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I don't want to be worrying about this (stag do situation)

(29 Posts)
LollyPop87 Tue 05-Mar-13 12:04:51

My dp is going away for two night for his brother's stag do this summer. I love him so much and trust him 100%. I know deep down that I don't have anything to worry about, but I've never been in a situation where a partner has gone on a stag do, and its starting to play on my mind.

I'd prefer if this didn't turn into a debate about stag do's, as I think everyone has an opinion which should be respected. The idea of a strip club makes me feel very uncomfortable, but I have mentioned that I would not stop him, as it's not my place to stop him from doing anything! My dp (who has attended a couple of stag do's) said he has never been to a strip club and has no interest in them.

I said that I saw private dances as very inappropriate. He asked what a private dance actually was, I explained, and he said he wouldn't have seen that as inappropriate himself, but said that if it made me feel better, if the opportunity for a private dance ever presented itself, he would say no.

So far, there has been no mention of strippers for this stag do, but I don't know if they are part of the plan and it just hasn't been mentioned to me.

I know I don't have to worry. Even if there is a strip club, I know I can trust him and he respects my boundaries.

I think the reason I'm worried, is that the weekend he is going is actually my birthday (he feels bad about this, but I said it was ok, because I know there are a lot of guys going, and they were realy struggling to find a date when everyone was free)

If it was a normal weekend he was going l would just keep busy and give myself permission to have a bit of silly irrational worry (I don't even know what I'm actually worrying about! Writing this is actually making me realise how silly I'm being!) but I don't want to worry on my birthday, I want to feel happy and relaxed.

I being silly, I know. Does anyone understand how I feel? My dp is just lovely, very trustworthy and honest.

I do sometimes worry about getting hurt, maybe that doesn't help!

ClippedPhoenix Tue 05-Mar-13 20:10:21

What's the point in having a relationship if you don't trust him?

Blimey, I have never ever stopped my DP doing anything and vice versa.

If I told DP I was going on hen weekend he'd say enjoy yourself and give me a call if you need me.

Come to think of it, he's off to a Butlins adult weekend in a couple of weeks, I've been to one recently and yes, it's a binge drinking shagfest for some, so what? I trust him.

badinage Tue 05-Mar-13 22:24:25

All this talk of 'peer pressure' makes me laugh in a wry sort of way. None of these so-called sheep ever admit to being the ones who are doing the pressurising do they? They'd prefer their partners to think they've got no backbone and would follow their mates over a cliff, than admit to being the instigators.

How women can respect these sorts of men is a mystery to me. As is why the hell no-one ever seems to challenge why it's regarded as essential for men to use the sex industry on a night out. It's not compulsory, it's not clever and according to a lot of men, it's not enjoyable seeing hard-earned money being wasted on overpriced drinks and adding to the bulging wallets of the fat-cat pimps who run these places. It's also a massive feat of propaganda that women fear being seen as 'controlling' more than they fear having the self-esteem and backbone to object to these displays of misogyny.

Darkesteyes Tue 05-Mar-13 22:26:51

Absolutely spot on badinage. Totally agree.

ButternutSquish Wed 06-Mar-13 16:31:29

Obviously I was and still am very angry with him about it. I asked him not to do it and he still did. I can't defend that angry

Do I believe he wouldn't do it again? Yes, I do. I don't think he fully understood up to that point how much it would, and did affect me. I was truly distraught and I know he felt very bad afterwards about it.

For him it was a bit of harmless fun, for me it was devastating. He understands this now

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