I am a regular MNer but name changed. I think the thread about men being self entitled and selfish in bed has pushed me to post. I have never posted in relationships, but lurked and read with interest.
I am so full of resentment. I feel like I have been lied to - conned even. This is the second marriage for both of us. We have a 2year old DS. MyDH is from a strict catholic background, and I am convinced that he is a gay man in denial. I honestly don't think anything will ever make him admit it.
Our sex life is now nonexistent, prior to that it was appalling. We haven't even attempted anything for going on two years. The last time, he "tried" was after yet another conversation I instigated about our lack of intimacy. I woke up the next morning, to find him attempting to have sex with me, whilst I was still asleep - but he couldn't raise to the occasion so to speak and I found it rather disturbing to have him trying.
Right from the beginning of our relationship, he has been unable to do anything apart from jump on top and its over in about 30 seconds. Assurances were given about how it would "get better". I smiled grimly at some of the suggestions on the other thread about teaching what you like etc etc etc . I have done it all. I have never even had a proper snog!
When I talked to him in the past, he admits to not like touching the female body. Foreplay, kissing - forget it. I get the impression that his previous relationships were no better. His first wife had an affair. I think that he is a good man in most other way, but unfortunately, as I'm sure you will all tell me is the case, this has leaked over into the rest of our life.
I am starting to despise him, and its getting harder for me to hide. His idea of affection, is like how you would treat your mother. A gentle kiss on the forehead that type of thing. I avoid that now.
Its turned me from someone with a healthy sex drive, into someone who is angry. I cannot even "do it myself" anymore. It makes me cry and get angry. It makes me feel humiliated.
Its not like he is camp (not meaning that to be insulting). I am 100% sure he would never act on any gay feelings he may have. Its just so obvious to me that he is a gay man, who will never admit it. I do have my reasons beyond him finding the female body repulsive, but am not going into them for fear of outing myself.
I don't know what to do. I thought he was such an attractive man, now I look at him and know that I won't touch him again. I have no wish to.
I felt that perhaps I could live this way, but I think I will have to tell him I want seperate rooms, I can't even bare him brushing up against me.
He has talked in the past about erectile disfunction, and even went so far as to go to the doctors. I don't believe him. Neither did the Doctor, who after tests stated that it was mental not physical and suggested that he/we get some counselling. I refused, and he didn't want to. I think my reason was that I was scared of confronting the truth.
I feel so much anger. What shall I do? Oh and my figure has gone to pot. I am a serious comfort eater now, who has a weight problem, I think maybe that I'm using that as a form of protection - if that makes sense? Makes me feel unavailable and thats fine.
Please don't just tell me to leave the bastard. It isn't always that simple.
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Relationships
Pretty convinced my DH is a gay man in denial.
Nothingthere · 05/03/2013 13:04
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