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Husband has just left. Doesn't love me any more. I am destroyed.

(253 Posts)
UterusUterusGhali Sat 16-Mar-13 20:16:45

He hasn't loved me for a while.
Haven't had sex for ages. He doesn't fancy me. Sees me more as a sister.

I want to curl up and die. Im just bereft. I don't know how I can carry on.

Apileofballyhoo Sun 31-Mar-13 00:02:54

Hope you are feeling a little bit better Uterus. Don't leave your DCs, give them a better life. Happy Mum equals Happy DCs. You have so much ahead of you that will be good. This is a turning point in your life. Remember your kids love you and you love them. Just the other night you had fun with your dd on the sofa. Keep yourself detached from husband, he is throwing you into turmoil. Don't agree to travelling to strange places. Let him do the running, protect yourself.Anxiety is the other side of depression. Build a wall between him and you. Put an emotional plastic bubble wrap around yourself. Imagine his hurtful words bouncing off you and into space. Withdraw to your inner self, protect yourself and stay safe. You are the only person in the world who loves the DCs as much as you love the DCs. A father should do what he can to protect the emotional well being of his children's mother in order to protect their emotional well being. He should not belittle you in any way and it is wrong of him. Things can and will get better. Shut him out emotionally and don't let him destroy your balance. He has no power over you if you don't let him. Put yourself first, your wants, your needs. You are a strong capable woman. He is an immature, irresponsible running away from marriage man. House tidy my arse. I am assuming he has arms and legs?

memorylapse Mon 01-Apr-13 16:49:44

I am late to this thread but wanted to share my experiences,
2.5 years ago when my dc were 16, 9, 6 and 6 months..my xh told me that he no longer loved me and was leaving...I was distraught and blamed myself for being too busy with a new baby to notice he was unhappy...then I discovered that he had been having an emotional affair with a woman he worked with..he wouldnt admit it..even though I had the text evidence..he carried on lying saying it was all my fault..accused me of being a monster when Id been exhausted from lack of sleep..finally I plucked up the courage to throw him out in 2011 and enjoyed being on my own..but I still loved him very much and took him back later in the year....however the man I married had gone..and in his place was a heartless selfish man who thought he could carry on his affair whilst living under my roof and mentally and emotionally abuse me. Things came to a head when in April last year he assaulted me on my little girls second birthday...In front of the children..the next day I phoned the domestic abuse unit and 8 weeks later I had moved out with the children..
The last year has been hard, I wont lie and he regularly taunts me with how he never loved me..hated me for years etc...all very different from what I recall before He started seeing his other woman..sadly he rewrote history in order to silence his conscience. ? Made it easier to behave so appallingly towards someone he had spent 17 years with.
What ever the outcome..please dont try and win this man back..he is not worthy of your love..YOU are the prize..and he should attempt to win YOU back..if thats what you wanted..but please dont do anything silly..this vile man has treated you so cruelly..he doesnt deserve your tears or distress..you will get through this..I promise..I thought my life was over even until quite recently I still struggled to comprehend how he could do this..then I realised it was because he was a self entitled git who out his own self satisfaction before anything else..my revenge? Me and the kids are getting on with life..Ive had a fling which proved Im not ugly..The kids are happier...and Im getting better each day...him...he is stony broke..cant afford a car and lives a relatively empty life..he gets to see two of his children once every two weeks..my 12 year old wont see him because he is still angry at his dad..and as for his ow..well he doesnt live with her and spends most of his time messing with her head now...
You will get through this, but what will annoy your husband more is you make out you are managing just fine..even if inside you feel like dying..don't let him know..surround yourself with support...show him you are doing just fine WITHOUT him..he will hate that

Rulesgirl Mon 01-Apr-13 17:23:30

Uterus, I hope you come back and talk. There are a lot of really lovely ladies out there who will help you through this and give you good advice. The main thing is not to let this man hurt you anymore. Apileofballyhoos post is really good as a way of dealing with all this in the hear and now. Try and look after yourself as best you can and treat yourself to some nice food so that you can eat a little more. Your children love you and need you so much so let them be your reason for getting stronger.

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