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Porn, should I be concerned?

(93 Posts)
Jamandcheese Mon 18-Feb-13 05:06:41

So, I've found out today that DH watches porn when I'm in bed. We have two DC under two so I get tires early an by 9.30 need my bed.

I know men watch porn. But the thing is we don't have sex anymore. Maybe once or twice evey two months. It use to be twice or three times a week. I'm concerned about the lack of sex and have tried to bring it up with DH but it always turns into a row.

DH had a one night stand over a year ago which we have worked through. On some days it's good, but the days that the reminders come up, it's crap.

Should I be worried that we don't have sex anymore but he gets his jolly with porn instead?

AnyFucker Tue 19-Feb-13 23:34:58

Oh heck, I forgot "uptight"

Silly me.

< dabs bingo card >

krimbles Tue 19-Feb-13 23:39:47

Apology accepted. It was vile to imply that I am excusing sexual abuse. I am not saying men will resort to violence if they are stopped from watching porn by over zealous partners. They will just do it in private and where they will not be caught.

cronullansw Tue 19-Feb-13 23:41:24

Cogito said earlier, that OP should worry about anything taking place of their normal physical relationship.

Which is true...... two little ones, 30lbs extra, anti-d's, loss of confidence, loss of trust, checking phones history.

Surely all of these will be adding to the problem won't they? But instead of discussing these, it's 's OP hubby's porn use and lack of emotional support that is obviously the problem according to posters.

AnyFucker Tue 19-Feb-13 23:46:19

krim...your posts are full of sweeping myths about male sexuality

why should you be bothered if I add another one in ?

I would be ashamed to go on a thread where an OP is upset and post such male-appeasing stuff as you have. And you make a habit of it too. How vile.

krimbles Tue 19-Feb-13 23:51:40

It not male appeasing at all. It is reciting a fact that will make her feel a lot better about herself. Where have I written anything male appeasing?

Ironic that you worry about OP's upset, then derail her thread with petty arguments and rubbish people for offering support. Out of respect for OP I'll refrain from continuing the childish 'vile' accusations and leave you to your own devices.

OP. Please don't feel bad. Most, if not all men do it, and it is no reflection on you at all.

AnyFucker Tue 19-Feb-13 23:52:28

Back tracking accepted wink

AnyFucker Tue 19-Feb-13 23:56:52

krimbles Tue 19-Feb-13 22:44:41
All men watch porn. This is a fact. The people who think they don't are simply being misled.

This was your first post on this thread. No warmth, no understanding for the "upset OP" there, at all

Your benevolent and supportive intentions only appeared when you got pulled up. Your chin needs a good scratch, dude.

krimbles Wed 20-Feb-13 00:01:02

If you are concerned about OP's feelings, then stop ruining her thread with your petty argument because my opinion on the situation is different to yours. I offered advice to help OP. You just want to press your angry agenda. Get to Coventry and goodbye.

AnyFucker Wed 20-Feb-13 00:04:39

Bye then smile

A tip for you the next time you feel compelled to defend the use of porn unconditionally. Look for the underlying commentary. Most other posters have spotted it.

krimbles Wed 20-Feb-13 00:09:45

Where did I defend the use of porn?

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 20-Feb-13 06:47:04

"Surely all of these will be adding to the problem won't they? But instead of discussing these, it's 's OP hubby's porn use and lack of emotional support that is obviously the problem according to posters"

Because I know we can rely on misogynistic throwbacks like you to defend men who behave appallingly selfishly and put the blame squarely on a woman for doing what.... gaining a few lbs? hmm

ChairmanWow Wed 20-Feb-13 07:57:31

OP please ignore Krimble. He/she has hijacked your post to make spurious, non-factual claims about men and porn. Your self-esteem has been battered enough without having to hear this crap.

The fact is that your husband's porn use is hurting you and has decimated your sex life. Whether or not most or few other blokes use it is frankly immaterial. You've been put into a position by your partner's behaviour where you are taking anti-depressants and comfort eating. You know this is unhealthy and unsustainable. It's good that you're looking at seeking help through WA but it would be really great if you could bear to open up to a friend. Nobody is judging you, and neither would a good mate. There's nothing to be ashamed of, the bad behaviour lies with him.

I hope whatever happens you are able to rebuild your shattered self-esteem and see your true worth. Please ignore Krimble and focus on the helpful responses on here. thanks

MadAboutHotChoc Wed 20-Feb-13 08:12:30

*I think you are sick and a little uptight. Actually, let me remove the 'think' bit. You ARE. Fact.

If you don't like what I have to say, you do not have to respond to it. Move along.*

Don't know whether to laugh at this or not hmm

You are the sick one. FACT

You are the one who do not like what the majority of posters have to say. FACT

(didn't think it would take that long for the hairy handed to hijack this thread...)

Buzzardbird Wed 20-Feb-13 08:57:36

Could we just get back to the voice of reason and support the op please?
I stand by my first comment op, also my others and all the supportive posters on this thread.
Porn use instead of intimacy is not ok.
ons is not ok.
He told you what he could get away with as you didn't have evidence.
you deserve better, leave him to enjoy his world of bleached anus and go get yourself a better life.

krimbles Wed 20-Feb-13 13:16:18

All men watch porn. OP, you can see the value of those trying to convince you that there is something wrong with you by how quick they are to try to shout down and insult anyone who disagrees with you. Interesting that they claim to not be the woman-haters. You can just work on the parts of your relationship that do need attention without worrying about stuff that doesn't matter, and good luck to you, hon.

To the loudmouths, please explain where I have defended porn, why I am sick or why I am writing crap to batter OP's self-esteem. Answers on a postcard, please. Put up or shut up.

BelaLugosisShed Wed 20-Feb-13 13:43:11

Actually krimbles No, "all" men do not use porn, no more than "all" men like football or anything else that men are supposed to do. It's a very damaging myth and it's disappointing to see someone spouting such rubbish, if you'd spent much time on here you would know that it's simply not true.

I see cronullansw is being his normal helpful self too, how predictable hmm

PurityBrown Wed 20-Feb-13 13:52:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurityBrown Wed 20-Feb-13 13:57:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lockets Wed 20-Feb-13 14:02:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maras2 Wed 20-Feb-13 14:05:36

I'm in Coventry AF.I'll put the kettle on.smile

morethanpotatoprints Wed 20-Feb-13 14:05:59

Taking the porn completely out of the equation here.

The fact they don't have a sex life, the fact that he had a ons is the main issue.
OP you need to talk to him and find out where you stand. He obviously loves you or he wouldn't be with you. Sometimes men are just happy drifting along and you need to give them a push into action. Tell him its bad enough anyway without him neglecting you for the porn.

BTW. Personally I don't think theres anything wrong with the use of porn in a sound rlatioship.

AnyFucker Wed 20-Feb-13 14:11:27

maras, I'll have 2 sugars please and a digestive bikky

it's a bit nippy here in Coventry

and all the men are shit in bed...I think they are all porn users

maras2 Wed 20-Feb-13 14:23:41

Arf AF.Seriously OP my DH.doesn't use porn nor do any of my many male friends.They have far too much respect for women.

Jamandcheese Wed 20-Feb-13 14:37:02

My worry is that we don't have sex. He would rather use porn. The porn feels like a replacement of me. He gets what he wants/needs from that.

Yes, I have put on weight and am a very jiggly version of me. But after his ONS which the details are awful, I need lots of reassurance. But I don't get that from him.

I worry about our relationship. Krimbles, it's not clear cut as we are in a happy relationship, great sex life And my husband occasionally uses porn

badinage Wed 20-Feb-13 14:58:40

Utimately you have to decide whether you are worth more than a relationship with no sex, fidelity or trust. I'm sure you are.

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