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AIBU to expect him to take 1 day off to mind me?

(40 Posts)
chubbymomie2012 Wed 20-Mar-13 21:26:20

i need to have a wisdom tooth out under sedation because the root is twisted and pinching a nerve so causing bloody pain!!!!!! initially the date they gave me was 11th of april but they called today to say i could have a cancellation monday or wed next week. i was on the spot and choose Monday. Asked my other half to be here on monday because i need him to look after me and the kids and he says no he cant ring back and ask for wed. by the time i did wed has gone so now im back to 11th. im bloody furious. hes really pissed me off. i dont ask for much and this is important not just a whim. AIBU????

chubbymomie2012 Thu 21-Mar-13 07:47:14

Thanks for the points of view ladies. I know it can come out without anaesthetic but I was advised to go for sedation ad the roots are curling and it will be a difficult extraction. I know he doesn't have meetings on Monday that's prob why I'm so annoyed he won't make himself available. He is saying wed because that is a day he would usually work from home. Again I would understand if I asked him all the time but I actually have never asked him to rearrange o look after me. Normally if I'm sick my parents step in however in this case it wouldn't be possible to rely on them.

EverybodysSootyEyed Thu 21-Mar-13 09:35:17

Well in that case I would have words with him. Although if he works at home in Wednesday I think I would have taken that appointment.

Dh and I are currently having the debate about whether or not I should give up work. It would make our lives so much less stressful but I hesitate because I don't want to be in a position where he takes me for granted.

By giving up work you have mde his life so much easier and there is a quid pro quo for that. He needs to step up to that too. He doesn't get to check out of all family responsibilities just because you have taken on the lions share

If he works at home on Wednesday why did you not take that appointment?

firesidechat Thu 21-Mar-13 09:42:13

I had two wisdom teeth out without sedation (just the usual pain killing injection) so it can be done. Maybe there are reasons that a sedation is necessary.

My husband would struggle with taking time off at short notice and we would have to agree a good time to do this. If I was in pain I would be desperate too.

onefewernow Thu 21-Mar-13 10:00:32

I sympathise as this sort of issue was one which we took to Relate, where he agreed he put himself first and that sent a message.

My advice to anyone thinking of giving up work completely I'd don't do it. Skills become out of date or rusty quickly, and you are banking on always bring together . Hopefully you will be bit it isn't set in stone, and is limiting choice in future. I would go part time and get in help, too. It always looks greener on the other side of the work/home fence than it is.

onefewernow Thu 21-Mar-13 10:01:08

Typos alert!!

chubbymomie2012 Thu 21-Mar-13 10:44:21

I Couldn't take the Wednesday apt because my son has an appointment that day which I had to fight to get. Plus it's a day where our older two kids have after school clubs and so I have to drive all over the place to collect them. It's a busy family day and me being incapacitated that day would be a nightmare.

chubbymomie2012 Thu 21-Mar-13 10:46:12

nyway have spoken to him at length and he can't see at all why I'm upset. What's the point in arguing. I'll just have to look after myself in future. I can't rely on him so I should stop expecting him to be there when I need him.

kasbah72 Thu 21-Mar-13 11:11:31

I am sorry you didn't manage sort it out together but I do think that testing someone else's love and support by getting them to (inevitably) fail some arbitrary challenge to prove your point is just a nightmare.

LemonPeculiarJones Thu 21-Mar-13 11:55:13

Sorry to hear that chubby. I don't think you were testing him, btw. You simply asked him for his support and he refused.

Perhaps he'll understand when you are unavailable to him when he is next in pain and needs consideration.

clam Thu 21-Mar-13 16:44:42

"If he works at home on Wednesday why did you not take that appointment?"

Perhaps because she's in a lot of pain and wants it sorted asap?

Ok, but she is still in pain. Because he can't do Monday.
So now she has to wait even longer.

CabbageLeaves Thu 21-Mar-13 17:41:26

Chubby. You've just given reasons why you can't do Wednesday. Perhaps your DH feels the same way about his working day? You feel family events such as after school clubs are too important but he should cancel his day? Can you see where there might be an issue between both your appreciation of each others needs?

chubbymomie2012 Thu 21-Mar-13 17:59:40

Cabbageleaves! yes. you are spot on. i hadnt looked at it like that. seriously its so obvious when u say it like that. i have also calmed down a little. thank you.

CabbageLeaves Thu 21-Mar-13 20:41:47

I hope you can start a conversation where he acknowledges the issue and you both recognise the different pressures you are under. smile

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