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what if dh tells you hes wanking?

(108 Posts)
arabellaandbaby Tue 19-Feb-13 22:36:05

i dont know where to start and havent told anyone in RL as im too embarrassed and ashamed.

my dh has told me recently that hes really unhappy with our sex life. his sex drive is much higher than mine and i often turn him away as im so tired physically and mentally from working such long hours and also looking after our 3yo dd. dh also works long hours but doesnt seem fazed by it at all.

last night, he basically admitted to me that hes been 'pleasuring himself' because he doesnt get enough from me. i told him i cant do it when im so tired and stressed after a long day at work but he said he loves me, and has to resort to sorting himself out in order not to stray. he said to me he now understands why many men stray when in a relationship that does not satisfy them sexually as men are built to need sex.

i feel so unhappy that i cant satisfy his needs. he says he doesnt want to force me when clearly, my body language is telling him im not in the mood.

what do i do? hes starting to question whether i lov hin

Lucyellensmum95 Sat 23-Feb-13 21:53:47

I was ready to come in and say - well if he isn't getting his end away then FGS let him have one off the wrist, whats the problem, but thts not what he said is it. Its all the underlying "to stop me from straying" and " i can see why men stray" bullshit that came with it. That is pressurising and manipulative - horrible bastard, no wonder she doesnt want to have sex with him!

Bowlersarm Sat 23-Feb-13 21:54:46

Weird from above poster so ignore. However agree with lots on here in that masturbation an absolutely ok part of a healthy relationship. If there are strings attached or guilt then that isn't normal

RobDile197 Sun 24-Feb-13 08:44:32

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

perceptionreality Sun 24-Feb-13 10:34:14

What custardo said

butterflyroom Sun 24-Feb-13 10:39:58

Is RobDile rhyming slang?

AnyFucker Sun 24-Feb-13 10:42:55

Rob, not just "any man" would post the bullshit you do

There are other male posters on this board that don't spout Bollocks

Watch and learn, your ignorance is showing

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Sun 24-Feb-13 10:43:05

RobVile197 - it's funny how the male poster ineedabodytransplant didn't get deleted and yours did isn't it? Perhaphs he was able to get his POV over without being offensive?

BelaLugosisShed Sun 24-Feb-13 11:50:40

This board used to be a safe space for women and a very good place for help and advice , in the past year or so it has been taken over by shit stirrers and people with certain agendas, the same has happened on FWR, a coincidence? I doubt it.

It's sad to have to view practically every post with cynical deep suspicion and bad news for the women with genuine issues who really need help, I don't think this board is capable of that anymore, sadly. sad

It's turned into MRA / Punter city. angry Are some men really so threatened by women having a voice?

RobDile197 Sun 24-Feb-13 13:35:33

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

AnyFucker Sun 24-Feb-13 13:38:28

Some woman has really hurt you rob

Was it mummy ? <head tilt>

RobDile197 Sun 24-Feb-13 13:41:53

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Lucyellensmum95 Sun 24-Feb-13 13:50:44

Robvile i do think that there can be a slight tendancy (ok maybe more than slight) to be anti-men on here but generally the women and men who post here, post considered repsponses to what is presented to them. You however have chosen to not read the OP properly and none of the responses either. I dont think anyone on this thread has said that there is anything wrong with wanking. In fact, quite the opposite but this, as you well know, is not the problem with the OPs husband. She is shattered and doesn't feel like sex as much (that doesnt make her sexless hmm) he is is having one of the wrist, fine. He tells her he is sorting himself out - fine. But where it stops being fine is where the fuckwit makes underlying threats to stray. What he should have said was - "im having to sort myself out, which i don't mind but i am missing intimacy - is there somewhing WE can do to see if we can get that back?" but he didn't You knokw this but you have shot yourelf in the foot by using it as an excuse to launch a diatribe about how evil women are taking over the world - it reminds me of a two ronnies sketch actually, its very funny. And thats the thing, you clearly have issues and had you come onto one of the boards and said "my wife has treated me terribly, i have this problem etc etc" you might be surprised with the empathy you would have recieved. You could still do that - but you'll have to change your name, else no one will tke you seriously after this thread.

Looiloo79 Sun 24-Feb-13 13:51:05

I wouldn't have a problem with it. Have often encouraged OH to have a wank if I'm knackered or can't be arsed. Men seem to have a higher sex drive than women. I'd rather him be able to be honest with me than feel like he's betraying me. And also would rather him have a wank than look elsewhere smile

Fallenangle Sun 24-Feb-13 13:55:15

To sum up what nearly everyone is saying. His wanking is ok. His talking about straying (if it is to make the OP feel guilty) is not. Why the bunfight?
Perhaps if he has surplus energy he should do some of the things currently done by the OP so she has more energy, then she may have the energy for sex.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Possiblyoutedled Sun 24-Feb-13 14:03:33

and has to resort to sorting himself out in order not to stray. he said to me he now understands why many men stray when in a relationship that does not satisfy them sexually as men are built to need sex

This is bolocks by the way.

There is nothing wrong with wanking. Most people do.
But to pretend he's doing it as some sort of favour to you to stop him cheating is nonsense. Is he saying that if he doesn't rank he has a bevy of willing females waiting in the side lines to see to his " special man needs"
Ha ha ha

Possiblyoutedled Sun 24-Feb-13 14:04:13

X posted beer

Lucyellensmum95 Sun 24-Feb-13 14:04:48

Well said beertricks!! Also i think its pretty sad that men have to hide the need for affection (maybe they confuse this) and intimacy with the need to get their rocks off. DP and I are going through a bit a dry patch (pardon the pun) and after a while i feel less close to him and i need to have sex to restore the intimacy. I masturbate quite a lot (lets face it, i can get myself off in minutes, it takes DP hours!!!) and its good stress relief - i often tell DP that i have done it, (he finds that arousing) and he tells me although i get a bit "oh thanks for leaving me out" about it hmm. Its just the whinging that i coudlnt put up with - and like people have said, if he made an effort to make the OP feel sexy and loved then maybe she might find some desire!

Totally agree with Beer!
He is not unreasonable to relieve himself when need be, but to then nag you ...definetly not. Yanbu to be pissed off!

BitBewildered Sun 24-Feb-13 14:36:43

Most people wank. It's normal and healthy.

The OP's DH is making veiled threats about infidelity and trying to coerce her into having sex she doesn't actually want. That is not normal or healthy.

TDada Sun 24-Feb-13 14:38:07

I missed what sounds like a post from RobDile that I disagree with entirely.

However, a friend of mine thinks that he does everything that is asked of him at home but that he wants to have intimacy a lot more than his DW.....he loves his DW too much to cheat but thinks that she would rather him have a covert affair although she would not admit it to him. Complicated? Sometimes these issues cannot be reconciled and one party has to live with a level of dissatisfaction....hopefully compensated by other positive feelings in the relationship?

NandH Sun 24-Feb-13 15:54:05

rob if your going to turn this into a men vs woman type of argument then answer me this...

I have no problem with men wanking at all, its natural, but why do men see it as a threat if women do it too? I've always been open in relationships I've been in and every man has seen it as an insult or become insucure to hear that I do it too and better than they can

why is it exeptable for men to wank and not women?

AnyFucker Sun 24-Feb-13 16:13:03

NanH, I think you might find Rob has lost his right to reply wink

however, I haven't had the same experience as you with men that have a problem with women pleasuring themselves

I find only insecure fuckwit men think like that, so I reckon you have been unlucky in your choices

BitBewildered Sun 24-Feb-13 16:20:14

I just googled RobDile's 'MGTOW'. Fucking depressed about the state of the world now. I mean WTAF?

AnyFucker Sun 24-Feb-13 16:21:44

Utterly pathetic, ain't it ?

Fucking inadequate pillocks

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