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Feel so pathetic (wedding related)

(19 Posts)

Hi everyone, apologies if this is in the wrong place.

I'm getting married in September, am soo excited and head over heels in love with DP. So what's the bloody problem?

Well I've never really had many friends...I have one close friend whom I see occasionally and a few friends from work. Our wedding is being kept small in numbers, under the false claim by me that 'we just want to keep it small and personal' which isn't the case at all, truth is I'm having trouble finding enough people to invite who aren't family.

I'd originally wanted to elope to avoid any lack-of-friends humiliation, but upon announcing our engagement, our parents were so excited we felt kind of bad for not including them and truth be told I really do want people there.

Of the handful of friends I am inviting, I have attended their weddings over the past few years...all were huge in numbers, all had what seemed like a countless number of friends there and everyone had an amazing day. Even my bridesmaids are family members blush

Bottom line is I'm just terrified my reception is going to be a total embarrassment, nobody enjoying themselves, barely enough people to fill a room blush and cruel whispers at how I have hardly any friends to celebrate with.

I'm really just looking for some reassurance that it won't be as bad as I imagine...I know I shouldn't care what people think but it's hard not too and I've always been an insecure freak. Has anyone else had a similar situation and still enjoyed themselves?

Ps: I am truly grateful to be in the position of marrying someone I love and apologise for sounding so ungrateful.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Tue 19-Feb-13 10:06:09

Don't be silly Tap some of the best parties are small ones! My cousin got married recently and only had 3 friends come. The rest was family.

Just have a wonderful day! smile

Your day will be perfect stop worrying. You'll be surrounded by people you care about and who love you. My wedding was a really small affair with mainly just family because we were doing it on the cheap and it was lovely, I felt I was able to see and chat to everyone and it felt far more personal than some larger weddings that I have been to. Relax and enjoy your day with your lovely Husband to be smile.

harryhausen Tue 19-Feb-13 10:21:42

Oh Tap. Please don't fret. Small weddings are the BESTgrin

When I was about 14, my wise old nan told me that if I got to her age and could count my good friends on one hand I'd be a lucky woman. At the time I thought she was crazy. As a teenager of course I thought I had a huge amount if friends. Although, I as got to the wise old age of 40, I can begin to see what she means. I have at the moment, what I consider to be proper friends - about 4. These are people I can call on, rely on, lean on, laugh with, be totally at ease with. The rest are good acquaintances.

I've been to weddings where people invite people they barely know, just for a big 'show'. The best wedding I went to was a small do of about 30. Not only was I wonderfully flattered to be there, it was the best atmosphere as everyone was included.

No-one will think anything about there not being many people there.

Have a wonderful day and enjoygrin

Lueji Tue 19-Feb-13 10:25:37

What are the actual numbers, though?

Many people invite colleagues, friends of parents, etc.

Not all of us have to have lots of friends. Some keep a small number of good friends, others have a large network of probably more acquaintances than true friends.

Don't feel bad about how many friends you have. Just enjoy the party.

vitaminC Tue 19-Feb-13 10:30:35

I'm getting married in April, Tap, and DF and I have invited our parents, our kids and one friend each (plus their respective spouses)!

Quiet register office do, followed by a slap-up meal in a very nice restaurant for the 20 of us (12 adults, 8 kids/teens). I couldn't be happier smile

Both of us have been married before and did the whole big white wedding thing, formal dinner etc. It was honestly very stressful and I didn't enjoy myself much that day. This time around it's so different and I'm happy to only have invited the people who are really most important to us!

Mumsyblouse Tue 19-Feb-13 10:31:14

Small weddings are lovely, I had one. But don't feel the need to go to a big hotel and have huge reception rooms and not fill them. We had a meal in a very swanky restaurant with about 10 people, including us, in a small private room. It was way cheaper than a big reception and great fun. You should take advantage of having fewer people there, and go for quality over quantity, and it's lovely your family want to share your special day.

izzyizin Tue 19-Feb-13 10:40:34

Of the numerous weddings I've attended, a few have had guest lists in excess of 1000 and some had only a handful of close friends and family members present.

All were enjoyable occasions but, despite the excessive lavish scale on which some of those nuptials were celebrated, the most memorable have been those where, by virtue of the relatively few guests in attendance, I felt privileged to have been invited.

The carefully chosen guests who attend your intimate and exclusive wedding will create an atmosphere of genuine love and affection for you and your groom - enjoy your big day!

BerylStreep Tue 19-Feb-13 10:43:55

It will be fine, honestly. I hate going to big weddings, where no-one really knows anyone else.

I was a bit outnumbered at our wedding on the family stakes - my Mum and 4 siblings, versus the entire extended Streep family.

I know it is a cliche, but it's only one day, and it's the rest of your life that matters.

BerylStreep Tue 19-Feb-13 10:45:13

Wow Izzy, over a 1000! I don't even know 1000 people.

SisterMonicaJoan Tue 19-Feb-13 10:52:45

There were 18 people at my wedding (including me and DH!) and it was beautiful! I felt relaxed as they were people I felt comfortable around. Then we went for a lovely lunch at a posh hotel which meant we could interact around the table . It also meant everyone felt involved rather than feeling they where there to make the numbers up.

You'll have a lovely day and congratulations! smile

izzyizin Tue 19-Feb-13 10:52:51

The respective brides and grooms didn't know 500 people each either, Beryl, but their high achieving/socially ambitious dps with favours to return/networking to set in cement did grin

boardingschoolbaby Tue 19-Feb-13 10:56:24

OP Please don't be panicky all. We both have massive families so had no choice but for weddings in our families to be huge. However my 2 sister in laws weddings are coming up soon and my husband and I were sitting chatting about the many weddings we have attended (been together over 15years). We both agreed that the loveliest wedding of all was one the one of my best friend- we knew no one there apart from her brother and his girlfriend as her there were only 40 guests in total and everyone was family except us, and her family live a long way away from where she lives. What I will say is that everyone there felt so privileged to be part of such a wonderful occasion and everyone made a real effort to speak to everyone else because the numbers weren't so daunting. It was years ago but as I said, stands head and shoulders above all of the others as it had such a different and wonderful feel. Invite those you love and care about and don't worry about the number that that totals to. Ultimately they are the only ones that you want there on your special day anyway. Have a fantastic time. Xx

BlueberryHill Tue 19-Feb-13 10:59:35

I felt precisely the same which is why we waited about 10 years before we got married (although I never told DH this), I did feel a bit outnumbered, we are a small family and I didn't have many friends, in all we invited about 60 people.

We had a great day, don't worry, it was relaxed and I knew everyone there. Please relax and enjoy it.

Congratulations.

Hello. I used to have similar concerns (not about the number of people but whether people would enjoy themselves) about birthdays. I had a large wedding (divorced now but was still fun at the time) but the thing about weddings is the love in the room and if it is a small gathering then this is intensified. Wedding's are magical and number could not matter in the least. I have been to some quite 'fancy' and large weddings over the years in the UK and many 'bells and whistles' ones abroad but one of the nicest I went to was when a girl at Uni got pregnant during USA exchange year and (although wanted to) 'had' to get married for visa reasons quickly when 8 months pregnant. Cue city hall, 10 people in pub, ripped up beer mats for confetti. GORGEOUS and memorable (and they are still together 23 years later). Enjoy and don't stress. All will be well x

ONe of the most memorable weddings I went to was about 10 people - bride and groom's parents, B&g, two friends, and me and the other witness (who were the exes of the bride and groom).
We had lunch in a nearby hotel, the wedding was in the registry office, then the happy couple went off on honeymoon, their parents back to the hotel for afternoon tea and the rest of us off to the pub. That couple will have been married for 20 years next month.

fluffyraggies Tue 19-Feb-13 14:56:53

PM'd you OP smile

Pancakeflipper Tue 19-Feb-13 15:06:01

It will be lovely. On a practical level don't hire out Wembley arena for 20 of you cos' you will feel echo'y and lost.

But smaller weddings are lovely because as BoardingSchoolBaby says - for some reason lower numbers mean everyone seems to relax more, smile more and make a bigger effort to get chatting with people. I have been to a few weddings where we knew no-one except the bride and groom and ended up having such a good giggle with the people there.

It will be gorgeous.

KeatsiePie Tue 19-Feb-13 15:07:17

Oh honey, I totally understand and remember this feeling. I was afraid that my wedding would make me look the same way. But it was wonderful. On the day, you won't feel it that way. The small group will mean that you'll be able to really see at the time and really remember later the love on every face, what people said, what jokes they made, etc. All best wishes x.

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