Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Fantastic date, but.....aibu?

(81 Posts)
theendishere Wed 06-Mar-13 01:05:59

Just had date 2 with a gorgeous guy who ticks all the boxes, except.....

date 1 - went for drinks, he bought first round, I bought second - ok with that although most guys recently bought all the drinks
date 2 - went for dinner (his suggestion) bill came, I offered to pay half, he accepted with no hesitation. AIBU to be a little surprised by this?

saintmerryweather Wed 06-Mar-13 14:57:49

If you met a woman you would like to get to know better as a friend and invited her to coffee one day would you expect to pay for her? After all, you have arranged the date and invited her. if someone tried to do that i would see them as desperate, not chivalrous

deedotty Wed 06-Mar-13 15:19:07

I do think its not a gender/feminism/man-woman issue but just a general etiquette, if you're in a situation with different income levels, think ahead and check that the poorest person can afford the option one? hmm

Seen this a few times in non-dating situations, and for me, it always reflects badly on the organiser.

Someone I knew in sixth form - for 18th SHE wanted a party abroad and then everyone was fretting about getting a few hundred quid for tickets or being left out (we're talking A level students at an average school). We paid for something we didn't want in the first place confused - all would've been happy with a night down the local dive pub and chipping in for a cake!

Or night out in London - bankers on the same night out as student types. Bankers lead everyone into a situation where they get a long cab journey, extend somewhere REALLY expensive, order bottles for the table, and then all the students are going erm, err, yeah sure I’ve got money no problem .

No-one wants to be that twat who makes a scene when the bill comes, BUT it is bad form when richer members in a social situation are thoughtless and expect everyone to rise to their level. Especially where people don't know each other that well so aren't comfortable with saying they're skint or whatever?

@Ithaka Thanks for your comment, I’m fairly content with myself and my emotions and my dating adventures and choices, and INCREDIBLY certain I wouldn’t fancy you or yours or want to take any lessons from the way you "deal" with life and your relationships grin

It’s the fucking Internet, we’re all anonymous names on a screen - the point for me is sharing my past and present experiences/feelings as openly and honestly as possible, not creating some perfect image of myself!

I’m fine IRL - even when I'm down - I have no need to create an online persona to prove to random people on the Internet I’m better/happier/more sorted than them.

If YOU have to log on just to be angry at strangers, then maybe you should spend time working on yourself and your Real Life as you are really reeking of projecting your own bitterness from something?

So, we’re pretty much evens in our opinions of each other wink I'd say I've DEFINITELY seen a social Red Flag for you grin Oh - this is my last comment to you, as I don't really fancy a tit-for-tat with some random angry. Ta ta.

eccentrica Wed 06-Mar-13 16:30:44

cherriesarelovely Trust me, you don't need to be gay to think this is sexist and archaic!

Everyone, male or female, friends or lovers, should be sensitive to other people's ability to pay but to expect the man to pay for you - to be honest I had no idea anyone still subscribed to that idea in 2013.

ithaka Wed 06-Mar-13 16:32:10

Wow deedotty, that is a long and heated response to my pithy observations...I think I'll just carefully back away from the ranty person on the thread....

Fooso Wed 06-Mar-13 16:44:35

Common sense says "why shouldn't you pay half " but I think it's lovely to be taken on a date and have dinner bought for you - its makes you feel its a bit special and the guy is trying to impress you ... BUT... as previous posters have said, once the first couple of dates are out of the way its 50/50 alll the way...

IloveJudgeJudy Thu 07-Mar-13 00:11:32

Gosh. I'm sure I'm older than a lot of you on here, but I cannot believe the old-fashioned views that are being expressed. So the man asks you on a date and he has to pay everything? So, you are all so equal that you ask men on dates now 50% of the time?

Why should the man pay everything. Surely it should be half and half. DH and I married 2o years ago and when we first started dating, on the first few dates, we shared the cost and after that, he paid then I paid. Now, as we're married, it's all one big pot.

I have two DSs and I despair of some females nowadays. It's the same attitude that says that schoolgirls may hit boys, but they may not hit them back as they would be called women beaters. It's a disgraceful attitude.

Surely, if we want to be equal, then everything should be equal. No one should hit anyone else and payment for dates should be shared.

So, in response, OP, it's no red flag. You should have offered and yes, he should have accepted.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now