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Help! How to bring this up with H? Horrible dodgy site on internet history..

(105 Posts)
ThatsNotMySock Sun 17-Feb-13 23:36:48

Feel a bit sick. Made this thread earlier on,

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1686732-Quick-Facebook-related-Q

Something prompted me a look at his browser history (I know I know sad I feel horrible about it, and wish I hadn't) 99% is absolutely normal everyday things, and I was feeling like a total shit for looking, then came across a site that was... just horrible. I don't want to go into too much detail in case he finds this thread, it was not exactly porn but related and very shocking.

Further digging revealed he had clicked on a link from another site (a kind of reader for blogs, but subject matter a bit unusual/a bit of v light porn/odd stories etc) The title of the link made it very very clear what he would see and he still clicked it.

I can't imagine what he was thinking. He rarely uses porn (or rarely leaves it for me to find) and this seems totally out of character.

I have no idea how to approach it with him. He will be angry if he knows I have looked, and if I bring it up. But I can't pretend I didn't see this. If if was just "regular" porn (ick, hate saying that) I was be pissed off but probably leave it. This.. I don't know what to do. Sorry not to be more precise, he knows I use this site so trying to be a bit careful.

How can I raise this? Should I raise it, or leave it despite the subject matter? Atm, I have left the offending (offensive, actually) pages open on pc for him to see if he looks, but he's sleeping on and off upstairs. He may be down soon and I have no idea what to do sad Please help!

annh Sun 17-Feb-13 23:41:03

Do you have any idea from the history if he clicked on different pages within the site? Could he have clicked the link by mistake and then come out again? I have regularly clicked on ads on MN by mistake e.g. when I am trying to get onto discussions of the day and have ended up on the Pampers site or looking at the latest fashion from Mint Velvet.

AnyFucker Germany Sun 17-Feb-13 23:41:47

I'm sorry, but I have to know the nature of what he has been looking at

child stuff ?

rape stuff ?

other illegal stuff ?

dating/webcam sites ?

AnyFucker Germany Sun 17-Feb-13 23:42:50

erm, I am thinking we are not talking about Pampers and Mint Velvet, at least

germyrabbit Sun 17-Feb-13 23:44:50

just ask him outright,you shoudln't be scared to and if it's there traceable on the intenet its a reasonable request.

annh Sun 17-Feb-13 23:46:17

AF, no I'm sure we're not sad but that would be an innocent example of what you could end up on from this site. Lord knows where you could end up on from a porn site.

VivaLeBeaver Sun 17-Feb-13 23:46:40

Might it have been a site which popped up rather than been actively clicked on?

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Sun 17-Feb-13 23:47:48

Don't be too quick to judge - plenty of us follow deeply dubious links posted on mumsnet out of curiosity. Dragonbutter anyone?

DoctorAnge Sun 17-Feb-13 23:50:00

Are these images of abuse? confused

Teeb Sun 17-Feb-13 23:53:11

Agree with previous posters that it's difficult to give advice without fully understanding what kind of sites these are.

Is any of the content illegal?

ThatsNotMySock Sun 17-Feb-13 23:54:02

germyrabbit Not that straightforward I'm afraid. He will get incredibly arsey. I'm not scared of him, but I know I will challenge him for being arsey and we will get nowhere. I do know exactly what you mean though, and wish I could.

As far as I can see, he first went to that "blog reader" type website, it had a list of different headlines you could click on to read. The top one only (which was very explicitly titled) was the only one that was a different colour, so you could tell it was the only one that had been clicked on. When I looked at the history I first noticed the very dodgy site, and when I explored further sites he'd looked onthat day, I found that blog reader site.So it looks like he found the blog reader, clicked that story, looked at the very dodgy site. Can't see that he looked at any other sites linked to either of those pages.

The very dodgy site also comes straight up if you type the first few letters of the website into the address bar sad

Oh god saying this makes me feel so sick, and it may be triggering re rape/sexual attack, so please please stop reading if that applies. I am so so sorry.

The site was "victims after they've been raped"

I feel so fucking sick.
I hate him.
Sorry for crap spelling/explanations. hands shaking.

ThatsNotMySock Sun 17-Feb-13 23:55:53

and the site was titled as such ^^ on the blog reader, So he clicked on the link that said exactly what is in the quotation marks above.

sad angry why why why why why would you look!

AnyFucker Germany Sun 17-Feb-13 23:56:30

Ok

a rape site

I don't give a fuck if he will be defensive, I would be asking him to explain himself

then I would be putting his bags on the lawn

ThatsNotMySock Sun 17-Feb-13 23:56:34

Oh, and this title on the blog reader specified that it contained images sad angry

DoctorAnge Sun 17-Feb-13 23:56:56

sad
I am really sorry that is truly awful.

germyrabbit Sun 17-Feb-13 23:57:40

i am sorry but i agree with af, i would have to ask him outright.

AnyFucker Germany Sun 17-Feb-13 23:57:56

OP, has he ever been sexually attacked himself ?

because that would be the only reason I could use to justify still staying married to him

PelvicFloorClenchReminder Sun 17-Feb-13 23:58:58

Holy crap OP sad

I'm with AnyFucker on this one, can there ever an explanation to justify that? angry

ThatsNotMySock Sun 17-Feb-13 23:59:56

I looked at the site, and (please please believe me when I say I am not minimising this, it actually makes no fucking difference to me as he saw the title long before he saw the images) there is no actual nudity. The women are clothed, but in clear disarray. It's all very posed. But, what the actual fuck.. what was he hoping to see?That is what is bothering me. I can't get my head around this at all. We had sex since he was looking at that. I feel sick.

ThatsNotMySock Mon 18-Feb-13 00:01:13

As far as I am aware AF he has not.

ThatsNotMySock Mon 18-Feb-13 00:01:40

Does it sound to everyone else like he actually clicked on that and it wasn't just a pop up?

Teeb Mon 18-Feb-13 00:02:11

God that's unbelievably sick that the site would even exist.

That isn't something anyone would land upon by accident. Has he ever displayed signs of being aggressive with you?

AnyFucker Germany Mon 18-Feb-13 00:02:23

Really, really bad news, OP

Are you going to talk to him about this ?

Could you bear him to touch you again if you don't ?

Teeb Mon 18-Feb-13 00:03:32

If the link was a different colour to the other links on a site then that means it's a link that has already been opened on that computer. Just like threads on mumsnet change colour once you've opened them.

WafflyVersatile Mon 18-Feb-13 00:04:01

Morbid curiosity? I've clicked on lots of things that I can't resist even though I know I will probably have to click away immediately because they will be distressing.

If the website linked to has more than one page and they are not also listed on the history ie he hasn't spent time exploring it to any extent then I'd put it down to the above.

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