Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Ex's New gf and introducing daughter

(6 Posts)
slewoman Fri 01-Mar-13 20:23:38

Hi first time here, bear with me. My partner ended our 13 year relationship 14 months ago a week before our daughters first birthday. He has been spending time with his daughter and our break up has been fairly amicable, however now he has met a new woman he told he this via a text message. Intial text said I have met a new girl "at the moment it is not serious"

Then couple of days later he came round so i said to him the only thing i want to say to you is not to introduce her to our DD until he was sure it was serious. He then said well it is serious and they have already met although we are taking it slowly. Im mad as hell about this

The following day I asked for the keys back to apartment (joint owned) as he would only text me a couple of minutes before arriving and sometimes just let himself in i said the time had come as he was in new relationship i needed to have some privacy and help me mentally move on, told "no way" after further explanation and becoming upset because i explained im finding it difficult not having the family unit i wanted, he said he would think about keys.
He then took DD for the weekend

The following morning to prove my privacy point i texted to say i was going to be at his apartment in 5 mins (never been before) however when i got there (in 2 mins) new gf was just leaving she left just before i got out of car, we have never met but i know it was her, and it was obvious she had stayed over and was due to spend day there with my DD, hardley taking it slowly!! when i went to apartment i said im proving my privacy point but i also asked him if she had stayed (i didnt say i had saw her leave)he said im not going to answer that as its none of your businesss. I suppose it isnt but he lied about her contact with my DD and then it is my business. However he does not see this

I have no problem with him having new gf but a have a problem with my daughter being with them together she is not speaking yet (26 months)and may get confused and it would break my heart if she calls her mama before me

I dont know what im asking really just need to get of my chest and see how others coped also some feedback on my ex's behaviour and what to do say now without coming accross as a jealous ex!
Chin up i suppose .............

Lueji Fri 01-Mar-13 21:03:27

Firstly, just change the locks.

Secondly, I really wouln't go around making conditions about new gf seeing or meeting DD.
You either trust him as a parent or not.
The best answer to him is that you trust his judgement as a dad.

Otherwise, you are leaving yourself vulnerable to his interference should you start dating someone.

slewoman Sat 02-Mar-13 21:01:31

Good point thanks for taking time to reply

maleview70 Sat 02-Mar-13 22:21:43

You need to be careful you don't come accross as a jealous ex here and create a divide for no other reason than you are feeling a hint of jealousy.

If he is good with you daughter then it really is up to him to decide when is the right time to introduce her.

She might be a really nice girl and be a positive influence on your daughters life.

If you start turning up unannounced then she might take an instant dislike to you and it could cause problems that your daughter doesn't need to be involved in.

Life is too short for regrets/jealousy etc....

Ginebra Sat 02-Mar-13 22:38:54

I know it must be hard because 14 months is nothing, it really isn't.... but your daughter is no more likely to call this new gf mama than she is to call the postman mama. She knows who mama is.

Also, as PAINFUL as it may be now, other posters are right when they say that in the future you too will want a bit of freedom. for the sake of YOUR future, swallow your discomfort and allow your daughter to go. SO much the better if it is a regular time every week so that you get some me time that you can plan around.

slewoman Sun 03-Mar-13 20:31:01

Thank you yes i have feelings of jealously because a new woman is spending quality time with my precious daughter. I also realise this is a step im going to have to handle at some point and i must keep my dignity.

Well i have swallowed my discomfort and pain and I have let her go this morning and been out on a long hike to take my mind off it.

I think the most difficult part is i was so looking forward to being a family unit and now i feel she will have that with them instead, i feel like im being replaced in a way. Yes daft i know!

Maleview... i only went to his apartment the other day to prove my privacy point (he turns up at mine letting himself in or just texting 2 mins before) i really wasn't expecting her to be there it was a shock as just 2 days previously he had told me he was introducing her slowly well a whole night and day is not slowly to me

Anyway i havn't said anymore on this too him i am concentrating on my time with my DD and am going to plan things to do when they are together i am determined to keep my dignity and not say jealous comments, i may ask to meet her next week!

Difficult times sigh

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now