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Heart thumping - read DHs Facebook message

(137 Posts)
50000feet Mon 11-Mar-13 21:07:48

Picked up the computer to check emails and DH was still logged on. Didn't realise at first as rubbish emails but clicked on FB messages. He's been messaging an old girlfriend from 20 years ago. Not the issue but when she asked if he was in a relationship, he denied me and said No, and now they're reminiscing about sex. It hurts he denied me, especially when we've been together 11 years. We had a break 6 months ago but are supposed to be taking it slowly and getting back to normal. He messages her on Saturday saying he remembered her nails in his back! But this was 30 mins before we had sex. My hearts thumping!

50000feet Mon 11-Mar-13 23:35:30

Believe me he doesn't look like he used to either. He had lovely thick black hair then! Lol -think I have had far too much wine now!

notthesamenametoday Mon 11-Mar-13 23:38:37

grin

Bluelightsandsirens Mon 11-Mar-13 23:42:51

grin best to do nothing tonigh and then wait for him to come back and talk to him. It may be nothing more than an ego boost (ok if you are happy to deal with that) it may be more but without snooping further knowing more now your best bet is to go to bed.

50000feet Mon 11-Mar-13 23:52:09

Night all, will think again in the morning, thanks for replying! :-)

Monty27 Tue 12-Mar-13 00:27:48

Addendum to my previous post

5000 I was in the same situation, didn't need him financially.

I forgot to say that he put his mobile number on there and there were no further messages between either (in the space of 10 months from the message and me inadvertently seeing it). But whether or not they had been in contact by mobile I don't know. I just wasn't risking it.

I told him about seeing it <honest> he was very angry, it wasn't my fault, I thought it was my fb.....

His reaction was enough. Goodbye, can't trust ya.

sar1133 Tue 12-Mar-13 06:06:12

Next time he rings have gold playin in background and tell him he accidentally left his fb logged in!

On a more serious note I would probably dig too. Probably a bored housewife. And he is having his ego boosted too. However the denial would crucify me too.

AnyFucker Tue 12-Mar-13 11:37:45

how grubby

how can you still have respect for a partner that acts like this ?

and what does it do to your own self respect if you minimise it, make excuses for it and accept meaningless apologies?

< shakes head in bewilderment >

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 12-Mar-13 11:47:08

" I don't actually need him for myself or my kids to live"

That's the problem here. You don't need him and he doesn't need you. Flirting with exes and pretending to be single is just an indication of where he sees the relationship i.e.... it's optional. You're two independent people that happen to be together rather than a team. If you want to make a go of it as a couple you have to decide between you whether it's serious enough to make a commitment or that it was a mistake to get back together

NotTreadingGrapes Tue 12-Mar-13 13:58:41

The issue here isn't whether he's gagging to be 20 again, or wants to see his ex, or won't, or might, or is still with you OP, or that it's "easy on FB".

The issue is he has denied your existence. That's how much he thinks of you.
He has told his ex that the 11 yrs you have been together never happened.

Does that not make you feel like grabbing a tiny bit of your self respect back with both hands and running for the hills?

forgetmenots Tue 12-Mar-13 14:16:28

Applause for the last three posts, I thought it was just me! Why is this acceptable? I realise it won't be make-or-break for everyone but it's a serious act of disrespect and cocklodgery!

50000feet Tue 12-Mar-13 19:06:16

Been thinking about this all day, did some snooping and he's messaged her again, this time I logged into his account. The words are killing me and I can't unread them. He's text me three times today and phoned 3 times, haven't picked up or relied. sad

SugarPasteGreyhound Tue 12-Mar-13 19:12:18

So sorry OP, I imagine what he said was pretty damaging.

Un-MN hugs. He's a bastard and you deserve better.

Dottiespots Tue 12-Mar-13 19:18:22

Hi OP.....I thought that this might happen. O god. You have read some horrible stuff havnt you.......? Im sorry......! Do you want to tell us ....sad

Dottiespots Tue 12-Mar-13 19:23:07

what you going to do? Id be tempted to text him and say "I know everything about you and your ex girlfriend. All your stuff is waiting for you. You wont be living here anymore.

SugarPasteGreyhound Tue 12-Mar-13 19:27:17

Do you want to confront him, or wait until he's back?

I would suggest - if you can bear to - that you dig about through his online history, mobile bills etc., as this may provide a but more detail or proof for you if you do decide to confront him.

Unfortunately men like this will often lie and lie until theory are presented with the evidence of their deception. Even then it's common for them to only tell you as little as they can get away with. So it's worth trying to do the investigating before they know that you know, as once the cat's out if the bag, they tend to be much more stringent about their phones, passwords etc.

50000feet Tue 12-Mar-13 19:31:23

Oh dear, my anger just got the better of me. Have sent him a horrible text! That's it - can't come back from that!

Timetoask Tue 12-Mar-13 19:38:19

Mid life crisis, for both the idiot h and the idiot old girl friend. Why do people destroy their good lives like this I will never understand.

50000feet Tue 12-Mar-13 19:39:28

Just messages her on Facebook and introduced myself and told her I might share with her husband - I'm fuming!

Xales Tue 12-Mar-13 19:42:43

OK step away from the keyboard texts now.

What you have done is understandable, it is enough though. Bloody annoying as it is don't let yourself be lowered by their actions.

/hugs

tametortie Tue 12-Mar-13 19:49:38

I think I would do the same....

What did you say to him? Any reply?

I would be fuming also.

Dottiespots Tue 12-Mar-13 19:52:48

haha....O...OP...what a rush you must have had!!!! I would have done exactly the same. What a feeling. Are you ok?

Snazzynewyear Tue 12-Mar-13 19:53:43

Quickly take copies or screenshots of the messages you found though so he can't deny it's been happening.

Has he responded to your message? I would be putting his stuff in bin bags while you wait. So disrespectful.

Dottiespots Tue 12-Mar-13 19:54:07

I know its not funny but I also know at that very minute you did it there would have been a feeling of power.

SugarPasteGreyhound Tue 12-Mar-13 19:54:40

Agree with xales. It's so tempting to scream bloody murder now but it won't make you feel any better. Plus if you do this he will use your behaviour against you to dodge the issue of his.

Try and remember as well that she didn't know he is married - he's the one that has lied.

Stropzilla Tue 12-Mar-13 19:54:57

I hope youre ok OP. what a shocker and not surprised you sent messages. Im sure you were more restrained than I would have been.

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