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Lonely

(66 Posts)
secretofcrickleyhall Sun 03-Mar-13 18:53:49

It's a difficult feelings isn't it? Does anybody else sometimes just feel so incredibly lonely?

I find Sundays the worst for it, especially Sunday nights sad

onthelastlegtohome Sun 03-Mar-13 21:08:33

sounds as if you are not busy enough? - if you are busy your thoughts are occupied and you don't have time to feel alone very much.

the worst of it might be that you are imagining everyone else is playing happy families, that's only in your head,

Or if that is not it, what about listening to some audio books whilst you are doing housework/driving alone/spending time alone at home/ you could get so engrossed in the story that hours fly past and you don't even think about being alone. I Love my audio books, and listen to them on my ipod whilst doing my chores at home or out walking. You can get all sorts to suit your taste - thrillers, romances, historical sagas, serious educational stuff.. from the library or by subscription.

secretofcrickleyhall Sun 03-Mar-13 21:13:30

Onthe - hard to say really smile I do have a number of friends and value them greatly, but the problem is that weekends tend to be 'family' time and it can be difficult getting around that. I would tend to say that on average I am 'busy' one weekend out of every three.

I don't get on with audiobooks, although I love reading - I switch off and find I miss something in the story, then have to go back grin

I don't think it's true that everyone is playing happy families but I do think that weekends are family time, happy or not.

thekidsrule Sun 03-Mar-13 21:23:58

agree,though this has made me less so

last week found out partner (now ex) of 4yrs had cheated on me yet again angry

ive 3 boys (not his) and am fairly busy but feel incredibly lonley and sad and feel its me and them only

anyway it must be horrible to be with somebody and still feel lonley

CrispyHedgeHog Sun 03-Mar-13 21:26:04

Not even had that kind of talk Secret

I don't mind it at the moment tbh. It's doing me good to spend time with myself and find out who I am after years of being someone's wife/mum/girlfriend/partner etc etc

I've been pottering all weekend, making grand plans that will never come to fruition, watching crap on tv, it's only the last couple of hours that I've felt a bit bored I think.

I did doze off the on the sofa earlier and thought someone kissed me on the cheek.. that woke me up because it felt very real. Odd.

secretofcrickleyhall Sun 03-Mar-13 21:56:54

I dozed off earlier as well, and had a strange dream - not so much a dream as a sort of montage of images. It was really, really odd.

I haven't ever been a wife, mum, girlfriend or partner and perhaps that's why I feel as I do - I know, of course I know, not all relationships are ideal, but the loneliness of knowing that not even one person in the world would really miss you if you weren't around does really mess with your head sad

dippymother Sun 03-Mar-13 21:57:48

I agree re weekend loneliness. One of the recurring problems with most of us at the bereavement support group was feeling lonely at the weekend because "everyone else" was with their families. I'm wondering if there is some sort of "club/society" you could try which does meet at the weekend. There are "Meet Ups" in my area (London) for people on their own - if you google it, there seem to be many offshoots for varying interests.

pigsDOfly Sun 03-Mar-13 21:59:21

Just come back on here. Someone rang me oddly enough.

Just seen you post Cozietoesie. I've never apologised to the television but I certainly comment if I'm listening to a discussion on the radio, or tv. Fortunately, I haven't got the stage at which the television answers me back.

dippymother Sun 03-Mar-13 22:01:12

Cross post again, sorry!

lydiamama Sun 03-Mar-13 22:05:48

I am very alone and lonely here, specially today. The only real company I have is my little girl, and she is asleep now.

myroomisatip Sun 03-Mar-13 22:06:24

It seems crazy that so many of us feel the same and there is so little we can do about it!

I just thank God for MN it occupies so much of my time smile and it can really make me laugh when all I want to do is cry!

pigsDOfly Sun 03-Mar-13 22:06:43

Meet ups at the weekend is a very good idea Dippymother. Maybe you should start one for all of us.

A lot of colleges run one day courses on Saturdays throughout the year. Some of the courses often being less run of the mill than longer term courses. One I remember I quite fancied doing was a one day course to learn 'building a wall'.

Never did it, as I didn't have room in my garden for a wall so felt it would have been a bit pointless, but it really appealed.

cjel Sun 03-Mar-13 22:07:18

I find by sunday night I am ok, I have been to church in morning and am ready for the week ahead - ever the optomist!! but fridays when I come home sometimes I'm in tears by the time I get here because I know I won't see anyone all weekend!!

secretofcrickleyhall Sun 03-Mar-13 22:09:13

cjel, poor you sad I look forward to Friday nights but by Sunday I am generally tearing my hair out! Holidays as well are very very tricky for me and during last summer holiday I think I actually started to suffer from depression due to spending the majority of it alone. I did see people of course but I still averaged about six days out of every seven alone, at a guess.

dippymother Sun 03-Mar-13 22:18:56

Solos and Just You are holiday companies catering for people on their own, should that be of interest?

secretofcrickleyhall Sun 03-Mar-13 22:21:08

Thanks dippy - I really don't think I'd enjoy a holiday alone, to be honest, but thanks smile

myroomisatip Sun 03-Mar-13 22:24:40

aww hugs to everybody out there who is feeling down.

I have even begun to avidly watch Colin Fry and Sally Morgan, because I just hope that my mum and dad are around me, even if I cant see them. Sometimes I (self consciously) talk to them.

My kids are young adults now, so often I go to bed at night and the house is empty and when I get up, it is still empty. I am glad they are out and having fun, that is as it should be but it sucks. They dont need me any more. No one does.

Really. Am I supposed to take pleasure in having the sofa, t.v. and remote to myself at night, while scoffing chocolate and drinking wine? sad

cjel Sun 03-Mar-13 22:24:45

Thank you, Its not as bad as its sounds!!! Honest!!! I think I can have tendancy to depression if I don't make effort to have regular company.Although I do need my space as well!! I have really busy life and diverse friendships but there is something about not having a really good special person that doesn't sit easy with me.

Bakingnovice Sun 03-Mar-13 22:42:14

I hope I don't offend anyone by saying this, but I wish I could come around and visit you all at the weekends and put my arms around you and tell you that there are people who care. I care. Lots of other mnetters care. I can't imagine not speaking to another person all weekend. This thread is actually very moving.

cjel Sun 03-Mar-13 22:44:48

No offence taken. In my case I have 28yr old son who lives with me and dd and 5 gc who are always in and out but somehow Its that special person I miss! Thank you for caring its appreciated.x

pigsDOfly Sun 03-Mar-13 23:08:50

Absolutely, Cjel. It's that special person.

I have children who I speak to and see all the time and I'm pretty independent and love living by myself, well with the dog and the cat.

I'm not sure I'd even want to live with another person now. It's just having someone special to share things with.

cjel Sun 03-Mar-13 23:15:09

I moved to my lovely new home in august and have spent ages ripping out bedrooms bathrooms kithcens etc and I thought the other day that I'm not sure I'd want to share it with other half now!!!

secretofcrickleyhall Sun 03-Mar-13 23:26:44

I know what you mean cjel but another part of me does sort of feel excluded from 'normal' life really. I don't have children and I do feel quite anxious/depressed sometimes at what the future holds.

allaflutter Sun 03-Mar-13 23:49:05

OP, sorry if this isn't tactful, but do you have a health issue which prevents you forming relationships? if so, there must be support groups or people in similar circs? I really sympathise though, I'm also single now with no dc (though I was married and had BFs), and it's very comforting to read this thread and to know I'm not the only one feeling alone and cut off in some way in the eves/w-ends. I really do want a new r-ship but it's so hard to find the person who really could be that precious close soulmate/friend. I'd defo rather be alone then with just anyone. I realise I may not meet anyone for a while.

It's hard in winter - I think you can always fill your days with travelling around and chatting to people superficailly on w/ends, seeing new places in the UK or further, when the days are long. Winters is my bugbear as I do get bored, and my energy is down, and just feel isolated. I do some social stuff but it's hard work to prise frends from their familly lives! I think if you feel really bad about living alone long-term, with no prospect of a partner, you could flat/house-share! it really can be a very constructive step, with someone who also is a mature single. Quite a few 40+ people now do this, worth considering. Or live with relatives if they are amenable (though I personally wouldn't).

I often go Sundays without seeing or speaking to anyone. As others have said, I have lots of friends but Sundays is 'family time'

secretofcrickleyhall Sun 03-Mar-13 23:58:04

Allaflutter, no, no health issues. smile I didn't know there were any that stopped people forming relationships! I DO have many friends, it is just like I say, at weekends they tend to be tied up with their own husbands/DCs.

Unfortunately I have no surviving relatives I could live with. I own my own home and like owning it. I just wish I had a 'normal' life (and 'normal' in this country at least does assume children/partner, at least at my age!)

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