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what if dh tells you hes wanking?

(108 Posts)
arabellaandbaby Tue 19-Feb-13 22:36:05

i dont know where to start and havent told anyone in RL as im too embarrassed and ashamed.

my dh has told me recently that hes really unhappy with our sex life. his sex drive is much higher than mine and i often turn him away as im so tired physically and mentally from working such long hours and also looking after our 3yo dd. dh also works long hours but doesnt seem fazed by it at all.

last night, he basically admitted to me that hes been 'pleasuring himself' because he doesnt get enough from me. i told him i cant do it when im so tired and stressed after a long day at work but he said he loves me, and has to resort to sorting himself out in order not to stray. he said to me he now understands why many men stray when in a relationship that does not satisfy them sexually as men are built to need sex.

i feel so unhappy that i cant satisfy his needs. he says he doesnt want to force me when clearly, my body language is telling him im not in the mood.

what do i do? hes starting to question whether i lov hin

TDada Sun 24-Feb-13 16:23:42

Don't understand why men are threatened by women madturbating!

NandH Sun 24-Feb-13 16:23:52

haha brilliant!!! I'm glad!

yes that's probably it, I do attract odd men!

KarlosKKrinkelbeim Sun 24-Feb-13 16:26:34

"When men decide to tell the truth as they see it, then they are censored in these boards."
MNHQ don't censor men, dear - just shitheads. Hope that clears things up for you.

BitBewildered Sun 24-Feb-13 16:28:59

It seriously never occured to me that such utter knobs existed. 'Draconian domestic violence laws' FFS.

AnyFucker Sun 24-Feb-13 16:30:15

No wonder these inadequates can't get a girlfriend wink

fluffyraggies Sun 24-Feb-13 16:37:36

Firstly - I really get fed up with the fact that it's generally assumed that men's sex drives are usually higher than women's.

My sex drive is ridiculously high. In all seriousness i'd ideally have sex twice a day every day, come what may. I've got 3 kids and my sex drive has never wavered.

DHs sex drive is pretty average i think - I've experimented with this and if i don't initiate anything he cruises at around 2/3 times a week. (Xs have been more or less the same).

I 'sort myself out' everyday. Sex with DH that day or not.

so secondly i agree with the majority here - I wouldn't blackmail my DH with ideas that my sex drive is his problem, or hint at straying because of it. The best i can think is that your DH has just worded his thoughts clumsily OP. It's his job to wrok with you on this, not give out thinly veiled threats.

Lucyellensmum95 Sun 24-Feb-13 17:17:24

MGTOW - its This isn't it?? I knew it!

ChoudeBruxelles Sun 24-Feb-13 17:20:39

Really? You're surprised he's wanking? Blokes wank (so do women). Even when they have a very active sex life.

Lucyellensmum95 Sun 24-Feb-13 17:29:44

and your point is ChoudeBruxelles? maybe you shoudl read the thread

RobDile197 Sun 24-Feb-13 19:50:00

NandH, any strong man who has a problem with women pleasuring themselves sexually is a weak person indeed. I'd be shocked if you are allowed to read this harmless comment before some other angry person reports it! That's the state of our society where some women are seriously threatened by honest views! LOL!

RobDile197 Sun 24-Feb-13 19:52:36

Anyfucker says men like me cannot get a girlfriend. I would agree with that. I am not looking for a GIRLfriend. Never have. I only go out with women. Good, healthy, self confident, feminine women. Not girls.

RobDile197 Sun 24-Feb-13 19:55:06

Karlos, name calling and insults was something we all experienced in the school playground. Its time to drop that, and face the issues. Men and women have to get along or our kids are truly lost. If we cannot engage with views which differ from ours without demanding that they be silenced, then it is a very sad world indeed. Would you not agree?

RobDile197 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:31:18

Lucyellensmum: thanks for that link to the 2 Ronnies. Gave us a nice blast of laughter on this wonderful Sunday evening! Now do continue to look at that mgtow stuff. Its got some eye openers, trust me.

Fluffyraggies: yours is one of the most balanced and realistic comments on the thread. Keep it up and best wishes with your relationship!

Lucyellensmum95 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:35:12

"Anyfucker says men like me cannot get a girlfriend. I would agree with that. I am not looking for a GIRLfriend. Never have. I only go out with women. Good, healthy, self confident, feminine women. Not girls. "

Oh, bless!

The problem is mr dile, is that you have proven that you can't do just that - you decided what people meant by their posts, chose to totally miss the point that the overwhelming majority of the folk (male and female) on this thread agreed that masturbation is perfectly healthy and very likely if people aren't getting it for real. So why you started throwing your toys about that is beyond me.

"men and women have to get along" err, yeah we know that - most men and women do! We all rub along together quite nicely i feel. If i dislike someone it is generally because they are a fuckwit and it matters not what sex they are.

AnyFucker Sun 24-Feb-13 20:35:18

what is your definition of "feminine" women, rob ?

Lucyellensmum95 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:37:26

But fluffy is pretty much saying what the rest of us said - what is it about her post that you liked so much then? While the rest of us are all men hating hags?

Glad you enjoyed the link, its quite a old one - i remember from Sunday evening Two ronnies - in 1976!

Lucyellensmum95 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:38:08

One that says "yes Sir" and chews her bottom lip off now doubt anyfucker wink

AnyFucker Sun 24-Feb-13 20:40:28

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RobDile197 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:45:24

Lucyellensmum: Well, I'll disagree that I threw anything about. Pity my previous comments have been removed due to the hostility of others who cannot tolerate a different view. I'd waste my time and more bandwith repeating them so that someone else asks for them to be removed.

Its also very helpful for me if you address my views as you, not as 'we' as in 'yeah WE know that'. I'll argue that there are many women on this forum whose passionate (albeit unconscious) belief is that 'all men bad, all women good'. They only have to tolerate men, but they see no value or positive about men.

Youy may disagree with that, but there.

Lucyellensmum95 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:45:42

Oh i don't know AF, he is quite entertaining really, i do like watching somoene make an utter arse of himself ;) Besides, half term is finished this week!

Lucyellensmum95 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:49:07

I just think that it is really sad that you feel that way mrvile - just as all men are not simpering little fuckwits, not all women are men haters either. In fact, most of us quite like them. (so long as they know their place!)

Seriously, it is obvious that you have been hurt quite badly and maybe you need to adress that personally rather than get caught up with wanky websites like MGTOW - its hardly conducive to us all getting along. Because the thing is, for the most part - we do (men and women). Many many succesful loving relationships and families, wanking or not!

AnyFucker Sun 24-Feb-13 20:50:08

ah well, your choice if you want to engage with it, LEM

knock yourself out

CognitiveOverload Sun 24-Feb-13 20:52:12

Why are you questioning if you love him? He's not doing anything wrong by pleasuring himself.

Lucyellensmum95 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:52:20

nup - its an early bath for me AF smile I just feel kinda sorry for him

RobDile197 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:55:38

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