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Am I doing the right thing breaking up with him?

(52 Posts)
InNeedOfBrandy Fri 22-Mar-13 11:34:00

MN won't let me name change but know some of you will remember other posts so brief history.

I flip flap between sleeping with dd's dad, wishing I was with ds's dad and dating. Have been sleeping with dd's dad since November, had a wobble about ds dad which resulted in a thread in AIBU that gave me loads of good advice.

DD's dad is really really irresponsible, is always the victim and nothing is ever his fault. He does try but is quite feckless there is always something going on like he's in court today because he forgot to tell the DVLA when he sold his van. He lost his job, started another one moved to london moved back to Bristol and has been staying with me since January. He is not staying with me now.

We seem to have got into a pattern of being really really lovey dovey and hugging all night, chatting all night, cooking shopping and take aways, movies, drink ups, cinema, family stuff like bike rides and birthday parties and meals. Then little niggles he shouts at me I shout at him, then bigger arguments then his stuff goes to his mums. 2/3 days later he's all apologetic I'm missing him and we get back together all lovey dovey again. When it is all nice I have never been happier it's so lovely to feel cared about and loved.

Main problems are the kids, he thinks they are spoilt, honestly 100% I don't have brats he thinks they are spoilt because you might have to tell them to tidy up their toys every day and I pick up after them to much. I don't but thats how he sees it. It also comes across that when dc are at my mums or nans we're really good but when they're about he gets jealous almost of the attention they get. He doesn't take no responsibility with them now apart from telling them to tidy up. I also get really upset I feel he doesn't include dd like the rest although he twists it and says dd see's him more and has more then the rest.

A few comments he has made have really upset me, he said the dd we have together is our princess but his youngest dd is his queen. He also says his second eldest ds is spoilt and doesn't like seeing him, but when you pick him up on things he twists it all round.

He filmed us having sex, I did post about it I know it's a red flag I know he's a dick but after we argued about it and he left I still took him back. He also is selfish with regards to that and will stick it in while I'm asleep ect ect. Another thing we have argued about.

He cannot take any form of criticism and takes anything I say to heart, when I explained the dc complaining to me he's to bossy he took it to a whole other level and said he's refusing to tell them anything again.

He is now apparently new best friends with his ex wife, I have no problem with them being vague friends or him going round there but now this best friend thing (last few weeks he's told me this) is to much for me. I might sound possessive jealous ect but I don't want to be with someone who is best friends with their ex.

He has 6 dc including our dd and had a phone call from the csa a few days ago with a woman saying her 2 yr old ds is his. He's saying he doesn't want nothing to do with it as he don't believe it's his, she was married and put the child in her husbands name so in his eyes he thinks it should only be down to her to sort dna test out. (what a dick) I also get really upset I feel he doesn't include dd like the rest although he twists it and says dd see's him more and has more then the rest but he doesn't take dd round his mums like the rest she's seen his mum twice in the last 18months and one of those times was her sisters birthday party.

He keeps managing my expectations if that makes sense, whenever I get to happy and to comfortable and ask to much of him he then starts talking about how he won't get married again and yes we're in a relationship but with no ties. But whenever we argue and split up to get back with me he paints our future together saying we are properly together and of course he wants to get married and that but not yet.

My dm thinks he's started to see someone else, I'm not quite sure whether he is or isn't but a few suspect things have happened.

I say all this and am obviously not happy with him but I think if I give more and am more patient it will all work out, I know he will never leave me for good but it's all his terms. We have properly split up I have told him I really don't want to be with him anymore but I have this thing in my head saying I'm making the wrong decision by splitting up. Maybe it is me, he keeps saying I'm pushing him away with the arguments all the time but then I think well why are we arguing in the first place unless there was something to argue about!

If you have read my epic post thank you, any advice will be really appreciated.

EggyFucker Fri 22-Mar-13 21:41:43

You are not pushing him away

You have a sign on your forehead saying "use me"

AndTheBandPlayedOn Fri 22-Mar-13 21:47:55

(edits unkind analogies with canines)
AF- the sign undoubtedly says "Please".

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