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Twunt scored a full house and won himself a ride in a police car

(174 Posts)
BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Thu 21-Mar-13 22:34:03

I have name changed, not ready to deal with rl yet.

After shits loads of ea, sulking, rages, controlling behaviour, blaming the whole world for his actions etc, etc, etc, tonight poor hard done by twunt was bathing dd (I had engineered this as I am sick of him being a useless twat), he started shouting at her, I went up to see to her and he kicked off.

Screaming at me to fuck off, pushing me about, all in a tiny bathroom being witnessed by hysterical dd, he wouldn't let me go to dd to calm her down, just carried on screaming and pushing me out of bathroom and towards the top of the stairs, I really thought he was going to shove me down the stairs.

I managed to get back in the bathroom, he ripped stairgate down i guess to make it easier to get me down the stairs, he came back in shoving and screaming, so I said fine let me go and I will fuck off, he let go I tried to get out of the bathroom but where he was blocking me from gettingnto the bath, when I opened the bathroom door it hit his head.

He went apeshit, tried to push me down the stairs again, I managed to get past him and downstairs to phone police. 3 lovely officers were here in no time and have taken him in for questioning.

They said that from what he has said in custody they will probably let him go with a caution, and will come back when he returns for his van to prevent a breach of the peace.

I don't have anyone left in rl close enough to turn to, as being a by the book style twunt he has made sure I have been distanced from friends.

Dd is only 3, but all she kept asking was "is daddy going away in the police car, I'll miss daddy" what do you say to that? sad

I have no idea what to say - how awful for you and DD. I'm holding your hand.

Tortington Thu 21-Mar-13 22:38:22

its better than daddy twatting mummy

were all here if you need support, get in contact with friends and family, go to visit them, write birthdays down on a calander and in 6 months time, you'll be sick of answering text messages.

there might be a mumsnet meet up near you - and if there isn't - create one

foolonthehill Thu 21-Mar-13 22:43:53

Tell her that even grown ups aren't allowed to hurt other people and that if they do, or even if they scare them the police can come and explain they are not allowed to do that.

Then tell her if she is ever scared or worried by something she should always tell someone and get help, just like Mummy did.

you will be teaching her a great lesson for the future...you don't put up and shut up, you get help and you deal with it.

So sorry for you OP, but at least you did n't wait until DD was in double figures and had a masters in minimising and coping (like I did) before you taught her she's allowed to stand up for herself.

you will feel better, and you have done the right thing.

BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Thu 21-Mar-13 22:44:27

Thanks all hand holding very welcome.

Police just phoned back, he has admitted everything and will be accepting a caution, police will bring him back for the van in about half an hour, he wants a couple of things from the house, but the police will come to the door, not him.

I have no idea what to tell dd in the morning.

BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Thu 21-Mar-13 22:47:04

X post

Thanks fool wise words. So sorry that you and your dc's have been here too.

EverybodysSootyEyed Thu 21-Mar-13 22:49:29

don't worry about your friends and family - i should imagine they have all been waiting for you to kick him to the kerb and will be pleased to have you back.

no advice as to what to tell your dd but add in lots of cuddles!!

BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Thu 21-Mar-13 23:11:30

Police have been for his stuff, just heard him drive away like a loon.

Don't know what's going to happen when he wants to collect the rest of his stuff.

Going to be a busy day tomorrow, changing all my details to single mum.

foolonthehill Thu 21-Mar-13 23:15:12

sad

at least you are safe.

not everything has to be done at once.

Hope you sleep, if not go and look at DD and remind yourself how much love you have for her.

Together you will get through.

and (((((((hug)))))))) even though it is mumsnet.

BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Thu 21-Mar-13 23:23:22

Thanks Fool thanks

I have an incredibly loving and bright dd and I'm not going to allow her to be messed up.

Not sure if I will sleep, but you're right I'm safe and now he has accepted a caution, I don't think even he would be thick enough to try anything else.

Thanks for the hugs and hand holding.

I can do this.

betterthanever Thu 21-Mar-13 23:29:12

Everyone has already given good advice and fool is never foolish with her words.
I am so sorry to hear what has happened but so pleased you have done what you have. I wish I had called the police. You have it on record now. The words to tell your DD that fool has suggested are wonderful (I may need those myself).
Take care and please get RL help as soon as you can. I didn't tell people as I was embarased - my RL friends were brilliant. Take care x

izzyizin Thu 21-Mar-13 23:52:04

Are you married to the twunt?

In any event, in accepting a caution he's ensured that you will be one of the few entitled to legal aid in divorce/family matters after the end of this month - it's not much consolation but you may be able to raise a smile at the thought of him having to pay solicitors' fees if he makes any application for a contact order or similar in respect of dd.

As your dd was present when he kicked off, the police are statutorily obliged to send a report of the incident to your local SS children's services department and you may get a letter or visit from them in due course. Don't be alarmed; it's standard procedure and once you've assured them he's no longer resident at your address, they'll close the case.

This board is a brilliant source of wisdom/handholding/advice but there's nothing quite like rl support. Locate your nearest Women's Aid branch here: www.womensaid.org.uk and give them a call tomorrow to speak to other women who will understand what you're going through and provide practical advice you re benefits, child support, sourcing a rottweiler solicitor etc.

tightfortime Thu 21-Mar-13 23:59:44

Enough is enough. Well bloody done you for calling the police and protecting BOTH you and DC.

Tomorrow is another day, one step at a time.

She's only three, so was mine when daddy 'got sick.' (Police called to suicide threat) she still talks about it. 'Why were you crying mummy when you told daddy not to do this to the kids on the phone? What as he gong to do to me mummy?' I maintain that daddy was sick, have done all along. Am glad I did as time has moved on and she is close to him.

They don't forget and will work it out but for now, I'd go with daddy wasn't well and what he did was wrong but we all still love you and it will be fine...

I echo the others about RL help and stick around, we're here xx

BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Fri 22-Mar-13 00:02:46

Thanks Izzy,

I did wonder what the next step would be regarding dd, police took gp's and childminders details.

Interesting to know about legal aid, however I recently came into some money (nearly £20k ) which i think is part of twunts problem, I am no longer financially dependant on him, so I don't know if I would qualify. You're right it would raise a smile, I have just finished his books, we were looking to buy a house, so I had enhanced his income quite dramatically grin

Thanks for your advice thanks

BertieBotts Fri 22-Mar-13 00:07:55

Reassure DD that she can still see her dad even though he's gone in the police car, just not straight away - you don't want her worrying and thinking he's gone away and she'll never see him again.

Now for you - can you get someone to be with you tomorrow when he gets his stuff? If no friends/family available the police should be able to.

I definitely agree to get the support of WA because although you feel strong now (and it's FANTASTIC - you've handled it exactly the right way) he will start playing mind games over the next few days/weeks and try absolutely everything under the sun to convince you that it will never happen again - he might even believe this himself but please do not be taken in by these assurances, especially as your emotions will probably be skyrocketing all over the place and you won't know whether black is white - this is normal, be prepared for it and try not to worry about it, just stick to the golden rule of keeping distance/space between you for long enough that you can work things out with a clear head. But WA or other specialised support services (and MN smile) will help.

EvenBetter Fri 22-Mar-13 00:39:42

Well done OP!
I'm cheering on behalf of womankind that the abusive loser got removed by the police. I'm sure he was shitting himself.
Continue to defend yourself and your baby, you'll both be fine and free :D

BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Fri 22-Mar-13 00:42:22

Grrrrr just remembered that I had put some washing on before he kicked off, just went to put it in the drier but he's fucked off with the key, tumbler is in the outhouse along with all his work stuff.

Tight I don't know what to say ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) to you and your dd for what you have been through.

Bertie I will stay strong, I give everyone a second chance (more than that if I am honest) but as soon as those chances have run out the ice queen kicks in. There is nothing he could say or do to make me want to be in the same county as him, let alone back with him.

He will believe his own fuckwittery, he loves to play the victim. He will tell all and sundry he only took the caution to protect his business or make it easier for dd etc. He will be adamant he did nothing even though he has admitted it to the police. It will all be down to me I will have done something, not done something, said something, not said something, delete as appropriate confused

jynier Fri 22-Mar-13 00:58:46

So sorry, OP, for your dreadful experience; sending best wishes and congratulations for calling the police! Well done!

izzyizin Fri 22-Mar-13 01:43:33

A victim showing any spark of independence is akin to the proverbial red rag for an abusive twunt.

As you've got an abundance of sparks which will have been eating away at him, it's unsurprising he kicked off but, as is always the case with stoopid twunts of his ilk, he's shot himself in the foot as he wont get to share in any of them.

Let him re-write history and/or make out he's some kind of Sydney Carton; those that know him will know the truth and those that don't, won't give a fuck grin

Get a locksmith round tomorrow to change the lock on your outhouse, and talk to your local police authority's Domestic Violence Unit to get your entry door locks changed for free and to discuss any additional home security items, such as window locks, personal alarm, etc you may need ... you should be contacted by a worker from this unit but, if not, Women's Aid can advocate for you.

BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Fri 22-Mar-13 09:54:25

Have spoken to the letting agent this morning, they are trying to contact landlord for permission to change the locks.

He has to write to letting agent asking to be taken off the tenancy and for the rent to now be taken from my account, not sure where I stand if he doesn't. I don't want to make too much fuss where Ll is concerned as we are on a two month notice agreement.

BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Fri 22-Mar-13 13:08:09

Still no word back from Ll so I can't see me being able to get locks changed todsy.

Have spoken to womens aid, they have put me in touch with another local organistion who can help with legal advice as well as rehousing. Also waiting to hear back from local council.

Twunt has not attempted any contact so I have absolutely no idea whether he is expecting to 'come home' as normal after work.

BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Fri 22-Mar-13 17:55:34

Heard twunt come back ad get some of his tools from outhouse. He put a note through th door saying 'I need work stuff pants, socks, tops'.

I have bagged up all of his clothes, toiletries, phone charger and left them in the outhouse, I assume he will get them on his way to work tomorrow.

Dd just asked when daddy was coming home, I told her I didn't know, she then said 'I miss my daddy, do you miss daddy mummy?'

confused haven't answered cos I don't want to lie to her, but telling her the truth seems a bit cruel.

foolonthehill Fri 22-Mar-13 21:20:37

well done you.
A bit of fudging is necessary sometimes!

foolonthehill Fri 22-Mar-13 21:28:02

How are you feeling?

BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Fri 22-Mar-13 21:39:25

I'm doing ok thanks fool

A bit confused/pissed off, he came back again earlier picked up his clothes, but made no attempt to come in and see dd. A massive part of me is glad, don't really want to see him or speak to him, but I realise that's a bit selfish where dd is concerned, although when she was on about him earlier she did say "but you will bath me mummy, not daddy" so although she says she wants to see him, she is obviously bothered by what has happened.

Told my best friend earlier, she was shocked but brilliant, going to catch up on her next day off, but she made it clear she's available any time if I need her.

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