Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

This is SHITTY BEHAVIOUR, RIGHT?

(26 Posts)
GhettoMermaid Mon 04-Mar-13 23:06:14

Hello. Namechanged as STBXDP knows my login.

Horrible, shitty fucking year. XDP and I broke up in January after drifting apart since the birth of our DD in 2010 and my severe PND which followed. I sought help and have been managing much better recently, but have needed to make a lot of lifestyle changes in order to do so.

Sadly our relationship wasn't going to survive and we agreed amicably to split. We are currently living with XDP's inlaws as we moved here so he could attend college and save money (XDP is 30, so not a 'young' student). He assured me D and I could stay as long as we needed and that there was no rush for me to leave.

Despite the amicable split the responsibility - both financial and physical - of moving has fallen to me despite him working full time and paying minimal rent to his mother. He won't help me at all, as he claims I don't HAVE to move out. He seems quite happy having us both here sleeping in seperate bedrooms.

I have been applying for jobs in my hometown and trying to seek accomodation (not easy as single mum on benefits sad ) and really been trying to keep positive. Found out in January that my DFather is terminally ill, so looking forward to being closer to family.

So not the ideal situation, but not the worst. On the positive side it gives me room to save and look for work without panic.

Only last week XDP changed - became bouyant and happy and just 'different'. It was the morning after a night out (he came in at 4am) so the devil in me checked his phone. I know, I know, right?

He's seeing someone. It seems to be early days, lots of arrangements to meet, ego stroking, lovely little messages to each other, all that shit.

I can't explain how it made me feel. Flushed and sick. I don't love him, I don't want him back. I just want him to wait until we have FUCKING MOVED OUT before he moves on. Is that unreasonable? He doesn't know that I know, obviously. They have a vague arrangement to meet tomorrow so I will see what he says then.

I just feel shit. With my dad, and no money, home or job and a wonderful little DD who deserves brilliant things in her life I just. Feel. Shit.

Hopingtobehappy Wed 06-Mar-13 11:08:20

'hopingtobehappy that is a deeply insensitive post. If he was pulling his weight to support the OP to move out, then it would still be quite tactless of you'

Sorry if it came across as insensitive, I was trying to put it across from the other side, where I have been.

In fairness, they are separated, they owe each other nothing with regards to their 'relationship' and its a bonus as far as I am concerned that he is considering her feelings, hopefully that means they can have a good relationship for the sake of their child going forward.

I went out of my way to ensure that what I was doing in my own time did not impact my children or my Ex. I was very hurt that he felt it was OK to snoop on my phone and then have a go at me for it !

It sounds to me like the OP's ex is trying his hardest to NOT hurt her! if he was flaunting it in her face I would feel very differently, but he isnt.

As the OP said there is no 'date' set for her moving out, so I can understand how difficult it all is, but I stand by what I said, I think they should both be attempting to move on, as long as feelings are considered all around (for the ex's and the child) then I dont see what the problem is :-)

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now