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Lonely

(66 Posts)
secretofcrickleyhall Sun 03-Mar-13 18:53:49

It's a difficult feelings isn't it? Does anybody else sometimes just feel so incredibly lonely?

I find Sundays the worst for it, especially Sunday nights sad

StuffezLaBouche Sun 03-Mar-13 19:05:27

I do too sometimes. Much as i love my house, my space etc., i do wish i had someone to cuddle up with and feel all butterfly-ish about. Hey ho tho. :-(

Same.
secret - do you mean lonely in a relationship, or lonely alone?
I've been in a relationship where i've never felt as lonely in my whole life. I'm now single, and whereas often lonely (single parent, no real friends etc) it's much more preferable than being in a relationship like that again.

I was just thinking the exact same OP! Still, rather be alone than unhappy

secretofcrickleyhall Sun 03-Mar-13 19:19:49

Lonely alone for me. I definitely agree that it's better to be lonely alone than to be in a bad relationship - have a lot of sympathy for those in that position. All the same, I feel like a large section of life is sometimes cut off to me. Things like going out for a meal, going on holiday, weekends away are all aimed at couples or at families and it would be nice to be able to do these things. Oh, I know I could do them alone but I wouldn't get any real pleasure out of it so it results in weekends being spent 'filling the time' - sad really!

Sorry for my rant blush still, if you can't say it here, hey? wink

myroomisatip Sun 03-Mar-13 19:23:11

I feel the same sad

Just coming out of a bad marriage, too old to another relationship so I know I will be spending my evenings on my own forever more... It is so sad to think that there are so many people in the world ( probably also lonely ) and I have nobody who ever thinks to just phone me.

I feel worse in the middle of the night.

secretofcrickleyhall Sun 03-Mar-13 19:27:45

myroom I am just so sorry about that, hugs sad I never get phone calls either. People don't really get it in my experience, that a huge section of society is set up on the assumption that people are in couples. I hate saying I am lonely as it sounds as if I have no friends! I do have friends, many friends, but to take a week's holiday from work as an example, that's a lot of people to fill a lot of hours. And they don't all live locally.

Yesterday for instance I met two friends for lunch - but that was at noon and over by 4. I spent Saturday morning and evening alone, and all of today - oh, and Friday night too.

Sometimes I speak in the house to hear my own voice.

If you don't have childcare issues and you don't live in the middle of nowhere have you tried taking up an interest? Salsa is brilliant for example. Everyone goes on their own, there is a huge age range, the classes get you interacting with other people and then, in the big cities, there are salsa clubs just about every night of the week, where again it's normal to go on your own. It's a great way to meet people and just to have fun.

redballoons Sun 03-Mar-13 19:47:19

How about signing up for some voluntary work? I've recently separated and that's what I've been thinking of doing to avoid loneliness.. I completely agree that it's a horrible feeling and that it appears to be exaggerated on Sundays.

pigsDOfly Sun 03-Mar-13 19:59:58

I too find myself talking to myself Secret, and perhaps even worse, having conversations with the dog.

The weekends are the worse. I'd just like to have someone to drive out to the country and have a flirty lunch with; someone to cuddle up with.

There are so many people living alone nowadays. I think a lot of us think everyone else is having a wonderful time and in happy relationships.

When I was married I know all our friends thought we were a happy loving couple with the perfect family. I was however, lonelier throughout the whole of my marriage than I've ever been since my divorce. And although I do get lonely now, to be lonely when you're living with someone who is supposed to be committed to you but isn't, as pepper says, is far worse.

FreudianFanny Sun 03-Mar-13 20:05:08

yep,Im incredibly lonely, Dh works away, rarely home, haven't seen him for 3 weeks, no friends , no close family, no childcare, no job , just me myself and I every night of the week. life is like groundhog day. sad

secretofcrickleyhall Sun 03-Mar-13 20:06:44

Thanks. I do do quite a bit in fact, in terms of classes and voluntary work, but as I said, it doesn't solve that problem that no matter how much you do, fill your time with, organise your life to avoid long periods alone, they are still there. Like pigs say, weekends are definitely the worse - and holidays for me too (am a teacher.) Last half term, so ten days, I had one day with lunch/shopping with a good friend, then I had a birthday meal (not my birthday) and night out, I went to this with another friend, we made a weekend of it and stayed over in a hotel. So it isn't that I don't know people, or have friends - but that was still three days out of ten, leaving seven full days to stretch out completely empty.

At times I dread my retirement. It's a long way off, mind you grin

dippymother Sun 03-Mar-13 20:15:48

Taking up an interest/hobby or doing some voluntary work is a great idea if you have the confidence to go along for the first time on your own. There are so many things you could consider: how about a rambling group - walks are usually at weekends and sometimes include a "pub" stop. I'm a widow and joined a support group - evenings out and weekend trips are regularly organised. I also work voluntarily in a charity shop, it's a lovely friendly shop and we have some good banter with other staff and customers. I do a language course and last year joined a carpentry class - was useless at that but hey, it was good fun! The list is endless but it can give you something to do, new people to meet and a sense of purpose.

rightchoice2 Sun 03-Mar-13 20:22:40

A great idea rather than TV is go to the library and get some listening book cd's just got five on Friday night and have played one set of 8 cd's all day today whilst sorting out my wardrobes. The latest is a kind of chic flick audio book but it is fab and funny for the days when you are in on your own and there are scores of them at my local library. Can't wait to get in some days just to get on with the 'book' when I am doing stuff around the house. By the way I have lived on my own for years and years and love it because I am free to live my life in peace and yet have more friends that I have evenings to share with them.

Moanranger Sun 03-Mar-13 20:25:44

Just split up with my H. Maybe I am odd, but not particularly lonely. I have a fairly all-consuming hobby (equestrian) which helps. I also just joined a health club & am looking into Meet Ups. I am defo not looking for a relationship - no interest in another boring middle-aged snoring grump - maybe that's why I am not lonely. I think not addressing why you are lonely could result in choosing an inappropriate partner, perhaps?

secretofcrickleyhall Sun 03-Mar-13 20:35:17

Not in my case Moanranger - it is very barren for me where partners are concerned1 grin

dippymother I honestly mean this nicely, but have you read my posts on this thread? I do have hobbies, I do have friends and I work full time, but here's the rub. When I go to those hobbies, friends and work, I go alone, then I come back alone, then I have to spend the rest of the day/week/month alone. And that can be very hard indeed.

cozietoesie Sun 03-Mar-13 20:49:56

I'll see your 'talking to the dog' pigsDOfly and raise you a 'apologising to the television for bumping into it'.

grin

CrispyHedgeHog Sun 03-Mar-13 20:55:01

I just read this thread and realised I haven't opened my mouth to speak since Friday. Nor seen another human being.

dippymother Sun 03-Mar-13 20:55:27

Apologies secret, I wrote my post and posted it before I saw yours which was posted 14 minutes before.

DoreensEatingHerSoreen Sun 03-Mar-13 20:57:06

eurgh I hate Sunday nights, worst part of the week, I much prefer the Monday morning rush around. Actually as soon as I wake up on Sunday mornings I feel a bit down and it gets worse all day.

When I was pg and facing being a single parent I used to think "well at least I will never be lonely as I will have my dc" I've since realised of course that it doesn't exactly work like that.

dippymother Sun 03-Mar-13 20:57:33

D'oh, 9 minutes before!

SueFawley Sun 03-Mar-13 20:58:29

I'm another who feels incredibly lonely.
All was fine before I got divorced but everything fell apart when the divorce happened. I lost friends, I changed jobs, then I had to move to a new area, then I moved somewhere else a year later.
I find myself now with no partner, and I feel too old to go through the dating scene shit.
I work at home so no daily colleague interaction. Go to yoga once a week but haven't made any friends there.

DoreensEatingHerSoreen Sun 03-Mar-13 20:59:03

You lot do genuinely make me feel less lonely though grin

secretofcrickleyhall Sun 03-Mar-13 21:04:11

Thanks dippy - I think that's the hard part in some ways, as people always want to find a solution to your loneliness. It's good some people have more friends than evenings - perhaps I do to, if I count, but they don't all live nearby and they do have lives/families of their own, as well. I'm sorry to hear you were widowed sad

Crispy - nor have I, bar the forced sort of 'did you find everything you were looking for' when I went in New Look yesterday and bought a new top.

SueFawley Sun 03-Mar-13 21:07:06

Crispy and crickley, normally I'd be saying that too on a Sunday night. But I did go out yesterday afternoon, it was a one off meet up with distant family for a birthday.
Usually I don't open my mouth to speak all weekend, then come Monday morning when I have to make a work phone call I find my voice is hoarse!
I've given serious thought to getting a 'Wilson' friend - like the ball who was Tom Hanks' mate in Cast Away.

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