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Awful Date - Was I Right To Walk Out?

(84 Posts)
Zilvernblue Mon 18-Feb-13 15:59:49

Online dating. Arranged to meet for a coffee. I got there a few minutes early, so just got my coffee and went and sat at a table to wait. I got a text from him saying he would be a couple of minutes late. 30 minutes later, no sign of him. I then got a text from him asking "You still coming?". I replied that I'd been there half an hour already, had had my coffee and was thinking of going home. He replied "Where are you?" and I replied that I was sitting at a corner table facing the entrance. 5 minutes later, still no sign of him, so I got up and started to make my way out. I get quite nervous meeting new people and this just threw me, as I thought he'd stood me up.

I bumped into him on the way out and it was a bit awkward, he started saying he had waited by the entrance doors to catch me on my way in. I said I didn't have that much time now, but we could maybe get a quick coffee. I must have pissed him off by sounding a bit reluctant/uncertain, because he started umming and ahhing when I said this, so I just walked off.

No text from him to apologise or explain, nothing. Was I being a bit impatient or would others have done the same? I did have to be somewhere afterwards.

kalidanger Mon 18-Feb-13 16:04:00

Yes, I would have done the same! Please don't feel the least bit bad about your reaction.

neontetra Mon 18-Feb-13 16:06:13

He doesn't sound like a keeper to me! You did the right thing.

PaulInHolland Mon 18-Feb-13 16:07:27

Did you specify beforehand exactly where in the coffeeshop you were going to meet? If not then you are both BU for not having done thatvand ending-up assuming different things. Unless the weather is wet or too cold,then I always prefer to meet by the entrance-then you know who is waiting to meet someone and in the daytime you have more light to better recognise someone.

theoriginalandbestrookie Mon 18-Feb-13 16:07:34

No he sounds like a twit. I once missed someone because I was waiting outside and he was inside even though I wandered round to try and find him.

Online dating also has a bit of karma to it as well I reckon, so you weren't meant to be with this bloke.

I met my now DH soon after the stand up incident if its any consolation.

Dahlen Mon 18-Feb-13 16:07:57

If you really need to ask if this is ok, I'm not sure you should be dating at all.

Being late for a first date is the height of rudeness, and barring death or an accident, there are no excuses. If something comes up, it is nearly always possible to get a message through so that you don't leave someone hanging on for more than 35 minutes.

He said he thought you would be waiting outside. Why? You told him you'd had coffee inside. He used that as an excuse to account for not being anywhere near as close as he claimed to be when he said he was on his way. So he's a liar who thinks you are a bit thick as well as being unpunctual. And he's also rude and displaying an overwhelming sense of superiority by not sending an apology text even if he expects never to see/hear from you again.

You are well rid.

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm Mon 18-Feb-13 16:08:25

Waiting for 45 minutes for a guy to turn up.....

A. you have the patience of a saint
b. he has no manners

Waiting at the entrance to catch you on your way in ? When you had told him where you are ? Weirdo.

MillyStar Mon 18-Feb-13 16:15:34

Sounds to me like he was very very nervous about walking in and he didn't know whether to leave or not, i bet he stood outside the whole time you were in there trying to pluck up the courage, wouldn't surprise me if he had peeped round and saw you then coincidentally decided to walk in just as you were leaving!

Not a keeper either way, you need a confident man not a mouse

kalidanger Mon 18-Feb-13 16:18:36

I must have pissed him off

Don't you dare think that!

DoctorAnge Mon 18-Feb-13 16:19:09

It sounds like he wanted to see what you looked like before he went in

You are well rid

Zilvernblue Mon 18-Feb-13 16:25:00

Thanks all, I wasn't impressed! Was quite funny I suppose and yes I think par for the course for online dating. I'm going to stop doing it.

I guess he didn't know I was inside but I wasn't going to hang around a doorway on my own waiting for him! If it was the other way around I would have simply gone in the cafe to have a look for him. I honestly don't know Milly, without blowing my own trumpet, I'm an attractive woman and he was a bit on the ugly side, I kind of think he was lucky to get a date with me.

What is it with these guys on online dating that they can't simply meet someone for coffee? Even arranging it was hard work. He suggested Saturday and I agreed and asked where he suggested to meet. He replied "Anywhere in town suits me". He knows I come from out of town and have to drive in, so I was a bit stumped and didn't reply.

After I didn't reply, he eventually suggested a Costa in a shopping centre, which was fine by me, but no time, so I texted back asking if 11am was too early because I was meeting a friend at 12. He replied saying he didn't finish work til 2 (how was I supposed to know he worked on a Saturday?) but could I wait til then? I replied no, I didn't want to hang around for too long after meeting my friend and what about 4.30pm in a garden centre near me which has a coffee shop/restaurant. Argh - why couldn't he just have suggested a time and place himself? No great loss!

izzyizin Mon 18-Feb-13 16:36:57

If I arrange to meet someone outside of a venue, I would expect them to be there unless they let me know they had decided to wait inside for my arrival.

If you were seated where you could easily see the entrance and didn't spot him, I suspect he arrived considerably later than the acceptable 5 or so minutes and most probably only got there as you were leaving.

I also suspect he didn't look like a Greek god or have charm oozing from every pore otherwise you'd have found time for another coffee or would have arranged another date on the spot smile

twentythirteen Mon 18-Feb-13 16:39:01

If it's that tricky at that stage then progress no further!!!

MillyStar Mon 18-Feb-13 16:39:16

Oh good he sounds like a right tool!!

izzyizin Mon 18-Feb-13 16:39:49

Slow typist - x posted with you.

No loss, but next time do make it clear whether the meeting is to take place inside or outside of the venue otherwise you might miss out on said Greek god/charmer.

supergreenuk Mon 18-Feb-13 16:48:17

It's great you have the confidence to say your attractive. It's sad you can so easily describe someone as ugly though. Such an ugly word.

supergreenuk Mon 18-Feb-13 16:54:49

IMO you didn't communicate to each other if you would meet inside or outside. He said he would be a bit late but got there and waited for you. Then text to ask where you were so it sounds like he had no idea.
I think you were rude to just walk off and I wouldn't have text you after that to apologise for being late either.

he was a bit on the ugly side, I kind of think he was lucky to get a date with me

Sounds like he had a lucky escape IMO.

HandbagCrab Mon 18-Feb-13 17:21:20

Relationships shouldn't be hard work. He sounds hard work op. I hope you enjoyed your costa smile

izzyizin Mon 18-Feb-13 17:26:13

I guess he didn't know I was inside but I wasn't going to hang around a doorway on my own waiting for him!

What do you expect your dates to be? Mind readers?

If you're meeting a random off the net for the first time I can't think of anything more embarassing than meeting them inside a venue where others may be earwigging the 'are you... i'm...' initial greetings and eavesdropping on the subsequent conversation because their curiousity has been piqued as mine would be.

And how do you spot them in a crowded place? Are they required to wear a red carnation and carry a rolled up newspaper or do you wear an item that will stop traffic make you stand out from the hordes?

elastamum Mon 18-Feb-13 17:34:22

He sounds odd. Have done loads of internet dating before I met my DP and can honestly say that I have never had a problem finding anyone I was supposed to be meeting, either inside or outside a venue.

If he wasnt able to walk in and find you I would say he was not worth worrying about. Walking up to strangers is part of the game, you need to get over the embarrassment, if you want to date people. It is only a coffee FGS. There are lots of normal people internet dating. In my office ALL of us over 40's who have long term partners they met after uni met on the internet.

elastamum Mon 18-Feb-13 17:36:44

Oh and just remember, if they mess you around at the start when they are supposed to be on their best behaviour to impress you, it usually doesnt get any better

Zilvernblue Mon 18-Feb-13 17:38:51

It was freezing; I wasn't going to hang around a doorway, getting in the way of people coming out the garden centre with their trolleys, for half an hour when I could be sitting in the cafeteria. I felt really self conscious on my own and thought I'd been stood up. I had also asked him what he was going to be wearing and he had replied "Beanie hat lol", without asking me what I'd be wearing or where I'd sit.

It is true; I could have texted him to ask him where he was, and tell him I was in the cafe, but I thought he might have worked it out himself in the half hour I was there, or that simple curiosity might have led him to come inside and have a look for me. Or he could have simply phoned me.

I felt I'd already had to run around after him suggesting the time and place, and if he couldn't get to the venue in time or make some effort to find me in the half hour I was sitting there, then why should I do any more?

I mentioned his being ugly, because (a) he was, (b) if he'd actually turned up he might have impressed me with his personality and charm and I wouldn't have found him ugly at all and (c) I still think he was trying in some way to see whether I was in some way "good enough" for him to have the bloody coffee with, rather than simply turning up and seeing how it went.

I have to admit I prefer a man who has a little bit of initiative.

LouiseFisher Mon 18-Feb-13 17:38:56

You did the right thing...dont worry about it! A true gent would keep contacting you and apologize for a mix-up!

Zilvernblue Mon 18-Feb-13 17:44:33

*Dragon Soup he was a bit on the ugly side, I kind of think he was lucky to get a date with me

Sounds like he had a lucky escape IMO*

I saw him from his photo on the dating site and physically he didn't appeal, but I thought he might be a nice guy and would have given him a chance. OTOH he went on about how he found my photos attractive. I think the least he could have done was to turn up on time.

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