Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Subtle 'marriage' talk or am I reading too much into it?

(12 Posts)
startlife Sat 02-Mar-13 13:34:35

How long have you been together and how old are you?

This sounds as if you are unable to communicate with each other..you're 'hinting' and he's making 'comments'. It's not the way to have a grownup relationship. I would say you are both not ready.

Please don't rush into marriage, really, why would you want to be married to someone who wasn't keen to show he was in a relationship with you. Getting married (having the wedding) is the easy peasey part, making a marriage work is tough and it's all about communication. If you are struggling to communicate, now, there is little chance YOU will be happy in a few years.

Check out the relationship boards - being married does not guarantee happy ever after. Be careful about who you marry - honestly ask yourself why him?? Make sure you are completely in synch with a partner, this pre marriage and pre kids stage is as good as it gets.

Isetan Sat 02-Mar-13 13:17:07

FFS

So let me get this straight, he only acknowledged you 5 minutes ago on facebook and now you think he wants to marry you.

You need to start having a grown up talk with him about your future together if marriage is what you ultimately want. In the not acknowledging your relationship on fb context "If you're going to be the wife of an..just learn the correct lingo" comment is patronising not cute.

If you want something, ask for it in simple language (stop reading into things) otherwise you are setting yourself up for what SGB says in her post.

coffeeinbed Fri 01-Mar-13 20:25:58

"If you're going to be the wife of an..just learn the correct lingo"
WTF?
Patronising twattery much?

qumquat Fri 01-Mar-13 19:43:01

Why can't you just talk about getting married? It always blows my mind how many couples don't seem to discuss such a life changing decision.

irrationalme Fri 01-Mar-13 18:46:21

Why do you want to get married? Do you want to marry him, or just be married?

Make sure you think about that.

IMO you both need to stop joking around and discuss it properly

ImperialBlether Fri 01-Mar-13 18:40:04

I don't like this man! He wouldn't acknowledge you on FB? Why not? He must have known you were uncomfortable with that. His friend sounds immature, too; what's the big fuss about a man having a relationship? How old are they, 12?

You have to rate yourself higher than you do, OP. He should be over the moon he's in a relationship with you and feel so lucky that he tells everyone at work and family etc. Pretending he's single on FB is the sort of thing a twat does, in my opinion.

Don't mention marriage again. As SGB says, don't let him think he's got you where he wants you.

Hmm. Either he has thought things through after the row and he is leading up to proposing marriage - or he has decided, knowing that you want him to propose, that he has the perfect way to control your behaviour for the foreseeable future ie the carrot-and-stick. He will make sure you are expecting a proposal, and then not do it. Or, if he wants his own way about something, he will imply that he was going to propose and now You've Ruined It...
You obviously know the man better than a bunch of internet pixies do, but my advice to you would be not to let the hinting and overthinking go on for more than a couple of months without having a proper discussion. Or you will be heading for a situation where you become like a doggy begging for treats as he dangles the possibility of marriage over your head to make you do tricks whenever he feels like it.

toddlerama Fri 01-Mar-13 17:46:59

Sounds like he feels you've given him permission to be open about it. smile

Sounds promising wink

givemeaclue Fri 01-Mar-13 16:59:31

Not sure, if you have had a big row that's not great, he could be telling you what he thinks you want to hear.

Why do you want to marry him if you want different things?

Oh yes indeedy - I'd say he sees you as his future missus

simplesays Fri 01-Mar-13 16:54:59

Firstly I know men are more likely to just say stuff without meaning much and women tend to analyse what has been said and make something out of it so maybe that's all this is but wanted some opinions.

Bascially DP and I had a big row a few weeks ago. During which, I hinted that I wanted marriage etc and felt that I sometimes feel we want different things from the relationship. He disagreed with me but didn't touch on the marriage thing during the conversation.

The next day he changed his facebook relationship status to "in a relationship with ... " and linked me to it. This pleased me as up until this point he's seemed quite unwilling to acknowledge me on facebook and it was making me all paranoid.

The day after he came home from work saying his mate was laughing about it and said "ooo next it will say "dp is engaged to .... " and dp smiled as he told me this.

Another one was I joked that I was going to apply for a job at his work - he said "yeah you should, nothing better than a good husband and wife work combo!"

And today I said something daft and he said "look, if you're going to be the wife of an - you need to learn the right lingo!" and laughed.

Another one was he came home saying his mate was getting married and spending a fortune on it - he then said "I wouldn't spend all that would you?" and I said "no, I'd save the money for the honeymoon" and he laughed and said "yeah, me too!"

On valentines day he asked me if I fancied morrocco next year, just the two of us.

Am I reading too much into it or has he been thinking about it?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now