Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Twunt scored a full house and won himself a ride in a police car

(174 Posts)
BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Thu 21-Mar-13 22:34:03

I have name changed, not ready to deal with rl yet.

After shits loads of ea, sulking, rages, controlling behaviour, blaming the whole world for his actions etc, etc, etc, tonight poor hard done by twunt was bathing dd (I had engineered this as I am sick of him being a useless twat), he started shouting at her, I went up to see to her and he kicked off.

Screaming at me to fuck off, pushing me about, all in a tiny bathroom being witnessed by hysterical dd, he wouldn't let me go to dd to calm her down, just carried on screaming and pushing me out of bathroom and towards the top of the stairs, I really thought he was going to shove me down the stairs.

I managed to get back in the bathroom, he ripped stairgate down i guess to make it easier to get me down the stairs, he came back in shoving and screaming, so I said fine let me go and I will fuck off, he let go I tried to get out of the bathroom but where he was blocking me from gettingnto the bath, when I opened the bathroom door it hit his head.

He went apeshit, tried to push me down the stairs again, I managed to get past him and downstairs to phone police. 3 lovely officers were here in no time and have taken him in for questioning.

They said that from what he has said in custody they will probably let him go with a caution, and will come back when he returns for his van to prevent a breach of the peace.

I don't have anyone left in rl close enough to turn to, as being a by the book style twunt he has made sure I have been distanced from friends.

Dd is only 3, but all she kept asking was "is daddy going away in the police car, I'll miss daddy" what do you say to that? sad

foolonthehill Fri 22-Mar-13 21:55:23

It'd good to keep it real...glad you have support.

Yes, tricky for DD but you can say that you don't know at the moment and Mummy and Daddy haven't had time to sort anything out. Tell her daddy and Mummy both love her. Don't be scared or avoid talking about what happened with her. She will want to on one level or another sometime..and she needs to know that nothing is a secret (important for future).

you are doing so well.

Look after yourself

BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Fri 22-Mar-13 22:28:57

thanks Fool

I know I need to start telling more people in rl but not looking forward to it.

Narc mother thinks he is golden balls and, like him, will make it out to be all my fault.

My closest family is my brilliant Aunt, both her and my uncle treat twunt like the son they never had, but I know I can count on their full support. I just feel like such a shit, they were so massively involved in our wedding 2 years ago, unc is late 70s with a dicky ticker, I'm really unsure whether to say anything.

Hissy Fri 22-Mar-13 22:40:41

Narc mother is the reason you were with this twat in the first place.

Contact those that will support you, stay well away from those that won't.

it's OK to lean on others.

We are all here for you love. You really are doing the very best thing.

tightfortime Fri 22-Mar-13 23:21:01

Am so glad you have RL support. You are doing brilliantly.

With DC, just be vague and change the subject, easily distracted at that age.

Machli Fri 22-Mar-13 23:41:12

With a caution there's every chance you can get him out and off the tenancy. I managed to get my This Is My Home And I Am Not Going Anywhere abusive ex out like this.

Sorry this has happened to you and that your dd saw it sad.

BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Fri 22-Mar-13 23:47:17

Wobble #1 fast approaching BOTH batteries for e cig have died, not as in need recharging, totally and utterly fucked shock angry sad I don't know whether to laugh, cry or fart !!

DixieD Sat 23-Mar-13 01:09:52

I don't know what an e cig is. But I hope you're ok. Don't wobble. Cannel your inner ice queen. He doesn't deserve you. Being with him means only unhappiness.

I don't have much practical advice but had to post to say you are bloody brilliant, OP. Well done you for calling the police on the twunt, well done you for being so strong and admirable. Your and your DD deserve this bra life, free from abuse and fear. You bloody rock, Being, bloody well done!

.'this new life' stupid phone!

No idea what a 'bra life' would look like. confused Bit chilly, I'd imagine.grin

GingerBlondecat Sat 23-Mar-13 08:45:14

All I've got is (((((((((((((((((((((soft Hugs)))))))))))))))) and (((((((((((((((Holds You ))))))))))))))))) <3

foolonthehill Sat 23-Mar-13 09:15:32

There will be more wobbles, some hefty episodes where tears are shed and memories re-lived/re-written but you will get through and you will manage though life will change.

take care of you Op

LadyFlumpalot Sat 23-Mar-13 09:24:31

I really don't mean this to sound trite, but if you are in the Dorset/Wiltshire area at all and want someone to talk to/help you make new friends etc, drop me a PM.

I am full of admiration for you OP. I really am. Keep on keeping on.

BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Sat 23-Mar-13 10:27:24

Blackcurrants a bra life could be good, plenty of support when I'm being a tit grin

Ginger Thanks much appreciated, you just made a chip of ice near my eye melt.

Fool thanks

Flump Thankyou will pm you shortly.

Trazzletoes Sat 23-Mar-13 11:10:26

Hi, I just wanted to say well done! You don't know me, but I am immensely proud of you.

Being See -THAT is why you're bloody brilliant - you see the funny side at a tricky time!
And hey, everyone always says MN is very supportive. Now whenever someone does, I will be thinking of a great big, well-fitted Bra! :D

BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Sat 23-Mar-13 15:59:25

[Grin] Blackcurrants

Well timed that badly, went to the supermarket after lunch, got back to find twunt sorting more of his tools, he's not actually taking them all like I thought, just what he needs for that day.

I had gone out through the side door, so thst I could leave the front door bolted, there is only one key to the side door, which I have. Unfortunately the side door is bang opposite the outhouse door.

Dd was all excited when she saw the van, she ran on down the path in front of me calling out to twunt and nothing.......
He didn't answer her, no hug, nothing at all.

I went straight in with the shopping and dd followed me in, normally she would stay out there helping daddy.

She doesn't seem bothered, hasn't mentioned it she's sat watching cbeebies whilst I fume on her behalf.

He has been back for stuff 4 times including stupid o'clock this morning, and blanked her each time. Am I being really naive in thinking I might just get the clean break I want, that he will just disappear in to the wide blue yonder?

I think he's giving you the cold shoulder in the hopes that it makes you crumble and go running to him, and then when you don't, (because you are brilliant) he will find another way to get at you - then either the sweet talking or the demands to his 'his' daughter.
I wish that clean break for you - so so much - but I am not quite that sunny-eyed optimist, alas!
So let's hope for it, but get legal and other wheels in motion expecting that it won't happen.

BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Sat 23-Mar-13 16:52:31

I just don't get how he can cut her off.

Maybe he feels guilty for what he said and did in front of her, but as with all twunts he never apologises because nothing is ever his fault and even he would be hard pushed to find a way to blame dd.

The police just phoned as they had taken my dob down incorrectly and apparently will be back in touch soon, didn't think to ask why, I would have thought that once he accepted the caution it was all done and dusted as far as they were concerned??? confused

Lucyellensmum95 Sat 23-Mar-13 17:07:34

He is blanking your DD to hurt you - can you stop him for returning for more of his stuff burn it Arrange for him to come and fetch everything (he has a van so no excuse) Have someone there with you and DD elsewhere. He is a vile waste of oxygen and your DD is better off without him, as are you.

izzyizin Sat 23-Mar-13 17:23:24

No, it's not done and dusted as far as the police are concerned.

As said previously, they'll send a report to SS and should be allocating a dv worker to your case to assess whether you remain at risk from him.

Given his behaviour towards dd and his self-entitled comings and goings on your property when one trip could have done the job, you are at risk from him as it's only a matter of time before he'll work himself up into a rage at what he perceives to be the unfair way he's been treated - and he'll lash out at you.

What he's doing is testing the boundaries, seeing how far he can go/what he can get away with, before you feel compelled to tell him to stop disturbing your peaceful enjoyment of your own home - at which time he'll kick off.

It's a war of attrition on his part and nothing of short of harassment. When the police get back to you, make sure to tell them what he's been up to.

wordyBird Sat 23-Mar-13 17:25:48

Being, he only cares about himself. He doesn't care about your DD, otherwise he would not have frightened her by attacking you, and he wouldn't be blanking her now.

He's much more likely to be blaming you than feeling any form of guilt.

Repeatedly returning to collect things is his attempt to reclaim territory and control. Can you ask for advice from the police DV unit? You need a strategy to tackle this, otherwise he will come and go at will just to intimidate you and violate your boundaries.

He won't allow a clean break if he can help it - men like him never do.

BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Sat 23-Mar-13 18:12:58

He cant get into the house I have all the bolts on. I assumed he was taking all his kit with him but he hasn't, in fairness he would have to arrange a storage unit, it's at least a garage worth of tools, only a small van so it wouldn't fit in one go.

Izzy sorry I did read what you said at the time, obviously not retaining much info at the mo blush thanks for that.

Wa put me in touch with a local organisation that will help with legal and housing stuff, they should be ringing on monday.

Stupidly when he needed a solicitor a few years ago (for his divorce blush) I put him on to mine, so I now need to get a new one

BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Sat 23-Mar-13 18:23:53

When I split with Dd1 dad we went our separate ways twice he tried a half arsed attempt at visitation for her, but when I phoned his solicitor she was in the process of dropping him cos he was such an arse, and even offered to help me (unofficially) if he tried any further attempt at contact. That was almost 12 years ago, we split 18 years ago. Have had no contact with him since.

Now for the jeremy kyle bit, you can guess who twunt is currently staying with can't you blush I'm hoping for the first time ever that some of his attitude will rub off on twunt.

You'd might not need to get another solicitor for the divorce, the key thing is to be the first to consult in this matter,,I think. Worth checking inn the legal section, or just going in for a free half hour consult and outright asking.

foolonthehill Sat 23-Mar-13 21:31:38

he will do what is necessary to look after himself and maintain his own rosey eyed view of himself.

Pray that he disappears but assume that he is going to start a war of attrition with charm, threats, and anything else he has (or thinks he has) to use on you.

make sure you are 3 or 4 steps ahead of him and get a non mol. order and occupation order in place ASAP.

am impressed by the ability to go shopping and the organized way you managed the doors!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now