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Regale me with hilarious/ridiculous things that a narcissist or enabler has said to you....

(890 Posts)
Herrena Sat 16-Mar-13 12:25:15

I'll go first.

My DF acts as enabler for my narcissist M, although I doubt he's fully aware of this. We were discussing her and my god-awful childhood yesterday over skype when he dropped in this little gem:

'Well, you were so quiet. You didn't really defend yourself properly.'

shock What the actual fuck?!

I didn't really process the remark at the time but now I'm bloody fuming.

Go on, tell me yours. Let's laugh at the bastards and then maybe I won't spend the next week dwelling on my wrath

arthriticfingers Sat 16-Mar-13 15:48:31

sad Little

My mother the day after I had flown in to see them with my first child as a new baby:
"We are taking your sister's children to the beach for the day tomorrow. You won't be able to come because it is a stony beach not suitable for prams and we are taking them for a walk and an ice-cream"
I suppose we all have lots more where these came from

Thank goodness he's your "X" P Mewling

dimsum123 Sat 16-Mar-13 15:53:56

My mum when I complained about my bullying abusive dad, "Oh yes sorry, I should have stood up for myself more"!

And my bullying abusive dad who accused me of hacking into his emails to delete mail from his bridge club, told me that I was mad and needed to see a psychiatrist.

Both parents when I brought up my abusive neglect childhood told me to stop going on about it as they wanted to enjoy their retirement in peace! Err I would have quite liked to enjoy my childhood in peace too!

akaemmafrost Sat 16-Mar-13 15:56:37

When my sister had cancer my Mum moaned about how costly the petrol was to go and visit her so often in hospital shock. Even worse ALL my Dads petrol can be claimed on expenses because of his job. So what she really was doing was whining about spending money on petrol they'd be getting back three weeks later!

amistillsexy Sat 16-Mar-13 16:07:08

My mother, wagging her finger at me to complain about my having my own opinions (I'm in my 40s, by the way!), called me by my maiden name.
Me: "It's stillsexy now, Mum, I got married"
'D'M: "Yes, well that's another thing. How you could go and give up your father's name like that I'll never know. Trust you to do that."

I have a lovely husband who loves me, by the way!

arthriticfingers Sat 16-Mar-13 16:09:56

Similar story Emma
In my 20s, I was seriously ill in hospital for over 3 weeks.
None of my family came to see me, and, to this day, my mother complains about the cost of her telephone calls to the friend who DID come and see me.

akaemmafrost Sat 16-Mar-13 16:14:47

sad AF. Thing is I didn't even realise how bad it was till I told a friend who was horrified. To me that was "just how Mum is". Actually I normalised a lot of things that are horrendous about my dealings with her and actually had to have it pointed out to me how terrible it was.

I remember disagreeing with her about something relatively minor just "well I don't agree" and got tears, "why are you doing this?!!" and "have you been having counselling or something? Is that why you are attacking me?"

Just goes to show how little I ever stuck up for myself and obviously "disagreeing" is actually "attacking" confused.

amistillsexy Sat 16-Mar-13 16:16:03

Another from my 'D'M, when my youngest (of 3) was about 2:

"Now you'll understand what I mean when I say I love your sister the most. You always love the eldest the most!"

I'm the youngest of her 3 daughters, and yes, Mum, I did happen to notice you not really realising I existed as a child. I think she thought we'd finally found something in common that we could bond over hmm

AMmyBoys Sat 16-Mar-13 16:19:16

I had an abusive partner back in my country, he would always talk to me like I was rubbish, let alone how he treated me. One day, in tears, I asked him why was he doing this to me if I was always good and kind to him, his answer was:
"Well if you don't respect yourself why on earth am I going to respect you?" That sentence changed my life forever: I dried my tears, I pack my luggage and I move to England seeking a twat-free life.

amistillsexy Sat 16-Mar-13 16:20:39

emma I've been 'accused' of going to therapy as well.

Too right I'm in bloody therapy! I wouldn't be here without it!

The latest gem is about my niece, who has an eating disorder, enabled by my DSis and DM...DM has decided to not allow her to come for her regular tea time with us this week...because she always eats her tea at our house, and it's bad for her to eat at our house and not at home! sad

Don't even get me started on why my DM is making decisions about her granddaughter instead of her own mother!

LesserOfTwoWeevils Sat 16-Mar-13 16:20:48

Ex: "I don't get jealous because I can't imagine someone liking another person more than me."

DM's response to my having anorexia: "What are you trying to do to me?"
DF's response: "You have to snap out of it because you're giving me headaches."

greeneyed Sat 16-Mar-13 16:21:37

All very familiar - DM on why she never called home whilst she was working away (in the week) for 5 years when we were 12ish. " i couldn't call home because it upset me too much to speak to your (younger)sister" We were home alone with alcoholic, abusive father sad

amistillsexy Sat 16-Mar-13 16:21:50

Woo-Hoo! Good for you, AMmyboys. I hope it's working out for you. Well done you! thanks

arthriticfingers Sat 16-Mar-13 16:23:03

Emma, but we should not have to stand up for ourselves against those who are supposed to protect us. sad
I think I always did understand how bad it was.
Just felt that it had to be kept hidden like some ugly secret that was my fault.
The only person I ever told in RL was my abusive FWEX - I will leave the effect that had to the imagination ...

greeneyed Sat 16-Mar-13 16:23:34

And yes I am always "too sensitive" and "attacking her" if I ever call her on anything I really just don't bother anymore, just take deep breaths smile

amistillsexy Sat 16-Mar-13 16:24:55

Lesser sad
My DM said similar to my DN this week..."You'd better snap out of this soon. It's making me ill!"

akaemmafrost Sat 16-Mar-13 16:27:21

I also get "why are you doing this?" whispered in a pathetic sad little voice as though I am attacking her with a Cat o nine tails! Instead of just saying "well actually I think you're wrong to say that women in abusive relationships should be stronger, then it wouldn't happen to them" (yes really!)

AMmyBoys Sat 16-Mar-13 16:29:13

Thank you amistillsexy smile. I now have two wonderful DS and a 99% of the time perfect DH. I couldn't have done better grin

Skyebluesapphire Sat 16-Mar-13 16:38:33

"The trouble with me is that I'm just a really nice bloke"

Said by XH on the day that he walked out with no prior warning.

Hattifattner Sat 16-Mar-13 16:39:10

greeneyed - Yes! I too am "too sensitive" when I call her on anything. WHen Im not being "cold" for not reacting with sufficient sympathy for her imagined illnesses.

Not so much said as done....my DM came over to "help" at the birth of DC3. She arrived when I was 35 weeks and booked her return flight for 3 weeks later - ie when I was 38 weeks. Thanks for the help mum.

buildingmycorestrength Sat 16-Mar-13 16:51:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrazyOldCatLady Sat 16-Mar-13 16:54:42

DM: 'I'm glad you don't have post natal depression after having DC2. You made everyone's lives very difficult the last time.'

DM: 'I can't possibly take DC1 while you visit DC2 in hospital, I'm far too tired after all the stress of him nearly dying at birth.'

DM: 'I've asked the NICU staff to make an exception to the ban on grandparents visiting without parents; we can't be expected to only visit when you're available.' There were 22 other babies in there at the time, so possibly 45 other sets of grandparents obeying the rules. But my parents were, of course, more important than any of them.

DM: 'I'm so glad you've finally done something to make me proud!' - after a choral concert, in front of the whole choir (and I wasn't particularly good, they would probably have been better without me!). I was 19.

DM: 'I'm so glad you're pregnant, I just wish you were having twins so I could have one.'

DM: 'Don't have any more children, I can't cope with any more grandchildren.' (She has two)

DM: 'I'm so glad DC2 is a boy, I was very disappointed when you turned out to be a girl.' (and many, many other variations on this theme)

dimsum123 Sat 16-Mar-13 16:55:22

Yes I was being oversenstive when I felt upset that my sister told me about her pregnancy many weeks after she told our other sister. And I'd spent ages on the phone to her listening to her problems when other sister was too busy and had no time for her.

And the reason she told our other sister first was because she lived nearer to her. Ok so suddenly now you can't pick up the phone, it only works when you want something from me.

arthriticfingers Sat 16-Mar-13 17:02:11

Crazy I don't know whether your post made me want to laugh or cry!

dimsum123 Sat 16-Mar-13 17:09:23

And I also had normalized a lot of my family's nastiness. Was only when DH heard them and I had my own DCs that I started realising how awful they were.

My dad once told me totally seriously that because I had eczema I had to marry anyone that would have me but my sisters could and should be a lot more choosy.

And this was after I had married DH so insulting him and me in one sentence and with NO idea of the impact of what he had said.

I know why now he always preferred my sisters to me. Because of my skin. No unconditional love there then.

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