hi, ginebra
i will give you a brief background into my circs, food for thought if nothing else...
mum n dad split when i was about 6/7 i cant say if he was abusive as she has never said.
dad wasnt what i remember as the nicest person, quite an angry manner imho. mum never said a bad word against him, so as not to tarnish our (me n db) opinions over him.
eventually i just could see that i didnt like him. i cant tell you why, cant justify apart from i knew he had "hurt" mum, and was always very bitter about her.(he had an affair, and moved in with ow, some 36 years later they still married).
how it impacted on my life was that as soon as i started dating at 16, i was always going for the older man, as in 20+ years older! by 20 i dated an abusive man, violent, nasty piece of work...father of ds!
as the years got on, i never had much contact with dad, never spoke, nothing for 10 years, i traced him, got back in touch for about 3 or 4 years, they moved abroad to live, he and dsm paid for me and ds passports, flights and we stayed with them for a 2 week holiday in their 6 bedroom house. what a Fxxxxxg nightmare!! after 2 days i was in tears, wanted to come home, was having an awful time, dad didnt like my ds, i didnt like dsm, nor did i like dad, he had an argument with dsm, and didnt speak to her for 5 days!, she said that was normal, sometimes it would be 6 weeks or more
since i got home some years ago, i never spoke to him again. there is a hole in my heart, as i do wander are they still alive, but thats it for me, he said he doesnt like children, ah well, his loss. my db hasnt spoken to him in many many years either (no idea why).
i guess what im trying to say is that over the years your children will get to see his personality, and as with all kids, they will weigh it up with what he provides (or doesnt) as time goes on. Please op, do not feel that your kids are being disloyal, as for you it will be good riddance, for them, they will probably have a piece missing for many years to come, which they may try and replace unknowingly as they get older.
so sorry for the ramble!! i just wanted to give you another perspective, best of luck x