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Regale me with hilarious/ridiculous things that a narcissist or enabler has said to you....

(890 Posts)
Herrena Sat 16-Mar-13 12:25:15

I'll go first.

My DF acts as enabler for my narcissist M, although I doubt he's fully aware of this. We were discussing her and my god-awful childhood yesterday over skype when he dropped in this little gem:

'Well, you were so quiet. You didn't really defend yourself properly.'

shock What the actual fuck?!

I didn't really process the remark at the time but now I'm bloody fuming.

Go on, tell me yours. Let's laugh at the bastards and then maybe I won't spend the next week dwelling on my wrath

RaspberrySchnapps Wed 31-Jul-13 20:34:50

BoomCrash - your own mother said that to you? What a caaah.

My BIL kindly told DH, after I had my baby, that sex would be like opening a window and fucking the night. That was after my emergency CS. My DH gently explained the difference between a CS and a vaginal birth, also that it would be safer for the gene pool if BIL stuck to opening his zip and fucking his hand. I wouldn't have known about this little exchange, but DH was quite pleased with his retort grin

spanky2 Wed 31-Jul-13 15:05:01

Sorry that did make me laugh mostly out of shock and embarrassment.

BoomCrashBoomPoggenpohl Wed 31-Jul-13 14:23:22

Bought newly born dd round to DP's. Talking about dd's birthweight, (9lbs) DM turned to DH and said "be like putting a cocktail stick in a cooling tower from now on".

buildingmycorestrength Wed 31-Jul-13 10:26:02

It is cathartic, isn't it? Being able to laugh at their ludicrous behaviour...it is like their kryptonite. Falling to the floor in histrionics, I mean, honestly, who does that? Ridiculous narc mothers, that's who.

thanks thanks thanks thanks to all here.

Capitaltrixie Wed 31-Jul-13 10:23:09

Same narc exP

'It's your fault I'm eating so much cake and putting on weight, you should make me go to the gym more' (I never stopped him going once!)

Great thread, making me feel bit sad when reading but very cathartic too I think smile thanks

Capitaltrixie Wed 31-Jul-13 10:02:13

My narc mum after I told her exP had 1) dragged me off the sofa and across the floor by my hair and 2) pushed me into the middle of the road telling me he wanted me to die:

'Well, it was 6 to one and half a dozen to the other really..'

My narc exP regarding the above incidences:

'you pushed me to it; I was provocated'

Hmmm..

recall Wed 31-Jul-13 09:48:24

My Narci ex friend - she referred to herself as posh, and I said that I didn't think she sounded posh, just a northern accent and she said to me

"well I tone it down when I'm talking to you, and put on a regional accent to make you feel more comfortable" shock

RaspberrySchnapps Wed 31-Jul-13 09:32:19

I could write a book about both my DM and DF, they divorced when I was young and are both a piece of work in their own special way.

But for humorous things they have done, my DM collapsing dramatically to the floor in floods when I told her I had ditched a boyfriend (in my 20's, playing the field) comes close to perfect. The boyfriend's family was rich beyond DM wildest imaginings, I enjoyed his big cock but he was very dull. I had to comfort her and through the sobs and wails she blubbed 'but Raspberry, how could you do this to me? he was so RICH' sob sob sob snurch. The following week, her stage of recovery had turned to rage and she spat out 'promise me Raspberry, marry for MONEY. Do you hear me girl. NEVER marry for love' 20 years later, that still makes me grin. I think I was raised by Miss Haversham.

spanky2 Wed 31-Jul-13 08:51:59

Sugar rice my mum said exactly the same thing about my homemade card! She got a homemade present too and spent all day crying in bed. I was 10 or 11.

spanky2 Tue 30-Jul-13 21:08:44

This is just the thread I have been looking for . To my dh you ought to watch out for spanky2.She almost caused you big trouble . It was an accusation my dad made not me. and we see little point contacting her again . Um appart from the fact I'myour daughter !

feelflat Tue 30-Jul-13 20:56:41

" I should have kicked you out years ago but I didn't want to make you end up living with some bloke as you could afford a house!" - Dad saying I was selfish for not moving out until I was late 20's

" I cant walk you up the isle or say nice things about you when I don't mean them" - Dad as I didn't have my sister for my bridesmaid

" You are going to make this child come out depressed if you carry on" - mum as I was suffering from depression when pregnant

"Its not like your are their dad, they wont be bothered" sister when falling out with me and justifying when he wont let me see them anymore

So sad for some stories here and not even sure if these are right, but I know I have been affected by this sort of thing my whole life and suffer low self esteem and low self confidence sad

Longsufferingmum2 Tue 30-Jul-13 20:46:34

Such a relief to realise your mother is a narcissist. I have almost no contact with my mother, refuse to let her near my children and am trying to raise mine differently. Every mother has had a terrible relationship with their daughters in that family, from about 1850 onwards (before that there are fewer records). I hope I'm going to break the cycle. Sadly, the genes are very strong and both my daughter and I have inherited the disgusting temper and nasty, snappy comments. What's different about us is we are aware of what we are and try hard to put a sock in it and say sorry.
I have no feelings about her anymore. I used to hate her but even that's worn off and now I'm fairly indifferent.

Solari Mon 29-Jul-13 19:15:58

So sorry for everyone who's suffered so much flowers .

My father was definitely a narc (with other major issues thrown in), and I'm still working out what exactly my mother is.

Her 'winning' moment has to be shortly after I told her I'd been sexually attacked by my father for years. She showed little reaction but then months later, while on a public bus, suddenly came out with, "So did he actually rape you then? Or was it just touching?"

Strangely, I didn't much feel up to discussing the details in front of 30 or so strangers. hmm

notacloudinthesky Mon 29-Jul-13 14:15:46

Have stumbled on this thread. Wondering now if my mother displayed symptoms of narcissism with comments like when my 4th son, her grandson was born, "oh what a shame, I was hoping for a girl..." And when I was about 10 she watched me in a gala, I made a mistake and apparently embarrassed her... I remember crying all the way home.
She also loves a drama and other people's gossip rather than be interested in me and my thoughts, cares or worries.... And any medical problems... She rattles when she walks!!!! I have always wondered whether its a lot about attention...
No, the real reason for my post is my DP. You really wouldn't believe the things I could write about him. He is the ultimate narc and even a therapist I brought into our home to try to help with his outrageous temper nearly left as he was so upset with the way he behaved in front of him towards me. ("He plays cat and mouse with you"). The debt, the spending, the controlling, the lack of empathy or understanding, the "I'll do it when I want, not when you tell me" (I ask once, he doesn't do it, I ask again, it's nagging and moaning and he refuses to help me..., no matter what).
I had trouble getting my baby to attach to my breast when 4 days old.... as happens and needed help as I had mastitis.... He REFUSED. When the baby was 5 days he forgot to bring me a coffee in the bath, which he'd promised me (anything, just ask, here to help), I reminded him, ( phoned him downstairs!!!), he got in a strop and stormed out the house, picked up a lady friend and took her to a birthday lunch party....
Your clothes are tatty, you need to lose weight, my ex will always be in my life I'm not sure you will....your the best thing and worst that ever happened to me, I need money in my account NOW, always crap birthdays....

We are not kids, I'm in my 40s and he's 50.
But it's like being with a child who has tantrums and sulks.... A lot. Of course there are good times too, but only when he wants them... We either do what he wants or we are late.
He called thr police to the house once as we'd had a argument when I was pregnant... It's like calling your parents when you're a child... He was so cool when they arrived and I was so upset that I must have looked like I'd actually done something!!
I found these quotes this morning... I was fast asleep until 3 am when DP came to bed as he couldn't sleep, put the lights on, used the loo and brushed teeth with electric toothbrush, of course, if I'd done that all hell would have broken loose.... So it made me think.
"As a psychiatrist was once heard saying “Ns are the bread and butter of the therapeutic enterprise, not because they so often seek professional help—they are too impressed with themselves to ever think they have a problem—but because they drive so many people around them crazy.”
And
"He will choose you, disarm you with his words, and control you with his presence. He will delight you with his wit and his plans. He will show you a good time, but you will always get the bill. He will smile and deceive you, and he will scare you with his eyes. And when he is through with you, and he will be through with you, he will desert you and take with him your innocence and your pride. You will be left much sadder but not a lot wiser, and for a long time you will wonder what happened and what you did wrong. And if another of his kind comes knocking at your door, will you open it?"
Food for thought eh?

LucyH28 Mon 29-Jul-13 09:37:54

This thread has been really insightful, I've never know anyone in real life who has a parent like mine but this shows I'm clearly not alone!
The worst thing my mother ever said was "it's your fault your sister died because you gave me measles when I was pregnant" she constantly insists that I had a great childhood and has no self awareness
The best one most recently is "I've been thinking and I have come to terms with the fact that I will never be a grandmother" said in the most depressed woe in me voice! my marriage is falling to pieces and I'm a wreck but that's her main concern. I'm also 28 and my sister is 23 so maybe a bit young to be written off!

Zazzles007 Mon 29-Jul-13 01:13:57

Before I went NC to with my narc mother, I patiently explained that I didn't like her asking when I was going to bed, every time I stayed with them. She replied "But I ask [this] of your father, and he's ok with it". My narc mother cannot see that although my father and I are very similar, we are two separate people.

The older my parents get, the weirder I realise they are...

Salbertina Sun 28-Jul-13 17:50:29

My dsis when i called her to let her know about dc1's arrival after bloody long labour and tricky delivery merely said " I'm an aunt, I'm an aunt" in a note of disbelief before passing me onto BIL. Not a word about how the baby or i was shock "Self-absorbed" doesn't quite cut it..

SixPackWellies Sun 28-Jul-13 17:12:16

A 'friend' of mine who attacked me verbally, via e-mail and on my telephone because I had been invited to a dinner party that she had not been. Literally... someone qe both knew invited me. To their very own dinner party.

She wrote to me and said 'I am almost prepared to believe that you did not understand that you acceptance would have hurt me so badly. '

FFS, it had nothing to do with her.

Since then, I have had more messages... 6 years later, and was told just this week that she refers to me as mutual friends as 'SixPack, the backstabber and betrayer'.

Meery Sun 28-Jul-13 16:55:27

One i remember is on telling dm that my dh was seriously ill in hospital.

"oh so you won't be coming out to see me then?" in very hurt tone of voice.

Always trust her to find a unique response.

bringthethunda Sun 28-Jul-13 07:42:04

Wow sashh, my dm always has tenuous links to the recently departed (or soon to be departed), but people she doesn't know?!!

I think what galls me the most is the fact that I am always at the bottom of the list and the randoms are put very much above me. The time and attention that my dear parents put into putting on a show for others could have been spent on me (sniffs, woe is me etc grin )

sashh Sun 28-Jul-13 05:40:07

And isn't it weird that we've had at least a couple of DMs who won't visit because they are waiting for a virtual stranger to die? That is truly weird.

My mother goes to funerals .............

wait for it


of people she doesn't know.

Zazzles007 Sun 28-Jul-13 02:23:30

Awww, Booster that is just the best comeback from your DH!

Boosterseat Sat 27-Jul-13 16:30:03

Oh also, when I 1st started seeing DH I took him to meet the gruesome twosome and my SF mentioned my thighs (the man is obsessed).

DH promptly replied, "I spend a lot of time between them and I'm a actually rather enamoured with them"

Bless his heart, SF was all blush and I nearly peed myself laughing.

Boosterseat Sat 27-Jul-13 16:23:13

corestrength I was very lucky to have a wise old grandad who helped me see my mothers funny side from being about 7!

Some posters here really humble me, the strength they have to carry on after such awful treatment, I count my lucky stars and realise I was far from alone.

meiisme Sat 27-Jul-13 14:13:33

And my M after I told her that said boyfriend had been quite unpleasent at times: "Well, he never behaved like that with me." And what a lovely pair they were indeed.

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