Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Regale me with hilarious/ridiculous things that a narcissist or enabler has said to you....

(890 Posts)
Herrena Sat 16-Mar-13 12:25:15

I'll go first.

My DF acts as enabler for my narcissist M, although I doubt he's fully aware of this. We were discussing her and my god-awful childhood yesterday over skype when he dropped in this little gem:

'Well, you were so quiet. You didn't really defend yourself properly.'

shock What the actual fuck?!

I didn't really process the remark at the time but now I'm bloody fuming.

Go on, tell me yours. Let's laugh at the bastards and then maybe I won't spend the next week dwelling on my wrath

clam Sat 23-Mar-13 19:16:21

My mother had a single female friend back for something to eat after work one day, before heading back to an evening function. I was chatting away to them as they ate (about 13/14 at the time?) about something that had happened that day. The friend turned to my mum, in my full hearing, and said "how do you cope with this after a day's work?"
My mum replied, "I don't. I just switch off."

Thanks Mum. angry

Oh the independence thing! My mum was so proud of herself for "teaching me to be independent". There was no "teaching" involved. If you've got no one to depend on, then you have to be independent, don't you? They didn't teach me any skills. I remember her screaming at me to iron my clothes when I was about 14. I'd never been allowed to touch the iron before, it was all done for me. And then one day it wasn't, and she was yelling at me for going out in crumpled clothes. And then stood laughing at me as I tried to iron without letting it heat up first.

Leaving for university was great - I packed my car and left, didn't get waved off. Got there, and I was the only one without parents helping. But even then, when I thought my parents were "normal", I knew I felt free.

My parents never came to any of my school assemblies, plays or concerts either - they told me it would be too boring. So when they were complaining that they hadn't seen enough of their gcs, I invited them to ds1's school play. I thought "Hah! I will make you attend a school play!". They said they couldn't come because their dog wouldn't like it ... Fortunately I hadn't promised anything to ds1.

I'm another asthmatic with parents who smoked in the car. Never dared to say anything though! I used to get really carsick, it would make me feel ill for ages afterwards. They knew. On Sunday afternoons they used to make us all go out "for a drive". Not to go anywhere, just to go out and drive around. I was old enough to be home alone (I was alone all week after school) but they wouldn't let me stay home. We had to all go out and pretend to enjoy it, like it was some family activity or something. My db and I weren't allowed to talk and I'd be turning green, but apparently it was "a lovely drive".

Ah, TheOneWithTheHair - the best revenge is a life well-lived. My "comeuppance" story is that my parents don't get to see us any more, and we're having a much better time without them. I did ask dd once if she'd like to see them, and she said "I'd like to see their dog".

Sorry this is so long. But its cathartic, isn't it?

Oopla Sat 23-Mar-13 21:00:33

Tigga I love you!! grin

Good on you gal xxxx ((()))

Oopla Sat 23-Mar-13 21:04:11

Good on you something2say. I did a little cheer for you. Fuck her!

Mynewmoniker Sat 23-Mar-13 21:49:27

I was wondering earlier (I have read all threads tonight) if this Nc behaviour was a generational thing but I then realised from my work with kids that this type of stuff still goes on today. I can't understand why people would want to do to others what may have been done to them.

thanks for you all for sharing, what must be for some, really raw stuff.

MrsDeVere Sat 23-Mar-13 22:31:28

My DM didn't call me on the first anniversary of DD's death.
She waited a week or two because 'I knew you would be upset'
She never sent me a card, no flowers, no acknowledgment at all.
When she phoned me she told me all about the lovely cards she had got from her friends in recognition of DD's anniversary.

I still can't believe that is true.
But it is.

saffronwblue Sat 23-Mar-13 23:09:55

Not on the scale of some of these truly terrible ones (((Mrs De Vere))).

MiL calling out to interrupt the very moving speech that DH was making to his sister for her 50th birthday.
"But what about ME? I gave birth to her!"

dothraki Sun 24-Mar-13 01:16:33

MrsDv - this thread is so sad it breaks my heart.
How can a parent be so cruel to their own child ?
I am so very lucky - that the narcs I've had to endure have been so called friends, xh, abusive colleagues and now the one who is totally intent on destroying my life.
I had 2 wonderful parents who taught me good life skills. My dh does not know what to do - or how to cope with his adultchild trying to destroy us?
My gc has a life threating condition and they have been so very,very ill - narcky bitch is jealous that my gc - was granted a wish.
My wish is that my darling gc will out live me, my dd's wish is that her dc will live life - hopefully to adulthood.
I helped her when she was in dire straights - I lent her a bloody fortune - and she repaid me by being a spiteful bitch - I don't understand her motives.
I never hurt her. Her dad never hurt her. She has told countless lies about me and him. Why - just -fucking why ?
She is playing games sad
I thought my life was just getting so,so happy - and she is cheerfully destoying it.
I feel lost and confused angry
I finally thought my life was sorted - and she has taken a sledgehammer to our realtionship.
I hate her for that.
She is now trying to destroy dh's relationship with his ds.
FFS
I really do not know what to do next sadangry
I honestly believed that she would be so happy that her df had found happiness that she would be supportive of us.
Well I certainly got that wrong sad
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR winewinewine
Can we do cry hmmconfused

Moominsarehippos Sun 24-Mar-13 08:24:31

I suppose all you can do it look back, shake your head and look to your own children. Parent them the way you wish you'd been parented. Don't let the poisonous ones within a million miles of them.

My parents weren't perfect but my god, they had none of the spite, hatred or vitriol I've read there! Mums antics were more 'amusing' than sinister. She was a big spoiled daddys girl, so would stomp, strop and be very competative with us kids. She channeled Hyacinth Buckett but could be teased about it. She had poor health, and both had the stresses they must have had are only recognisable now we're adults. Neither had 'normal' parents. Dads were cold authoritarians and mums were just barking.

But some of these parents here are EVIL.

Lauralorna Sun 24-Mar-13 09:27:59

Amazing what stuff comes out of people's mouths to the people they are 'supposed' to love and care about the most!!! Long history of all of this kind of chat with both my parents - a recent classic was my Dad the night before a biiigggg job interview I had. I really wanted the job and it was a really big deal for me.

He rang me at 10.15pm (I needed to be up at 6 so was desperate to get an early night!) to say that 'he was phoning to say he would be thinking about me the next day, but that he wasn't going to wish me luck because HE didn't know how HE felt about me getting the job!'.

CLASSIC!!!!! :-)

Lauralorna Sun 24-Mar-13 09:28:40

Amazing what stuff comes out of people's mouths to the people they are 'supposed' to love and care about the most!!! Long history of all of this kind of chat with both my parents - a recent classic was my Dad the night before a biiigggg job interview I had. I really wanted the job and it was a really big deal for me.

He rang me at 10.15pm (I needed to be up at 6 so was desperate to get an early night!) to say that 'he was phoning to say he would be thinking about me the next day, but that he wasn't going to wish me luck because HE didn't know how HE felt about me getting the job!'.

CLASSIC!!!!! :-)

Moominsarehippos Sun 24-Mar-13 09:34:59

How can people be so un-self aware?

Hope you got the job!

Moominsarehippos Sun 24-Mar-13 09:39:12

Dot - is this your child doing this to the family?

You need to hit the self preserve button and cut her out. You deserve to be happy. If she's old enough to have a family, she's old enough to reap what she sows.

dothraki Sun 24-Mar-13 12:29:48

Moomins - it is my dh's adult d. I have been supportive of him. I said I would have to go no contact. I was so hurt and angry. She then decided to airbrush history and blames everything on me. If he decides to see her then I will still support him. He does feel betrayed by her actions and finds it hard to talk about it, he is conflicted. I am not conflicted. She has already said she has nothing to apologise for, now the rest of his family have taken her side. They are in her thrall.

arthriticfingers Sun 24-Mar-13 12:51:12

laura hope you got the job!

arthriticfingers Sun 24-Mar-13 12:56:12

Just remembered another one (ok ... have been watching CSI blush
For a long while, my mother decided that my 'outrageously bad behaviour'
confused on the full moon. Yes, she had decided I was a lunatic.

Doth-sad thanks

I wonder what the difference is between a bully and a narcissist. Are they not one and the same? The traits are very similar, I have noticed, so why the different labels? sad

<Big hugs> to all of us survivors♡

dothraki Sun 24-Mar-13 15:00:07

Crushed - that is something to ponder on
More importantly how did you do that cute little heart grin

Moominsarehippos Sun 24-Mar-13 15:14:57

&#9825;&#9825;&#9825;&#9825;&#9825;&#9825;&#9825;&#9825;&#9825;
Hee hee

Moominsarehippos Sun 24-Mar-13 15:15:34

Aw, shite!

dothraki-Select the SYM button (so to speak), then select the 1/2 symbol, then select again so it says 2/2 and its there. Mines a samsung galaxy tab2 keyboard if thats any help smile

moomin-what is it you were trying to say ? grin

arthritic, sorry, can't stop laughing at the full moon bit. It reminds me of the saying

' I used to be a werewolf, but I'm all right noooooooooooowwwwwwww'.

Sorry, I'm in such a daft mood todaygrin

dothraki, have you found the heart?

dothraki Sun 24-Mar-13 16:13:26

No I'm on a laptop and I don't even know what half these keys are for smile

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now