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To get annoyed at having to prompt dh for some money?

(538 Posts)
WomanCalledAlice Fri 01-Mar-13 15:57:13

I work FT and get paid monthly, dh gets paid weekly. My wage pays the bills/clothes the kids need etc. On a Friday when dh is paid he transfers money straight into my account for groceries. Today he transferred £100 so I went to Tesco and spent £70 on food for the week and put the other £30 in the meter for electric.

Now it's my friends birthday today and I'd like to buy her something nice and also my other friend had a baby on Monday so would have liked to buy her a little gift.

Every week it's more or less the same, he transfers money over but I just never have enough. When I ask him for more money he usually says "did you spent the whole £100"? But he always transfers more over its just the fact he questions me and I don't think I should have to ask.

I'm not out buying luxuries for myself (I wish) I'd just like a little bit of cash in my purse. AIBU?

I almost feel guilty for asking him confused

expatinscotland Fri 01-Mar-13 17:34:02

'I never thought I believed in second chances but he was genuinely sorry and worked hard to win back my trust.'

Worked hard to get his feet back under the table and his cock sucked for £103/week, more likes.

I'd send him packing.

jojane Fri 01-Mar-13 17:34:34

Make a list of All outgoings, rent, bills, petrol, kids clubs, food, haircuts, clothes for kids/ uniform etc, cleaning stuff, school dinners, school trips etc, toiletries etc.
Monthly expenses obviously keep same figure. Make a list of yearly expenses - holidays, Xmas, birthday parties, school shoes etc and divide by 12. You will then have your monthly totally expenditure that needs covering. It is then up to you to decide how much each of you contributes (include his expenses that benefit the family so car as a presume you get driven places etc but if he refuses to drive you then don't include it)

expatinscotland Fri 01-Mar-13 17:39:00

So all this list-making and budget-making, it's the OP's job to prove and justify herself to her cheating, skinflint husband who treats her like a naughty schoolchild?

Kicking him out will be so much easier than continually having to prove to an adult how much it costs to run his family.

Meglet Fri 01-Mar-13 17:55:18

Yanbu. He is taking massive amounts of piss.

You need a serious talk about splitting finances equally and if he won't do it then LTB. My XP took always kept spending money to himself, when he went I suddenly found myself slightly better off as it wasn't being squandered down the pub and I could control all the household finances.

WomanCalledAlice Fri 01-Mar-13 17:55:26

I will see what he has to say about it all tonight. I agree I really shouldn't have to spell it bout to him. He knows exactly how much I pay out. Maybe he needs a reality check.

ENormaSnob Fri 01-Mar-13 17:55:34

Ffs woman, get rid of this freeloading, cheating prick.

FelicityWasCold Fri 01-Mar-13 18:21:01

Good luck Alice- all cards on the table tonight, then you will know categorically where you stand.

expatinscotland Fri 01-Mar-13 18:26:46

'I will see what he has to say about it all tonight. I agree I really shouldn't have to spell it bout to him. He knows exactly how much I pay out. Maybe he needs a reality check. '

Maybe? He's getting all room and board paid AND his dick sucked for £103/week. And you think maybe he needs a reality check? He's taking you for a mug. And why not? He's done so before and it's always worked in his favour.

WomanCalledAlice Fri 01-Mar-13 18:38:50

You're right expat.

And just ftr I don't suck his cock, never have done, probably why he went elsewhere...

CaptainVonTrapp Fri 01-Mar-13 18:40:21

What expat said is harsh and absolutely true.

You're paying to hang on to this loser. Bloody hell I bet he thinks he's landed on his feet!

expatinscotland Fri 01-Mar-13 18:54:16

He went elsewhere because he's a cock, Alice. And he still is, a freeloading one.

Jemma1111 Fri 01-Mar-13 19:09:19

He sounds a right controlling bastard .

This amounts to financial abuse , who the fuck does he think he is ?
I agree with others , do yourself a massive favour and get rid.

Trills Fri 01-Mar-13 19:13:01

You need to sort out a budget.

Joint account that you both have access to - this account gets enough to cover all household and child-related costs. Rent/bills/food/children's stuff - remembering things like insurance or TV licence that only need paying once a year. Both agree how much this needs, both can buy groceries etc from this account.

Savings account that you both have access to. Agree how much goes in it. Neither touches it without both agreeing.

Two separate accounts where you only have access to your own. The "leftover money" after you account for the household budget is split equally. Spend this on haircuts or computer games or golf clubs or touche eclat or horseriding lessons or whatever you like. You can't complain about how the other person spends their spending money.

expatinscotland Fri 01-Mar-13 19:14:02

She doesn't need to do anything. He is the one who should be because he's already proven himself a cheating, lying, freeloading bastard.

Trills Fri 01-Mar-13 19:18:06

That's a plural "you". You as a couple. The two of you. That kind of "you".

Budget-deciding can only be done as a couple. It can't be decided and enforced by one person.

Either that or she (you singular) should decide that he is not worth the hassle and that she is better off without him.

WomanCalledAlice Fri 01-Mar-13 19:39:51

Well he's on his way home, be interesting how this will pan out. hmm

Inertia Fri 01-Mar-13 19:51:44

Given that he's a proven adulterer, is there any chance that this is what he's spending his money on ?

As he is clearly a liar, then tread carefully with joint accounts. Maybe the answer is to insist on a direct debit transfer of 50 per cent of total bills (including the children's expenses) into the account the bills are paid from .

ImperialBlether Fri 01-Mar-13 19:55:54

I think you are living with an incredibly selfish man. He's shown you he's a cheating, financially abusive man. Get rid, OP; you're worth so much more than this.

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 01-Mar-13 20:04:05

Can I move in with you please,that's a damn sight cheaper than my bills cost me and I don't snore nor would you ever have to see me naked.

You know this is wrong if you didnt we wouldn't be having this conversation,forgive me of I'm wrong but it sounds like you are probably living to a simerler standard of someone who is single and out of work at the same time as he is living the same standard of a single person with two incomes.

Can anyone who can do maths work out how much he would have to pay if OP kicked his sorry arse out and contacted the CSA? If it's more than 400/month then maybe pointing that out will focus his mind for the discussion.

Alice you are being taken for a mug. He cheated and was rewarded with a much cushier life. How does that teach him anything?

Darkesteyes Fri 01-Mar-13 20:30:15

Alice this is financial abuse. You are being abused by this lying cheating fuckwit. Please get some help and advice from Womens Aid.

FelicityWasCold Fri 01-Mar-13 20:36:36

MrsTerry
I make it £83 a week and she wouldn't be feeding him or paying to heat the water for his showers etc... Etc... Also without his presence in the household she may be eligible for other benefits.... So all in all better off and with a lot more dignity I'd imagine.

Felicity thanks I think you are right. I'd pay 17 quid a week to be rid of this nonsense myself.

FelicityWasCold Fri 01-Mar-13 20:45:48

Quite- cheap at twice the price.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar Fri 01-Mar-13 20:49:48

OP, did you talk to him? How did it go?

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