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DH lies, any advice?

(29 Posts)
RueTheDay Tue 19-Feb-13 06:13:18

It's usually just about 1 thing and I don't know if I'm overreacting. We have a regular cycle where I catch him smoking, he apologises for lying about it and says he'll stop, soon after he'll give it up then, without fail, I catch him smoking again within a few weeks/months.

I don't care that he smokes (though money's tight and I resent him spending on cigarettes). I care that he's lying and sneaking about. I feel he's playing the role of a rebellious teenager and cast me as his overbearing mother that he can't talk to. Every time I catch him I lose respect for him and think so much less of the man I married. It makes me think what else is he up to, and I find myself being suspicious of everything he does for weeks. It takes me weeks to start getting back to normal, then I catch him at it again.

We have a toddler and I'm pregnant, if we didn't, I think I'd have asked him to leave this time.

Our relationship is fine otherwise. He's a great father. In the past he has lied about other stuff. A few years ago he ran up a lot of debt gambling but we dealt with that and I have control of the money now so it's not been an issue again. But every time he lies about bloody smoking it brings back all the paranoia about that incident.

Any advice? Should I just let it go and stop caring about the smoking? He seems incapable of growing up and being honest with me so I don't know what else I can do.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 19-Feb-13 11:10:45

"He's not starting again to spite you,"

I disagree.... He is making false promises and then painting the OP as the Bad Guy when he had no intention of carrying through in the first place. The grown-up way to approach quitting smoking would be to ask for support, be open if the addiction is proving too compelling - basically to take responsibility for his own actions.

Blaming someone else for his broken promises, failings and behaving so deliberately dishonestly in the process is irresponsible, spiteful and defiant.

bunnyearsahoy Tue 19-Feb-13 13:35:34

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bunnyearsahoy Tue 19-Feb-13 13:39:11

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BesameBesame Tue 19-Feb-13 19:02:13

I got to cogs first post and stopped reading.

She has it.

He lies.

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