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Brain bleach required

(16 Posts)
Mosman Sat 16-Mar-13 09:41:41

When does it stop ? The imagining him stroking her hair, the wondering if she organsmed with him, if he took his wedding ring off to fuck them.
Why can't I stop picking the scabs ?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 16-Mar-13 10:57:34

Has he gone from your life or is he still around?

Concentrateonthegood Sat 16-Mar-13 11:04:31

I can remember feeling these things also. It is pure agony. I didn't stay with my cheating husband and I still went through these emotions. It took a long time. It will lessen over time. Bless you xx

Mosman Sat 16-Mar-13 11:07:31

He's still here going nowhere for months due to circumstances

Concentrateonthegood Sat 16-Mar-13 11:10:41

So, are you separated but living together through circumstances? Is he still involved with someone else or has that stopped?

meditrina Sat 16-Mar-13 11:13:19

It's not picking at scabs: it's the need to know in the (possibly vain) hope that you will come to understand what is currently beyond comprehension. Sometimes imaginings are worse than knowledge, and sometimes the shock of discovery has a protective effect (IYSWIM) when making further discoveries.

You do however need to think about whether you really want to know the answer before you ask. And consider if the response you get is likely to have any truth in it.

As you seem to have decided on separation, then I think you should be finding ways to make it happen and quickly. It might be difficult (and cost him money), but that is simply part of the consequences of his choices.

Snuffleupicus Sat 16-Mar-13 11:13:53

What's worked for me on unwelcome thoughts.

Imagine you are a tree. Grounded.
And it's raining. Washing away the dirt and dust and grime.

That's it.

something2say Sat 16-Mar-13 11:35:03

How love snuffle!!! Especially since it is raining outside!

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 16-Mar-13 11:44:11

If he's still there it's not a scab it's an open wound. Much easier to stop thinking about someone when they're not physically present, you'll find. 'Out of sight, out of mind'.

onefewernow Sat 16-Mar-13 11:46:16

What helped me was to try to realise that the need to know is just a form of trying to control ones own feelings of rejection and abandonment ( IYSWIM) - he didn't actually leave.

If you analyse it, what extra information would it give you, whatever he did. The 'why' is interesting though. At the time people told me that I was over giving on who he was and why he did what he did, at the expense of myself.

In fact I think it's a stage you just go through. Thinking about him and his motivations actually helped me see what he did as rather sad, but at the same time I was in no doubt about the effect it had has on me.

If you can't get beyond this stage Mos, read Pittman on philanderers. Because that is the type of infidelity your h does, for sure.

onefewernow Sat 16-Mar-13 11:48:13

http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/articlesbeyond_betrayal.htm

Mosman Sat 16-Mar-13 12:04:16

He's not with her, it happened September 2011 which I suppose is something. She thought it was all dead and buried but they were still in touch via email and text even now she's in the UK we are in Australia.
He said she knew the score and he was never leaving me for her, almost wish she was the love of his life and worth all this shit.

ScumbagCollegeDropout Sat 16-Mar-13 13:47:12

Mosman.

I have been following your plight because I am a fellow perthie.

I am so sorry to hear it all.

He is an utter twunt. And you are well rid.

I had to live with my STBXH for a few months and it was shit.

Nearly a year on I have met someone (OD) who currently rocks my world.

There is a clearing in all of this. It may take a while but you will get there smile

Mosman Sun 17-Mar-13 00:12:21

Is he an Aussie scumbagcollegedropout ? I'm having very mixed experiences with Aussie men they seem very possessive so far

ScumbagCollegeDropout Sun 17-Mar-13 03:43:09

He is an Aussie but with british roots wink

No possessiveness so far. My ex was. But new bloke is laid back like me. They are out there smile

Mosman Sun 17-Mar-13 10:14:19

Thank you I've met some right ones so far and if I read another match profile about camping I'll scream. I hate fucking camping

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