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Second date

(81 Posts)
ConfuzzledMummy Mon 18-Feb-13 19:23:37

I recently met a man and were seeing each other. On Saturday we went out to an Italian and had a few drinks. He admitted after he's a bit skint so I suggested we stay in this Friday and watch a film or something. Is this a bit weird to do considering its only our second date?

ConfuzzledMummy Thu 21-Feb-13 21:12:29

My libido will be well and truly tucked up...AF arrived yesterday sad

AnyFucker Thu 21-Feb-13 20:18:01

that's nice

have a good time

take only a bottle of wine (and your libido..)

ConfuzzledMummy Thu 21-Feb-13 20:07:21

Update: He's asked me round to his and he's going to cook for me tomorrow night smile

AnyFucker Wed 20-Feb-13 00:18:28

I can believe it smile

ImperialBlether Wed 20-Feb-13 00:14:16

Hey, I didn't mean it was! Just there are so many cases of men on dating sites thinking their very existence is everything that's needed by a woman and hey, if the woman wants them that much, they can pay for everything, too.

Maybe a spell on a dating site would make things clearer for you, AF! You wouldn't bloody believe it, I promise you.

ConfuzzledMummy Tue 19-Feb-13 22:14:55

Its nice to hear some success stories where money isn't the be all and end all of a relationship!

deedotty Tue 19-Feb-13 21:44:45

Aye, I think important to read "intentions" and look at the guy, rather than look at the details of what exactly a date can provide/pay for? There's a grey area between has spare cash to wine and dine every week and cocklodger and I think a lot of good men are in that grey area?

My ex husband is a City type so can/could easily afford the Michelin starred restaurants or the week away or whatever. But he's just "inside" quite a peevish, tight, "out for what he can get" man, and this was reflected in other things of our relationship angry

But I know guys who are skint who just have a more generous mentality. One of my guy friends is on NMW but will sub those with less than him, friends and dates.

If he's dating it won't be the Savoy but he will find somewhere "nice" even if it is dirt cheap and likes doing "manly" things like walking the girl home (then walking back home again himself ha ha wink) even if he can't afford to give her £20 for a taxi, or contributing as much as he can financially and doing as many "blokey odd jobs" as possible. He doesn't online date and never is actively looking for dates but doesn't struggle for attention, because he adds value/masculinity to a woman's life, even if its not in straight monetary terms.

ConfuzzledMummy Tue 19-Feb-13 21:16:17

That's my thoughts exactly!

AnyFucker Tue 19-Feb-13 21:00:07

I think the important aspect is that one is not taking advantage of the other (financially-wise)

If a skint bloke just wanted to ponce off me all the time, I wouldn't be impressed

But if he used his imagination, and thought of cheap and inventive things to do (instead of being happy to come to my place, eat all my food, drink all my wine, warm his tootsies at my fire etc) that would be ok

ConfuzzledMummy Tue 19-Feb-13 20:33:03

No it wasn't a dating site imperial, that's a very good point anyfucker!

AnyFucker Tue 19-Feb-13 20:14:06

It does sound a bit nuts, IB. Do financially-challenged people not deserve any romantic interaction with the opposite (or indeed, same) sex ? wink

ImperialBlether Tue 19-Feb-13 19:32:48

Was he on a dating site? This might sound nuts but I think if a man is too broke to date he shouldn't be on a dating site. Neither should a woman (before I'm shot.)

thesnootyfox Tue 19-Feb-13 19:28:17

Staying in is the new going out. It would be daft of him to go out to restaurants and bars if he can't afford to. At least he is being honest!

If you don't want a skint boyfriend that is fair enough but if you want this to develop into something you will have to accept that going out will be a rarity.

ConfuzzledMummy Tue 19-Feb-13 19:19:25

He hasn't brokered anything, i asked him round to my house BEFORE he told me he was a bit short. So it was my idea. Anyway i have told him my friend is staying with me and 3 is a crowd! So I've left the ball in his court and we'll see what happens smile

The man im seeing now well our first date was during the day, food and cinema. Our second was valentines where we watched a couple of films at mine and third was the zoo.

I didn't think it mattered where the date was as long as you enjoyed it. I'm easily pleased though and like the simple things grin

SorryMyLollipop Tue 19-Feb-13 19:13:49

I would be a bit hmm at him saying that he is skint at this stage. He seems to be managing your financially low expectations of him. We all get skint from time to time, but to tell you so early on and use it as way to broker a cheap non date?

If he was making an effort then he could surely, at least, borrow a few quid from a mate for the cinema?

I think you are setting the bar very low by going nowhere for a second date. It will set a boring and lazy precedent at a very early stage.

Why not wait til the end of the month?

AnyFucker Tue 19-Feb-13 16:02:17

grin

ConfuzzledMummy Tue 19-Feb-13 15:52:06

Lol I quite like it!

AnyFucker Tue 19-Feb-13 15:46:42

hun

hun

he called you hun ?????????

Dump. The. Fucker.

wink

ConfuzzledMummy Tue 19-Feb-13 15:25:19

I've told him he just said ok no probs hun smile

ConfuzzledMummy Tue 19-Feb-13 15:15:06

Ok well he's ringing me later so ill let you know how it goes grin

izzyizin Tue 19-Feb-13 15:13:19

That's what I'd do - what you do is, of course, entirely up to you, honey smile

ConfuzzledMummy Tue 19-Feb-13 15:00:42

So I just tell him my friends staying over but I can go out/go to his?

Blackden Tue 19-Feb-13 14:58:51

Ok Confuzzled, understand it better now.
If it was me - because I'm a tad mercenary grin - I'd want to go out. But you're ok with staying in , so that's fine, but I'd really suggest to go to his and see what effort he makes.
Have fun!

izzyizin Tue 19-Feb-13 14:52:02

happy with simple stuff like taking a Thermos and sitting in a park

In the middle of winter, dee? shock I can't think of much worse for a second date than sitting by a frozen duckpond with a thermos of tomato soup for warmth - unless, of course, we were waiting for the helicopter to land and whisk us off to the private jet that's revved up ready to take us to Cannes grin

Tell him that as one your pal's is staying over Friday night at yours is out but you're available for a night out, albeit this may consist of staying in at his if he hasn't got sufficient readies for a few hours in his local.

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