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reply to a msg from abusive xh's new (?) gf, or not bother?

(30 Posts)
MsWinkleman Thu 21-Mar-13 10:11:08

I've posted on here about my abusive x. He was financially, emotionally, verbally and physically aggressive. I've gained a lot of clarity from posters on here over the 5 years.

Less than a year ago he said (not to me) that he'd no idea why I left. He couldn't understand it. Still sayin I was selfish to break up the family.

I got a fb message from a woman with no photo, it's not even her real fb. The name seems a bit fake. She (?) is asking me some questions, but also, seems quite controlling in that she is telling me how to answer them.

Directing me to answer truthfully, as though the most likely scenario is that I will lie to her, and also commanding me to answer yes or no. So it seems like a survey, very carefully crafted.

Obviously he's told her some utter bullshit about me being mentally ill and selfish. But the fact that she's fb'd me wanting to know "yes or no" did he ever hit you, some warning bell is ringing in her head. I don't want any woman, even a sneaky one who is talking down to me like I'm the one on trial to get sucked into a vortex of toxicity.

Can I send a message telling her yes he was verbally, financially and physically abusive, controlling, manipulative and a sulker, and then block her from replying to that message? Because I feel I want to warn her but I don't want her to come back to me and tell me she doesn't believe me, or come back defending him or making excuses for him.

arsenaltilidie Fri 22-Mar-13 17:35:27

Difficult one, either look out for yourself or to save another woman.
If it was the new GF then her questions would've been wanting to see the whole picture, not just yes or no answers.
But questions from a controlling man would be "I want yes or no answers."

If she is really serious then she should find better ways of communicating than an anonymous account.

Agree with Sunshine give her information on DV services or direct her here grin

personally I'd reply asking her to message you from her real profile, not a made up one. That way you can better judge whether it's genuine or not.

I know you don't have to reply but I wouldn't want another women suffering if I thought I could help.

Dilemma247 Fri 22-Mar-13 18:06:54

I'd do the "if you are in trouble the contact WA" then block her..
I think that's enough
You are t strong enough to get involved fully and this will help her if she needs it

jasmineramsden Fri 22-Mar-13 18:18:14

Ripleys suggestion, seconded x

clam Fri 22-Mar-13 20:12:59

Sounds to me as if it's his new gf, who he's also abusive towards and she's trying, anonymously, to find out if he was the same to you.
I think I'd want to tell her that he was. But I understand people's wariness.

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