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what if dh tells you hes wanking?

(108 Posts)
arabellaandbaby Tue 19-Feb-13 22:36:05

i dont know where to start and havent told anyone in RL as im too embarrassed and ashamed.

my dh has told me recently that hes really unhappy with our sex life. his sex drive is much higher than mine and i often turn him away as im so tired physically and mentally from working such long hours and also looking after our 3yo dd. dh also works long hours but doesnt seem fazed by it at all.

last night, he basically admitted to me that hes been 'pleasuring himself' because he doesnt get enough from me. i told him i cant do it when im so tired and stressed after a long day at work but he said he loves me, and has to resort to sorting himself out in order not to stray. he said to me he now understands why many men stray when in a relationship that does not satisfy them sexually as men are built to need sex.

i feel so unhappy that i cant satisfy his needs. he says he doesnt want to force me when clearly, my body language is telling him im not in the mood.

what do i do? hes starting to question whether i lov hin

Lucyellensmum95 Sun 24-Feb-13 22:07:55

Did the OP ever come back?

LineRunner Sun 24-Feb-13 22:01:52

Just report to MNHQ if people break the guidelines and let MNHQ do the rest.

Vijac Sun 24-Feb-13 21:39:10

I agree with sausagesandwich, it's fine to wank and no reflection on you but not so nice to say it is to stop him cheating!

Lucyellensmum95 Sun 24-Feb-13 21:19:31

Yes, AF perfectly capable of standing up for herself - however i will say this as she wont feel the need to stoop to your level - she is happily married!

fluffyraggies Sun 24-Feb-13 21:19:00

"MGTOW: Men Going Their Own Way: As the name suggests, MGTOW is a lot like lesbian separatism, but for straight dudes. MGTOW often talk vaguely about seeking “independence” from western and/or consumer culture, and a few MGTOW try to live that sort of zen existence. But most of those who embrace the term have a deep hostility towards and/or profound distrust of feminists and women in general. Many MGTOW refuse to date “western women” and some try to avoid women altogether."

Do you think this is an accurate description of MGTOW Rob?

You're saying you love women, but haven't shown any empathy here.

AF is neither of the things you said.

Focussing on a relationship thread for 24 hours, where, given the fact that the majority of mothers are in female/male relationships, and are drawn to this section to specifically discuss issues in their relationships as a tiny percentage of the UK basically allows you the right to make sweeping judgements on people and character assassinations on individuals does it dile?

You had nearly every post removed last night, please take the hint andmove on from this forum to something more suitable for you.

Anyfucker certainly doesn't need me to stand up for her, but I can categorically state that her posts to concerned OP's are far more rational, balanced and supportive than yours.

RobDile197 Sun 24-Feb-13 21:03:50

Lucy, you are wasting your energy feeling sorry for me. You may understand that i am not a Man who goes his own way. I only recognise and acknowledge this as a growing trend among some rather good men. I love women and get along with loads of them, offline of course. I hope that the men in your life don't know 'their place' as below you or suffering in silence. They would be mice if they did, and you'd be unfulfilled. Good luck.

Lucyellensmum95 Sun 24-Feb-13 21:03:45

Actually, im bored now!

RobDile197 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:55:38

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Lucyellensmum95 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:52:20

nup - its an early bath for me AF smile I just feel kinda sorry for him

CognitiveOverload Sun 24-Feb-13 20:52:12

Why are you questioning if you love him? He's not doing anything wrong by pleasuring himself.

AnyFucker Sun 24-Feb-13 20:50:08

ah well, your choice if you want to engage with it, LEM

knock yourself out

Lucyellensmum95 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:49:07

I just think that it is really sad that you feel that way mrvile - just as all men are not simpering little fuckwits, not all women are men haters either. In fact, most of us quite like them. (so long as they know their place!)

Seriously, it is obvious that you have been hurt quite badly and maybe you need to adress that personally rather than get caught up with wanky websites like MGTOW - its hardly conducive to us all getting along. Because the thing is, for the most part - we do (men and women). Many many succesful loving relationships and families, wanking or not!

Lucyellensmum95 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:45:42

Oh i don't know AF, he is quite entertaining really, i do like watching somoene make an utter arse of himself ;) Besides, half term is finished this week!

RobDile197 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:45:24

Lucyellensmum: Well, I'll disagree that I threw anything about. Pity my previous comments have been removed due to the hostility of others who cannot tolerate a different view. I'd waste my time and more bandwith repeating them so that someone else asks for them to be removed.

Its also very helpful for me if you address my views as you, not as 'we' as in 'yeah WE know that'. I'll argue that there are many women on this forum whose passionate (albeit unconscious) belief is that 'all men bad, all women good'. They only have to tolerate men, but they see no value or positive about men.

Youy may disagree with that, but there.

AnyFucker Sun 24-Feb-13 20:40:28

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Lucyellensmum95 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:38:08

One that says "yes Sir" and chews her bottom lip off now doubt anyfucker wink

Lucyellensmum95 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:37:26

But fluffy is pretty much saying what the rest of us said - what is it about her post that you liked so much then? While the rest of us are all men hating hags?

Glad you enjoyed the link, its quite a old one - i remember from Sunday evening Two ronnies - in 1976!

AnyFucker Sun 24-Feb-13 20:35:18

what is your definition of "feminine" women, rob ?

Lucyellensmum95 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:35:12

"Anyfucker says men like me cannot get a girlfriend. I would agree with that. I am not looking for a GIRLfriend. Never have. I only go out with women. Good, healthy, self confident, feminine women. Not girls. "

Oh, bless!

The problem is mr dile, is that you have proven that you can't do just that - you decided what people meant by their posts, chose to totally miss the point that the overwhelming majority of the folk (male and female) on this thread agreed that masturbation is perfectly healthy and very likely if people aren't getting it for real. So why you started throwing your toys about that is beyond me.

"men and women have to get along" err, yeah we know that - most men and women do! We all rub along together quite nicely i feel. If i dislike someone it is generally because they are a fuckwit and it matters not what sex they are.

RobDile197 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:31:18

Lucyellensmum: thanks for that link to the 2 Ronnies. Gave us a nice blast of laughter on this wonderful Sunday evening! Now do continue to look at that mgtow stuff. Its got some eye openers, trust me.

Fluffyraggies: yours is one of the most balanced and realistic comments on the thread. Keep it up and best wishes with your relationship!

RobDile197 Sun 24-Feb-13 19:55:06

Karlos, name calling and insults was something we all experienced in the school playground. Its time to drop that, and face the issues. Men and women have to get along or our kids are truly lost. If we cannot engage with views which differ from ours without demanding that they be silenced, then it is a very sad world indeed. Would you not agree?

RobDile197 Sun 24-Feb-13 19:52:36

Anyfucker says men like me cannot get a girlfriend. I would agree with that. I am not looking for a GIRLfriend. Never have. I only go out with women. Good, healthy, self confident, feminine women. Not girls.

RobDile197 Sun 24-Feb-13 19:50:00

NandH, any strong man who has a problem with women pleasuring themselves sexually is a weak person indeed. I'd be shocked if you are allowed to read this harmless comment before some other angry person reports it! That's the state of our society where some women are seriously threatened by honest views! LOL!

Lucyellensmum95 Sun 24-Feb-13 17:29:44

and your point is ChoudeBruxelles? maybe you shoudl read the thread

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