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Virtual Circle of Friends

(345 Posts)
MillyMollyMandy78 Thu 28-Feb-13 10:18:12

On my last post about a lack of friends, so many of you reached out with your own stories/ support/ advice. Several of you also said it would be great if we had our own thread where we can just meet up and have a chat and be virtual friends.
I apologise about the boring thread name - I couldn't think of anything cleverer! So this is me reaching out... Who wants to join me & be my virtual friend? X

pinkpaws Sun 03-Mar-13 15:59:51

Make up i put it on for the first time in about 6 months thinking i looked ok for an over worked mum with 2 kids and 2 jobs. Only to have my son who does have ASD ask me what was wrong with me you look abit weird quote unquote . thanks for that ds think i will leave well enough alone lol

Feelingood Sun 03-Mar-13 19:07:05

debstar thanks. I was being paranoid, she txt and I saw her today. She was fine. It is awkward ex-clique politics - well for me.

pinkpaws I made a real effort to look good as Ive been trudging around at less than my best and I felt so much better. so good for you!

welcome to williever

Monstermuncher Mon 04-Mar-13 10:02:16

Morning all, hope everyone had a good weekend.
After a weekend spent DIYing my house is a complete tip so today will be mostly cleaning and laundry, boring but necessary.

Glad your friend texted back Feelingood.

Pinkpaws, I can't do without a bit of makeup, even if its just some mascara. Some of the mums on the school run are very glossy, I don't know how they manage at that time in the morning, I'm usually putting my face on in the toilets at work..

Anyone doing anything exciting today?

threebats Argentina Mon 04-Mar-13 10:23:43

feelingood Glad to know your friend text back smile
pinkpaws I am the scruffiest person on the block! This winter I have survived in a hat, just a hat, well, not just a hat, I wore clothes! But as far as doing hair was concerned? For what? I leave my house mainly to food shop and go on walks. Occasionally to go pick up some work. What is the point in Pantene glossy locks? Under a hat, nobody sees what birds nest you are sporting... Makeup has been the bare minimum so that when I did go out, I did not frighten small children and the elderly.
However, I have begun to get it together of a morning this last week - its going to be warm soon so the hat has to go back into the winter box... It actually does make you feel better to dry your hair properly and put a proper face of makeup on...
The problem with winter is, apart from the cold, its so dark so early and so much time is spent alone indoors that you forget how to behave in a reasonable society and begin to get all cave woman-ish... Slopping about in jeans, hair a tangled mess of matted nastiness, debauchery running rife throughout your entire personal presentation as you understand - the couch, a blanket and a hot water bottle is far, far more preferable to going off upstairs to swish your hair into loveliness - who the hell is going to see it anyhow? Saved a darn fortune in hairspray this winter...
monstermuncher I have just scrubbed a particularly disgusting bathroom after three children romped through it before school/college this morning... Absolute carnage, I do not know how they do it. Now I have showered, thankfully, in a clean shower - I am off to get dressed, off to pick up a bit of work I have to do then coming home to do said work - typically boring Monday here...

Feelingood Mon 04-Mar-13 10:56:30

thanks monster and three bats

I lived under my hood last week, I wasn't well and my hair was so badly in need of colouring. I did it myself and gave it MN haircut to trim it

I put all my face on, on Friday and did feel so much better, but is the last thing I feel like doing if I'm tired, hungover or staying in. But I'm am making. Ore of an effort, I've joined a thread in s. and B.

My 1yr DD just woke up so. I'm gonna feed her a snack and crack on with some housework, she 'helps' with a t towel and finds the Hoover amusing we play chasey. Then I've got cooking to do, a little shop, ds school pick up, home work,

threebats Argentina Mon 04-Mar-13 18:42:26

What happened to the VCF's - Oh God, its my fault, isn't it? I told you all I could not make friends, I told you... ;)

lia66 Mon 04-Mar-13 19:45:43

Hi all. Well today I became the mother of an adult. Eek. I can still remember the day I went into labour as clear as day. Only got 5 more to go smile

Nothing exciting here at the weekends, I have a yr one child so weekends are taken up with organising presents for all the parties she goes to.
I'm on phone so can't see far enough up the thread to name heck but I'm glad it turned out to be a misunderstanding with your friend.

Just laying putting dd to bed then off to watch Sundays call the midwife < rock n roll >>

xxDebstarxx Mon 04-Mar-13 22:17:46

Congratulations lia66 hope you all had a fab day smile

threebats I'm here! Just don't always know what to say so stay quiet and lurk about hmm

Had a fun day...was my turn to clean the toilets. My boyfriend and I take turns each week cleaning the kitchen or the toilets. I bet you're all jealous of the fun I had grin

threebats Argentina Tue 05-Mar-13 07:48:55

Cleaning the toilet! Now that's unfair, how dare you have so much fun on a Monday... Where is my bleach? I am going to do mine today!

I hit a pot hole yesterday doing the college run home. My front passenger tyre is about as flat as a pancake - was furious, you can not underestimate the language used. This is my second in as many months. The road is a main road and its littered with the things, there is no avoiding them, especially when they suddenly get worse overnight and you do not know... Sigh...

As luck would have it, a council worker deemed to knock my front door not long after I got home, flashing his pin on badge and sickly smile and searching for 'proof' my 21 year old was in full time education and not working therefore eligible for council tax - An opportunity to get arsey with a council worker? Too huge to ignore...
...That's the result of picking her up from college today - the place you are not entirely sure she is at... (Point at rapidly deflating tyre on car) Perhaps instead of paying you for working unsociable hours, calling on people at evening dinner time, the money could go on, oh, lets say, road maintenance? If you lot can not work out from the paperwork already sent in from the college that she is indeed attending a full time course for the next year then heck if I can help you out. You do have the paperwork at your office, go back and check it. What more can we do? Unless you wants to come back at 7.40 tomorrow (today) and go on in with her?
Tossers. They have asked us a total of 7 times since last September to 'prove' she is not working and is in college - they have the enrollment forms she and the college signed ffs! Makes me boil over... You would swear we are running an international fraud syndicate here not trying to educate a young adult.

AgathaF Tue 05-Mar-13 08:15:29

Hello everyone. It's foggy here this morning and cold too, but hoping for some sun later on.

threebats I think you can claim back cost of repairs from the council if a pothole damages your car/tyre. Here

threebats Argentina Tue 05-Mar-13 08:28:06

AgathaF We must have found that pothole site together! I found it after my rant here... Problem is, the road is so busy, I can't realistically get a photo of it and measure it... Not entirely sure which one I hit either, I can take my pick, there are lots of them. I am going to ring the highways this morning and tell them about it, ask for the trye costs back and tell them, surely they have to have realised by now, the entire road is caving in? Its right by a primary school so avoiding the darn holes in road is impossible as there are cars parked up all over the place at home time. Unless you stop driving altogether or mount a pavement, there is no avoiding this mess of a road. Its as if the entire thing is caving in on itself... Muppets. I don't hold out much hope of getting them to pay for the tyre - this is Swansea Council and Highways and they are so bad at everything they, well, do not do... I am continually surprised Swansea remains up and running given how terrible the council here actually is...
xxdebstarxx The amount of times I have thought of moving to your area simply for the council being a million times better than the one here you can't believe...
Off to shower now all kids have left for the day then onto phone then off to tyre garage... Yawn...
Thanks Agatha for taking the time to post up that site for me.

TitHead Tue 05-Mar-13 09:06:53

[Waves] is there room for another one?

AgathaF Tue 05-Mar-13 09:22:43

I hope you get somewhere with your council.

Monstermuncher Tue 05-Mar-13 09:36:14

Morning all
Spring has sprung here today, its a lovely morning and the school run was a pleasure. Bad day yesterday, my lovely 2 year old was a screaming devil child all day but I am pleased to report he is back to being lovely today. So far anyway.
Hi Lia66 - that must be a strange feeling when your babies are officially an adult. Cant say I'm looking forward to mine growing up. (are teenagers easier than toddlers?)
Sorry about your car threebats - give em hell.
Hello Tithead <waves back>

MillyMollyMandy78 Tue 05-Mar-13 09:42:23

Morning all, hope you had a good weekend! I've not been on here for the last 3 days cos I've been feeling down, but I will make more of an effort from now on. Today - work, then housework

xxDebstarxx Tue 05-Mar-13 09:42:51

Hello everyone!

monstermuncher are teenagers easier than toddlers? I'd say the terrible two's are an indication of what teenagers are like!!!! Saying that, my boys aren't that bad...they spend a lot of time in their rooms and come down for food occasionally! Apparently I'm embarrassing grin

threebats you'd be welcome in Carmarthenshire anytime! If you have no joy with the council shame them in the local press. Practice your sad face and pose pointing at the offending pot holes or holding up the bill from the new tyre.

xxDebstarxx Tue 05-Mar-13 09:44:32

I hope you are feeling better today Milly if you need to talk then please do. We might be able to cheer you up even if only slightly smile

threebats Argentina Tue 05-Mar-13 14:43:13

xxdebstarxx I could never go in the local paper - all that attention would crucify me! I like to stay as under the radar as possible, I am always the one dressed in black, up the back of the room, head down, glasses on and pretending I am not there... Lovely...
I got a big sigh from the chap in Highways once I told him where the pothole was. 'Oh, that road... Its down for a resurface' - bloody resurface? Try excavating the site, possibly find King Edwards little brother down there somewhere... I have gone back, managed to take a picture and I have to send that along with my strongly worded letter to the Insurance Dept within the County, that'll be an hour I never get back, never mind the cash for my tyre smile

monstermuncher My lot are 21, 19 and 16 - are they easier? Well, yes. They never wake up before lunchtime on weekends. On weekdays, you can tell them to set their own alarms or be late, and you feel no guilt about it! They can get their own food if they are hungry. They can be yelled at to wash up without it seeming as if you are using your child as slave labour. But - they do want to use your car, they do like to call you old and mine continually bang on at me about life as if I am a pensioner with no idea at all how anything in the world works - I go selectively deaf when this occurs.

Molly I second Debstar, we may be able to cheer you up, you never know smile

I am about to go take a neighbour up the hospital for an appointment - not as selfless an act as it appears as I want to nick her gardener as he is cheap and use him myself! I also just let out my cat who threw up on the smoke alarm, setting it off, it sits on the stairs rather than hangs on a ceiling - I have to purchase a stepladder. The cat got chased right back down our garden path by a chicken from next door - no time to think why the chicken is loose, have to go pick up other neighbour... But cat is back indoors and God help her if there is more vomit waiting for me upon my return.

MillyMollyMandy78 Tue 05-Mar-13 16:48:05

Thanks for your concern, Debstar & Threebats -hope you have recovered from your adventure, Threebats!
Will keep my moans as brief as possible, as I have already posted on the mental health board. Basically My mum had serious mental health problems and i had a pretty abusive childhood. My grandma also had severe depression so it runs in the family. I have had several depressive episodes in the past and despite my life being wonderful, I've started feeling depressed again. Guess i was sticking my head in the sand before, because I have blamed it on other stuff going on eg work stress, bereavements. But I have no stress, no excuse to cling to this time, so I have to face the fact that i will probably get these relapses for the rest of my life. I know many other people do, but I've always feared 'turning into my mum' after seeing her deteriorate and destroy the people around her. I'm just getting my head around it all, but I'll be ok - thanks again for your concern!

xxDebstarxx Tue 05-Mar-13 17:50:29

Hi Milly Have you tried counselling or CBT to help you when you get these relapses? I've done both and they helped me. Just a way to retrain your way of thinking and not beat yourself up about things. Either that or ADs? It is difficult but I've been there several times too and always wonder why when my life appears to be going well. Guess it's just the way I'm made smile

xxDebstarxx Tue 05-Mar-13 17:59:59

Oh threebats what an eventful day you are having. I hope you have a quiet evening ahead!

MillyMollyMandy78 Tue 05-Mar-13 18:57:24

Debstar - I have tried counselling before but has only really looked at why i might feel that way, but now doing a cbt course which is more helpful for me. As I said, I have no reason to feel low, so pointless trying to dig up a reason with a counsellor, but cbt is giving me some tools to change my feelings and challenge that negative voice inside my head, that likes to make me feel worthless. Am trying to apply what i learn in cbt to real life, and am considering meds if this is not enough.

xxDebstarxx Tue 05-Mar-13 21:03:56

It's so hard sometimes isn't it! CBT is good but don't beat yourself up if you have a relapse. Life gets in the way sometimes and stops us achieving when we think we should have. Baby steps are best when I'm feeling low.

threebats Argentina Wed 06-Mar-13 08:00:20

molly I am sorry to hear about how you are feeling, you also debstar .
Life likes to throw us curve balls in whatever form they take, an actual calamity that you can see, touch, taste and say, 'that's it, that's what's the matter...' Or, as if actual calamities are not enough, it then throws us the curve ball of depression which we can not fathom, how, why, what or when...

I can't assume to know what cbt is, I have no idea. Afraid I am the sort of person who hits the brick wall of depression and retreats into the house to fight through it on my own. Possibly why I have no friends about me? Its hard to be friends with a person who retreats into themselves a lot.
I find music makes all the difference to me - This sounds corny I know but, honestly, I retreat into Meatloaf... So many times I have disappeared into a Meatloaf album. It started when I was young and I possibly owe the man a great deal for the fact he keeps on releasing new material as otherwise, I would be in silence. Gosh, written down that makes me seem off my nut!

I like strong words, his songs have stories to them. I retreat into words and music. My children are kind of used to me reading, listening to Meat, writing myself - its a very solitary existence. I also love films, anything at all with a strong story to them really. Its escapism? When I pop my clogs, my headstone will read, 'thee who liked to live life vicariously through other people's stories...'
I am incredibly intrigued by a person who has written something that just explodes, be it a song, a book, a film... I think a lot about how their minds work - for example, to come up with Objects in the Rear View Mirror, which is a Meat song - just how in the heck does that mind work? That is outstanding story telling and was it an actual experience?
I am very strange as a person which is why I remain alone all the time. It breeds depression which is a struggle to fight through. But I escape via stories.
Possibly of no use to you both at all, but, you are not alone in the feeling of well, desolation that washes over a person in waves for no apparent reason. Keep onto the hope that a better day is coming.
Sorry - long post - I type super fast and think even faster than I type! A side effect of writing as a hobby.

MillyMollyMandy78 Wed 06-Mar-13 10:35:28

Threebats - thanks for your reply. I'm exactly the same when it comes to retreating. Doesn't really help my lack of friends either - it is such hard work to chat on the phone to my few friends when i am low, and actually meeting is impossible.
I used to write all the time years ago and was thinking recently that it is something that i would like to get back into, but i can't be bothered! Took all my energy to get out of bed today... Vicious circle really!

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