've been infecting the site with their usual mix of illiteracy and bitterness. They often resurrect old threads or ones that have run their course because they search the site for anything to do with their favourite pastimes: wanking to porn and paying women who don't want to have sex with them. Pay them no heed and if you are so minded, ask for MNHQ to lock your thread so that their little mates are prevented from turning up.

eastlands Thu 11-Apr-13 19:28:49

I just think men are, by and large, shits.

OP your misandric attitude is far worse than your husband taking a brief look at a website that features ladies with loose morals. Perhaps you come from an uptight religious background or some sort of close knit cult in which case fair enough you have your own culture and values - but in general UK society your OHs behaviour is nothing out of the ordinary. It's a bit of juvenile fun - like the film 'American Pie', which was a smash hit at the box office because this sort of humour is commonplace.

I agree with the sentiments of flurp earlier in the thread, there are one or two self-important posters with a misandric agenda that are trying to lead you into their rather extreme viewpoint ultimately destroying your relationship if you take them at face value. If you are going to take advice from internet message boards, perhaps try posting somewhere more impartial.

FeistyLassie Thu 11-Apr-13 13:40:38

My dm was convinced her opposite neighbours were prostitutes. If she knew about adultworks and had a computer, she would have checked. And she would have been right. They were eventually raided by the police. I don't think she's a misogynist. I think she was a mix of nosey and concerned. For that reason, I think your dh's explanation was a plausible one. . .

Worried this has been a difficult thread to read. As mink said so eloquently the only way to completely protect yourself is not to be in a relationship. As soon as you're in a relationship you're opening yourself up to hurt as well as happiness.

A lot of posters have mentioned your 'instinct' about this situation. However, instincts aren't some guarantee of certainty. Your instincts are affected by context, and in your case your past may be impacting on your instincts. (read 'Blink' by Malcolm Gladwell for some brilliant examples and explanations of this).

I don't know what your soon-to-be-dh has or hasn't done. However, I do hope you can find some peace with your decision to stay. I do think counselling would be a good idea. It will help you to deal with the aftermath of your previous relationship and be confident in the decisions you make in this one.

carmenelectra Fri 05-Apr-13 16:07:49

LadyApricot, webcamming is not porn. It is NOT the same.
I am ok with porn and now and then watch it. I wouldn't be ok with my dp paying a real life woman on webcam. Its one step away from paying for sex.
Even if a man doesn't actually have the bottle to pay for a prostitute its not far off as being as bad imo.

LadyApricot Fri 05-Apr-13 11:28:19

Weird spelling mistakes there due to the wonderful thing that is auto correct.

LadyApricot Fri 05-Apr-13 11:27:03

Err I know what aw is as i AM a webcam girl on there and hardly any of them would actually meet a prostitute. So no they're not all plucking up the courage to meet one while talking online and hardly any of the webcam girls are escorts either. There's a big difference from sitting I your own home talking online and meeting up with men. Which is why I said yuk as its not so etching I'd ever do.
Whether its sick or wrong is up to the individuals view on porn in a relationship.
As the op said, he is not buying tokens to use he site so obviously he's just viewing the free stuff which I why I said here's nothing to worry about!

Worried73 Wed 03-Apr-13 17:11:56

Um, AF , who said I was reassured?? I merely said that he isn't buying anything on there (which I knew anyway). And I thanked LadyApricot for her sentiment. That's it!

AnyFucker Wed 03-Apr-13 15:34:27

a load of hypocritical crap, as well, ladyapricot

A'work is perfectly fine and harmless is it, but you give a reaction of "yuk" when it dawned someone might think you were actually one of those girls. ?

You would be happy for your husband to be a user of A'work, but you reckon 20% (20% is 1 in 5, in case your maths is rusty). That's a lot of blokes who escalate to meeting those "yuk" girls.

What a fucking horrible attitude. In fact, it reminds me of the OP's dimwitted husband and his story of the neanderthal apprentice, so I can see why you are reassured by her misogynistic witterings, worried

Deary me.

carmenelectra Wed 03-Apr-13 12:54:06

ladyApricot what a load of crap making out adultwork is nothing to be worried about! It is not a regular porn site where people view anonymous videos. Its a paid for site where men seek out prostitutes. Or at the very least pay for webcaMming with a real life woman while they are plucking up the courage to go to the next level of booking one.

All perfectly innocent if you don't consider paying a girl to perform on webcam or checking out the local escorts to be cheating.

Worried73 Wed 03-Apr-13 12:38:18

Thank you grin

LadyApricot Wed 03-Apr-13 08:59:08

I think everything will be ok smile

Worried73 Wed 03-Apr-13 08:34:55

Ah, I see, thank you. He can't be doing that as I've access to all his finances for his business.

LadyApricot Wed 03-Apr-13 08:25:50

I'm not an escort by the way! Yuk!
I wouldn't be worried at all if my dh had been on there!

LadyApricot Wed 03-Apr-13 08:23:02

It's usually to watch porn or talk to webcam girls. You have to pay though- check statements for 'aw' to see if he's been buying tokens for this.
I work for them sometimes but very rarely. I'd say 20% actually meet with escorts !

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